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Sex with two men on ovulation- who is father?? I’m due next week!
I’m 38weeks & 3 days.
LMP: 12/12/2019 - 12/19/2019
Ovulation: Tracker said 12/30/2019 was my ovulation day
Ultrasound on 1/15/2020 said I was 4 weeks and 2 days (which I know means two weeks from conception would looks like it’s 12/30/2019)
Guy #1 and I are trying to have a baby, we had sex every day after my period 12/19/2019-12/30/2019. He ejaculated inside of me every time, we had sex 2-3 times a day.
Guy #2 forced me on 12/30/2019 and ejacualted about 5 hours after guy #1. I took plan B pill within 3 days of encounter with guy #2. Took 2 pregnancy tests on 1/13/2020 and they said I was pregnant.
Please help me figure out who the father is. I’ve been obsessing and stressing since I got pregnant and I need some help. I’ve never told anyone about guy #2 because I felt ashamed of myself.
LMP: 12/12/2019 - 12/19/2019
Ovulation: Tracker said 12/30/2019 was my ovulation day
Ultrasound on 1/15/2020 said I was 4 weeks and 2 days (which I know means two weeks from conception would looks like it’s 12/30/2019)
Guy #1 and I are trying to have a baby, we had sex every day after my period 12/19/2019-12/30/2019. He ejaculated inside of me every time, we had sex 2-3 times a day.
Guy #2 forced me on 12/30/2019 and ejacualted about 5 hours after guy #1. I took plan B pill within 3 days of encounter with guy #2. Took 2 pregnancy tests on 1/13/2020 and they said I was pregnant.
Please help me figure out who the father is. I’ve been obsessing and stressing since I got pregnant and I need some help. I’ve never told anyone about guy #2 because I felt ashamed of myself.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, that's good! And that's what it sounded like, too. You still face a lot of challenges, having a baby with someone who was (as recently as a month or so ago) "high all the time,' and you being unwilling to ask him to shape up because he has a bad temper. But at least this worry is no longer on your plate.
I hope he'll do for his child what he wouldn't go for you. Good luck to you, and congratulations.
I hope he'll do for his child what he wouldn't go for you. Good luck to you, and congratulations.
Baby was born yesterday and is my boyfriends! Looks just like him - she’s without a doubt his daughter!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Given everything you have said, I'd say that you should be cautiously optimistic that you were probably a couple or a few days pregnant by the time of the unfortunate event on the 30th.
I don't know why the same people told you on January 15 that your baby is due September 17 and that your GA was 4 weeks 2 days. But since it's pretty hard to measure an embryo early in the fourth week, and since the due date of September 17 has been confirmed more than once (by ultrasound each time, right?), it's more possible that the 4 w 2 d was slightly in error than that the due date of September 17 is where the error lies. A September 17 due date suggests conception on December 26.
Taking the December 26 from your ultrasound(s), even if you figure that number is based on someone with 28-day cycles and add a day or two to account for your longer cycles, it would still only move the date to December 28, not December 30.
Plan B gets less effective the further from the sex you're trying to correct for. That means the Plan B not working doesn't really suggest anything about when you ovulated.
Having had a lot of sex with your boyfriend doesn't count as much as it seems like it would, because 2-3 times a day for ten days or more will reduce his sperm count. In the past, doctors would even caution people to only have sex every other day or even every third day if they wanted to get pregnant, but doctors don't say that as much as they used to. They do say that sex before ovulation is a better idea than sex after ovulation if you want to get pregnant, but I think that is because they don't want you to miss ovulation by accidentally miscalculating when it will be. Anyway, luckily it only takes one sperm. :) Is the baby a girl, by the way? It so that would also tend to bolster (very slightly) the idea that your boyfriend is the dad. (Not that a boy would mean he isn't, though.)
