Aa
What do y’all think ?
Who would be the father of baby if my period ended on February 5th and I had sex on the 16th (ovulation day) and had sex with guy 2 on the 17th (fertile day) spotted on the 29th of February?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, November 11 doesn't rule out either person either. Since the baby will be here any day, what plans do you have to talk with the men? Will you simply do DNA tests with both of them? Because that's your baby's legal right.
6 Comments
Wow that’s crazy ! So either could be since it’s a day apart
Ok so 16th was the guy 1 around 12 ish that morning and the 17th my ex was the 17th was a morning also i think it was around 6 ish or 7
Yes. Though it was a long shot, I had hoped your dates or data would suggest you ovulated early enough to rule out the second guy. This can happen even if two guys are rather close together -- if you had ovulated on the 14th, for example, that would suggest the first guy is the dad because the second guy would be too late for your egg.
But in your case, according to your period and your first ultrasound, both men would probably have had living sperm in your body when you ovulated. (I know it doesn't help to hear, but nature seems to arrange it that if a woman has slept with two men in a short time, it might be at ovulation time. Sleeping with two men "when" ovulating could often as accurately be said to be sleeping with two men *because* ovulating.)
Where does that leave you? Is one of the guys your partner and the other a secret from the first guy? Or do both guys know they might be the dad? I'll write about both instances though I don't know your story, since many other women with this problem read in this forum and could use the data.
First of all, if one of the men is your husband, he is the father of the baby in the eyes of the law, no matter who is biologically the father. I don't think this will help much, though, because if he is not the father eventually (in this day and age of recreational DNA testing) the truth will out. So read the rest even if you're married.
If you're in the enviable situation where both men know they might be the father and are ready to do a DNA test, nothing could be simpler and smarter than doing the tests right at the hospital when the baby is born. (And I'll mention that if this is your situation, you're way ahead of some of the women in this community who are going through the pain and guilt of trying to keep the problem a secret.) If both guys know they have a chance to be dad, just tell them that they are both going to need to come to the hospital when the baby is born and do a DNA test. One will get the positive and the other will be ruled out, and your baby will have a known dad. Be sure it is put in all the baby's records.
If you're trying to keep having had sex with one of the men a secret from the other, you still have to do a DNA test for the baby's sake, as well as for your sake and the dad's sake too. Again, the best time and place is at the hospital. If one guy is Mr. Secret and the other guy is Mr. Boyfriend, start with Mr. Secret doing a test (since he knows he slept with you, you don't have to hide the problem from him). Then if Mr. Secret comes up negative, you can ask Mr. Boyfriend for a DNA test looking him right in the eye. Tell him you you know he is the dad, but need the legal proof to be in the baby's record. (In other words, you are implying you think he might run out on the duty to the baby and you want everything legally clarified for the baby's sake. He'll be so busy mulling that over and deciding whether to be insulted that at least he won't rush to the possibility that you originally needed to test for a different reason.)
Of course, if Mr. Secret turns out to be the dad, then you have some talking to do. Don't try to keep it a secret from Mr. Boyfriend if you do find out that the baby is not from him. As I already noted, these days never assume you can keep the baby's paternity a secret, because you really can't. The longer you try, the more angry the man is, too, when the secret comes out.
If one of the men (or both) say they refuse to test, legal authority is on your (and the baby's) side -- it is in society's best interest for children to have child support. If you're getting a response from the guy(s) that no, they guess they won't test, you talk to a lawyer. A judge can order them summoned.
Again, I don't know your situation at all, and wrote this out because lots of women read this forum who are in this particular situation. I hope you don't have to deal with guys who think they can just refuse to test, but if you are, get your legal ducks in a row in the next ten days. Good luck!
And congratulations on the upcoming birth of your beautiful baby.
But in your case, according to your period and your first ultrasound, both men would probably have had living sperm in your body when you ovulated. (I know it doesn't help to hear, but nature seems to arrange it that if a woman has slept with two men in a short time, it might be at ovulation time. Sleeping with two men "when" ovulating could often as accurately be said to be sleeping with two men *because* ovulating.)
Where does that leave you? Is one of the guys your partner and the other a secret from the first guy? Or do both guys know they might be the dad? I'll write about both instances though I don't know your story, since many other women with this problem read in this forum and could use the data.
First of all, if one of the men is your husband, he is the father of the baby in the eyes of the law, no matter who is biologically the father. I don't think this will help much, though, because if he is not the father eventually (in this day and age of recreational DNA testing) the truth will out. So read the rest even if you're married.
