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Who could be the father?

I know paternity testing is best but I want advice if I need it based on the following info. I had sex Nov. 20th protected on day 7 of my cycle with someone one new. Nov. 27th, i had unprotected sex with no withdrawal with my ex on day 14 of my cycle.  My ovulation week was from Nov. 23rd to Nov. 29 with Nov. 28th being the peak date. When I do the reverse conception date and it says it would’ve been on the 27th or 28th. My ex and I have had sex many times without withdrawal or other contraceptive so it’s worrying that it might not be his because this is the first time I am pregnant
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Avatar universal
Your ex sex was in prime time to catch ovulation. The chance of pregnancy from sex on CD7 is slight but definitely not zero. In view of possible fertility problems with the ex, I’m thinking there is an even chance of either being the winner. Congratulations on your first pregnancy!
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1 Comments
Thank you!
134578 tn?1614729226
COMMUNITY LEADER
You say your ovulation week was November 23-29. Do you know this from an app or from using ovulation test strips?

Have you seen a doctor and gotten an ultrasound? If so, when in the pregnancy was your first ultrasound? And what estimated due date did they give you when you had your first ultrasound?

As you know, protected sex is less likely to produce a pregnancy than unprotected sex. An "ovulation week" is not really a week long -- ovulation doesn't take a week, it takes a minute, so saying your "ovulation week" is something of a misnomer. (Your egg pops out of the ovary in a given moment in your menstrual month, and then only lasts about 24-36 hours, after which it will fade, unless it gets fertilized.) What the app is saying is that sex within that weeklong time period might produce the pregnancy. But if your egg did pop out around the 27th, the sex on the 20th was a little too early even if it had not been protected.

Over how many months did you and your ex regularly have unprotected sex and not get pregnant? It's not unusual for a couple to go a while without conceiving even when they are having a lot of sex.
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19 Comments
The ovulation was from an app calculator. I have been to the doctor for an ultrasound and i measure 20 weeks 5 days at the time of visit. At my first ultrasound they said due date was aug. 20th and it hasn’t changed since. We had unprotected sex 5 times between March and November.
It really does not sound like the guy with whom you used protection on the 20th is the dad. The dates don't point to it and you used protection.

Having had sex with someone five times unprotected and not getting pregnant is no proof that the two of you can't get pregnant together. It's just not enough times to put it to the test.
Thank you for your response! I hope it’s my ex. I didn’t question it until the other guy messaged me after I posted my gender reveal video.
Well, he's probably nervous and/or titillated by the idea that he might be a dad, but don't let it mislead you. Your dates are not quite right for it to be him. If the protection failed, sperm could have gotten into your body, but while it lives a while in your system it doesn't live quite long enough to reach to the 27th. I mean, there are no guarantees and the human body can do remarkable things (and I would do a DNA test once the baby is born just to be sure and put it behind you forever), but in your shoes I'd go through the pregnancy assuming your ex is the dad.
I mentioned getting testing to the other guy. He was very rude to say just say no.
He tipped his hand, then, showing that he will not helpfully do what you ask regarding testing; some guys are very helpful (especially if all the evidence says they aren't the dad) and would be fine on testing. After all, it's a get-out-of-child-support-free card for them. But him "just saying no" isn't the end of it. You have options should you need to exercise them.

To go over it all again, from everything you said, Mr. Rude is not the dad. Your ex was in the right time frame and Mr. Rude was too early, and not only that, you used protection with Mr. Rude. (And a very good choice that was, too.)  You were worried that since you and your ex had sex five times over several months without protection and didn't get pregnant, that somehow meant you couldn't get pregnant. But people don't even qualify with doctors for infertility help until they have been actively trying, having a lot of sex at the exact right time of the month each month, for a whole year. Only five times, don't worry.  Pregnancy is not automatic with a given sexual encounter.

Anyway,  your dates don't point to Mr. Rude (and you aren't sounding like you would consider an abortion if the wrong guy is the dad anyway,) so in your shoes I would assume your ex is the dad throughout the pregnancy. Before your due date, talk to your doctor about getting a DNA test through the hospital's lab when the baby comes. (To be doubly careful, go with your ex when he does the swab and watch him do it.) When you set it up, make sure the test is the kind that qualifies for legal determination of paternity in the courts. That way it will be in the baby's record, and you and your ex can move on to the interesting life of sharing a child without ever having any doubts.  In case you were thinking about prenatal testing, not only would you have to fight with Mr. Rude for maybe no reason, but also testing after the baby comes is a lot simpler and cheaper than prenatal testing. (Orenatal testing is really more for life-and-death situations.)