After this length of time, it's not that easy to tell where the counts from doctors came from (ultrasounds or last period or something else), and if later ones came from merely copying the last date into the file and not judging independently from the info on the newest ultrasound. So you do need to be ready with a plan in case worst comes to worst and the baby is not from your boyfriend. (With a boyfriend who has anger problems, it had better be a good plan.) It doesn't quite sound like your worst fears have been realized -- it sounds (to most extent) like your boyfriend is the dad. But when you have a boyfriend who has a temper, you have to be safe, your safety and your child's are number one. That includes having to tiptoe around him out of fear of his temper, and keeping from him the bad things that happened to you because you're afraid he will be mad.
I don't know why the same people told you on January 15 that your baby is due September 17 and that your GA was 4 weeks 2 days. But since it's pretty hard to measure an embryo early in the fourth week, and since the due date of September 17 has been confirmed more than once (by ultrasound each time, right?), it's more possible that the 4 w 2 d was slightly in error than that the due date of September 17 is where the error lies. A September 17 due date suggests conception on December 26.
Taking the December 26 from your ultrasound(s), even if you figure that number is based on someone with 28-day cycles and add a day or two to account for your longer cycles, it would still only move the date to December 28, not December 30.
Plan B gets less effective the further from the sex you're trying to correct for. That means the Plan B not working doesn't really suggest anything about when you ovulated.
Having had a lot of sex with your boyfriend doesn't count as much as it seems like it would, because 2-3 times a day for ten days or more will reduce his sperm count. In the past, doctors would even caution people to only have sex every other day or even every third day if they wanted to get pregnant, but doctors don't say that as much as they used to. They do say that sex before ovulation is a better idea than sex after ovulation if you want to get pregnant, but I think that is because they don't want you to miss ovulation by accidentally miscalculating when it will be. Anyway, luckily it only takes one sperm. :) Is the baby a girl, by the way? It so that would also tend to bolster (very slightly) the idea that your boyfriend is the dad. (Not that a boy would mean he isn't, though.)
After this length of time, it's not that easy to tell where the counts from doctors came from (ultrasounds or last period or something else), and if later ones came from merely copying the last date into the file and not judging independently from the info on the newest ultrasound. So you do need to be ready with a plan in case worst comes to worst and the baby is not from your boyfriend. (With a boyfriend who has anger problems, it had better be a good plan.) It doesn't quite sound like your worst fears have been realized -- it sounds (to most extent) like your boyfriend is the dad. But when you have a boyfriend who has a temper, you have to be safe, your safety and your child's are number one. That includes having to tiptoe around him out of fear of his temper, and keeping from him the bad things that happened to you because you're afraid he will be mad.
8 Comments
Clarification: That includes **making a plan to avoid** having to tiptoe around him out of fear of his temper and not having to be afraid he'll be mad if you tell him something bad happened to you.
I’m a little relieved to hear that you think it may be my boyfriends, but I’m still stressing about it. The baby is a girl. I Looked through my things and found another ultrasound from May 6 2019 that says I was 20 weeks and 6 days but the due date stayed the same.
The guilt is killing me. I just don’t want to lose my boyfriend - this would just crush him and his family. He’s been there for me since the beginning and he’s been trying to have a baby with me for over a year. He really is excited to be a dad and I’m scared to think of what’s going to happen if he’s not. I’m preparing myself for an escape with my baby if things get out of hand and he doesn’t believe me or understand, but I’m praying every night that this baby is his. I’m obsessing over this - I’m practically hoping I deliver soon so I can know for sure and either stop worrying or figure out what to do to avoid a major confrontation.
It sounds like the 30th would be just a couple of days too late to have conceived, because of what your ultrasounds said about your due date. It just doesn't sound like the egg would have still been floating around on the 30th waiting for a sperm, from all of your evidence.