If you're in the enviable situation where both men know they might be the father and are ready to do a DNA test, nothing could be simpler and smarter than doing the tests right at the hospital when the baby is born. (And I'll mention that if this is your situation, you're way ahead of some of the women in this community who are going through the pain and guilt of trying to keep the problem a secret.) If both guys know they have a chance to be dad, just tell them that they are both going to need to come to the hospital when the baby is born and do a DNA test. One will get the positive and the other will be ruled out, and your baby will have a known dad. Be sure it is put in all the baby's records.
If you're trying to keep having had sex with one of the men a secret from the other, you still have to do a DNA test for the baby's sake, as well as for your sake and the dad's sake too. Again, the best time and place is at the hospital. If one guy is Mr. Secret and the other guy is Mr. Boyfriend, start with Mr. Secret doing a test (since he knows he slept with you, you don't have to hide the problem from him). Then if Mr. Secret comes up negative, you can ask Mr. Boyfriend for a DNA test looking him right in the eye. Tell him you you know he is the dad, but need the legal proof to be in the baby's record. (In other words, you are implying you think he might run out on the duty to the baby and you want everything legally clarified for the baby's sake. He'll be so busy mulling that over and deciding whether to be insulted that at least he won't rush to the possibility that you originally needed to test for a different reason.)
Of course, if Mr. Secret turns out to be the dad, then you have some talking to do. Don't try to keep it a secret from Mr. Boyfriend if you do find out that the baby is not from him. As I already noted, these days never assume you can keep the baby's paternity a secret, because you really can't. The longer you try, the more angry the man is, too, when the secret comes out.
If one of the men (or both) say they refuse to test, legal authority is on your (and the baby's) side -- it is in society's best interest for children to have child support. If you're getting a response from the guy(s) that no, they guess they won't test, you talk to a lawyer. A judge can order them summoned.
Again, I don't know your situation at all, and wrote this out because lots of women read this forum who are in this particular situation. I hope you don't have to deal with guys who think they can just refuse to test, but if you are, get your legal ducks in a row in the next ten days. Good luck!
And congratulations on the upcoming birth of your beautiful baby.
Yes they both know . My ex was unexpected so was the other guy i really don’t know what i was thinking !
But only my ex will step up the other guy has been acting weird since finding out !
Test with your ex, then, and only cross the bridge with the other guy if the ex's test comes out negative. No point in having a dust-up if there is no reason. Yes, if the ex comes up negative you do have to have a legal DNA test with the other guy. No, you don't have to fight this fight until the ex's test shows he's not the dad.
Don't be too surprised that Mr. Squirrely is acting weird. It might have been stupid and naive, but he just thought he was getting a night's fun, and now has to face the fact that he might have signed up to a lifetime's supply of guilt, responsibility and worry, not to mention child support for 18 years or more. That's a lot to wake up to when all you thought you were doing was going to bed.
Don't be too surprised that Mr. Squirrely is acting weird. It might have been stupid and naive, but he just thought he was getting a night's fun, and now has to face the fact that he might have signed up to a lifetime's supply of guilt, responsibility and worry, not to mention child support for 18 years or more. That's a lot to wake up to when all you thought you were doing was going to bed.
COMMUNITY LEADER
If your periods always come about 28 days apart, then there is no way to differentiate between the two men by the dates. Counting back 14 days from March 1 (given the leap year) suggests you ovulated on or around the 16th. (I was asking to see if your dates might point to an earlier ovulation so as to rule out the second guy, but no.) When you ovulate, your egg can last 24-36 hours in your body, and the guys' sperm could last 4-6 days, so both men's sperm would have been in your reproductive tract and viable at the time when you ovulated. Did you have any early ultrasounds? If so, what due date did they give you?
1 Comments
They gave me November 11th 2020. But the first ever ultrasound i had i was 4-23-20 i was 11 weeks and 3 days
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, when did your period begin?
It doesn't matter when it ended, but if your menstrual months are super regular at 28 days every month year in and year out, you might be able to try to figure it out using the date when your next cycle was expected and counting back.
It doesn't matter when it ended, but if your menstrual months are super regular at 28 days every month year in and year out, you might be able to try to figure it out using the date when your next cycle was expected and counting back.
2 Comments
For example, if your cycles are regular at 28 days and don't ever vary, and if your last period began Feb. 1 and you were expecting your period to arrive on Feb. 29, you could reasonably expect that if you count back 14 days from the 29th, that would be when you ovulated (i.e., Feb. 15).
It started February 2 and ended on the 5th i was suppose to get a period March 1 but spotted on February 29th
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