In the (unlikely) event that the DNA test does reveal that the ex is not the dad, then the protections of the law kick in, not your rights but your baby's -- the right to support from a parent. Should you get to the (unexpected) point where your ex is proven by a legitimate test (don't use a home DNA test for this) not to be the dad, go see a lawyer and have Mr. Rude served with a summons for a DNA test. He seems to think he can weasel out of the requirement for testing just by being a jerk. I don't think you'll ever get to that point. But you should be aware that the law does not smile upon guys who try to skip out of their legal obligation to support their children, and that means you have authority behind your request.
*Prenatal, not "Orenatal." :)
Thank you so much. You’ve been a great help. I’ll be sure to come back with the results. I know it’s expensive but my nerves are killing me so I think I’m going to try the noninvasive paternity test.
We hear the best reports about the DDC or Ravgen. Women who are super nervous also have less trouble believing the results if they test with both guys. Any chance Mr. Rude will do it?
I doubt it. I explained to him the noninvasive one now and he said he’s ruled out completely already.
What a jerk. When a guy has had sex with a woman who is now pregnant (condom or not), he is not "ruled out completely already" by anything. It's not like there is a line judge calling the plays. The data you are able to get does point to your ex, that is true, but a prenatal test would answer the question for good. And, of course, in the (unlooked-for) event that your ex does not turn out to be the dad, this guy will get hauled before a judge to get a test anyway. He should know testing now would be simpler and less public.

Anyway, since it is clear you would have to involve a lawyer to get Mr. Rude to test, and because it seems like your ex is the dad, you should probably just test with your ex and go on from there.
So I brought up the idea of paternity to my ex and he was offended. He said I can’t believe you ask for one and I’m taking this personal now. He brought it up when I first told him I was pregnant but was nasty about it and told him that it hurt my feelings. He hadn’t mentioned it since. Now I feel like we have taken a step back and I feel bad.
What did he get offended about; was it that you were admitting you had slept with someone besides him? Because it seems like if he asked you for a DNA test before and you were hurt, he would be glad now that you have come around to the idea. One is going to be needed sooner or later, since the two of you aren't married. Legal paternity will need to be determined. If you two weren't in a relationship at the time you had the sex, it's not like you cheated on him. So what is the issue that would make him feel like you've said something offensive?
I’m not sure at all. It’s really confusing to me why he would take offense to this.    But now I think it’s going to be unpleasant between us now.
Maybe he misunderstood what you were asking, and maybe thought you were implying that he was intending to shirk his responsibility and wanted to nail him down because he was untrustworthy. I hope that wasn't it, given that you only wanted to test because you were too nervous to trust the other guy's timing and condom.

If you aren't in the position of needing to know because you're trying to decide about an abortion or anything like that, time is in fact not immediately of the essence no matter how much you would like to know. So, next time you talk, just be matter of fact, tell him how everything is going, ask him to your appointments, etc. and leave it at that. Save the big bucks and do the DNA testing once the baby comes. If it comes to then, and both guys are balky about getting tested, you might have to serve both guys a summons. Hope not, but if you have to you have to. But right now, let it rest.
Thank you I will let it be. I don’t want an abortion so it was mostly because I didn’t want the wrong guy going through this for no reason. He wasn’t on board with the pregnancy at first but has come around and excited with choosing names and life with the baby. I didn’t think about the not trusting point of view so maybe that’s it.
Or maybe you gave him such static when he originally suggested it that he was annoyed that suddenly you are coming around after taking it out of his hide back then. My husband would hold a grudge if I did something like that. Anyway, if the topic comes up again, just tell him that your nerves got the better of you but that you can live with waiting to get the test until it's needed for the baby's paperwork.
Yeah I didn’t think about that either. I didn’t go off on it about it the first time.  We will see what happens.
Stay relaxed, after all, if you get to a point where the test is required and neither guy is being forthcoming, the law is on your side. So you're not going to lose by being nice now.
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