Will you be able to tell immediately if the baby is from your boyfriend? (Some women will be able to tell by looking, because they had sex with two guys that looked very different -- like, one was Asian and the other was a curly-haired Irishman.) Has your boyfriend talked about getting a DNA test? If so, the attitude for you to take is that a DNA test would be really good to do because it is legal protection for the baby. If you two were married, the law would simply assume he's the dad. But if you aren't married, your goal is to get the proof into the baby's medical record who her father is. She has rights to him, for support (and love of course), and this will protect those rights. I realize that if you two have talked about DNA tests in the past, it's probably made you really nervous, because you're thinking that he might find something out, or that he's accusing you of infidelity. But if you have the ability to forget all that hidden agenda, just look him in the eye and talk about the baby's rights, and ask for the test. You're her mother and your prime number one job from now on out is her protection, for all your life from now on. (And besides, if you're going to find out bad news, you'd best find it out right away. Just make sure you have a plan.)
You say "the guilt" is killing you. Was the sex with the wrong guy because you kind of wanted to do it and only figured out later that it was a bad idea? I could see feeling guilty then, but otherwise it's hard to understand why you would feel guilty over a rape. (Even if it was more like date-rape than a violent rape, it seems like your reaction would be anger, not guilt.) If this is crushing you, talk with a therapist. It can help SO MUCH.
Finally, talk seriously with your boyfriend about his anger, under the heading of getting ready to be good parents. See if there is any way he will get some counseling or into an anger-management program. Tell him, he's going to be a daddy now and you don't want yourself and your kiddo to be living with an unexploded bomb in the room all the time, and you especially don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that is the way to be with men. (Learning as a kid that you have to tiptoe around someone who might be angry passes the appeasement pattern down the generations.) It's on him to learn to be a mature man, not on you to serve his volatility. You'd think he would be willing to do this for his child. I once had an argument with my husband and got through to him by saying that he can do (whatever pattern it was) to me all he wants, but I'm won't let him do it to our son. He loves our son, and shaped up.
Anyway, write back when the baby comes. I think you are in a tight spot and think you do need to have an exit plan, but I just don't quite get the feeling that it's going to be bad news.
Will you be able to tell immediately if the baby is from your boyfriend? (Some women will be able to tell by looking, because they had sex with two guys that looked very different -- like, one was Asian and the other was a curly-haired Irishman.) Has your boyfriend talked about getting a DNA test? If so, the attitude for you to take is that a DNA test would be really good to do because it is legal protection for the baby. If you two were married, the law would simply assume he's the dad. But if you aren't married, your goal is to get the proof into the baby's medical record who her father is. She has rights to him, for support (and love of course), and this will protect those rights. I realize that if you two have talked about DNA tests in the past, it's probably made you really nervous, because you're thinking that he might find something out, or that he's accusing you of infidelity. But if you have the ability to forget all that hidden agenda, just look him in the eye and talk about the baby's rights, and ask for the test. You're her mother and your prime number one job from now on out is her protection, for all your life from now on. (And besides, if you're going to find out bad news, you'd best find it out right away. Just make sure you have a plan.)
You say "the guilt" is killing you. Was the sex with the wrong guy because you kind of wanted to do it and only figured out later that it was a bad idea? I could see feeling guilty then, but otherwise it's hard to understand why you would feel guilty over a rape. (Even if it was more like date-rape than a violent rape, it seems like your reaction would be anger, not guilt.) If this is crushing you, talk with a therapist. It can help SO MUCH.
Finally, talk seriously with your boyfriend about his anger, under the heading of getting ready to be good parents. See if there is any way he will get some counseling or into an anger-management program. Tell him, he's going to be a daddy now and you don't want yourself and your kiddo to be living with an unexploded bomb in the room all the time, and you especially don't want your daughter to grow up thinking that is the way to be with men. (Learning as a kid that you have to tiptoe around someone who might be angry passes the appeasement pattern down the generations.) It's on him to learn to be a mature man, not on you to serve his volatility. You'd think he would be willing to do this for his child. I once had an argument with my husband and got through to him by saying that he can do (whatever pattern it was) to me all he wants, but I'm won't let him do it to our son. He loves our son, and shaped up.
Anyway, write back when the baby comes. I think you are in a tight spot and think you do need to have an exit plan, but I just don't quite get the feeling that it's going to be bad news.
Thank you - I’ll update once baby comes. I feel guilty for never telling him what happened, for keeping this secret from him. I thought that if I kept it to myself, it would just go away - I didn’t want to make any more problems - my man was arrested the day after it happened and we had so much to deal with aside from the pregnancy. I was scared of how he would react and I was scared of him doing something crazy if I told him because he was high all the time. He’s sober from weed for one month now and it’s been helping me be able to talk to him. I’m hoping for the best - The guys look similar to each other as far as eye color and hair, but when the baby comes I will get a DNA test to be absolutely sure
If I had told him earlier in the pregnancy I think it would have been fine, but I was too scared. His anger has gotten better, but I’m still scared to talk about it with him
Scared to talk to him about his anger, and needing anger management? I'm not actually recommending you talk to him about the rape. I'm recommending you talk with a counselor about the rape.
But it does seem really, really important that you talk to him about his anger, and what it does to you and what it will do to the baby.
COMMUNITY LEADER
OK, well, first of all, I suppose you know that being raped is not your fault, and is nothing you should be ashamed of yourself about (though the guy should be ashamed, if not arrested).
Let's look at some your info.
What estimated due date (calendar date, not the weeks count) did they give you on January 15 when you had your first ultrasound? Did you have a subsequent (but still early) ultrasound that also said the same estimated due date?
Also, taking Plan B "within three days" -- does that mean more than 48 hours but less than 72 hours?
Finally, what consequences do you think you'll face if it turns out your fears are realized and the baby came from the sex with the guy who forced himself on you? Have you been telling your boyfriend all along that the baby is his, and he will not find that forgivable even if he is made to understand that you didn't want to tell him about the rape?
Let's look at some your info.
What estimated due date (calendar date, not the weeks count) did they give you on January 15 when you had your first ultrasound? Did you have a subsequent (but still early) ultrasound that also said the same estimated due date?
Also, taking Plan B "within three days" -- does that mean more than 48 hours but less than 72 hours?
Finally, what consequences do you think you'll face if it turns out your fears are realized and the baby came from the sex with the guy who forced himself on you? Have you been telling your boyfriend all along that the baby is his, and he will not find that forgivable even if he is made to understand that you didn't want to tell him about the rape?
10 Comments
The date they gave me for the due date is 9/17/2020. I don’t remember the exact day I took plan B, because I wasn’t even thinking about it, but I heard that plan b doesn’t work during ovulation. My boyfriend went to jail New Year’s Eve and was released on the third, and I picked him up around 1 am. If my fear is my reality, I think he would leave... I’ve been afraid to say anything because he has anger problems. I’m not sure how he would take it if it were true. I didn’t want to ruin anything, because we were having so many problems and it just started to get better- I know everything would come crashing down if it’s the second guy. He and his entire family would hate me.
I wasn’t really thinking when I took the pill because I was distracted because boyfriend was in jail
Which ultrasound told you 9/17/20 as the estimated due date?
It was at my first ultrasound on 1/15/2020
Hi, I'm wondering because 9/17 suggests a conception date of 12/26, yet you're saying your earliest ultrasound suggested 12/30. So, was it some different ultrasound that said 9/17 was the due date? If so, when was that ultrasound?
Did you have a later ultrasound that confirmed 9/17 as the due date? If so, do you think the ultrasound re-computed based on the size of the baby, or did they just put in the same estimated due date because it had already been calculated before and they decided to stick with it?
(I know that's not an easy question to answer, but sometimes a doctor will say "We'll leave the date originally decided even though this ultrasound suggests a day a couple of days later.")
They measured the baby and the docotr said that the measurements looked right. The we’re telling me the baby was right on time for 9/17
I'm trying to determine how they came up with a 4 weeks 2 days GA count on January 15, since that doesn't match the due date of 9/17. It wouldn't be so surprising if the ultrasound that they used to give you the September 17 date was a little later, but fourth-week ultrasounds are hard to interpret and often they don't tell you a weeks count until they can really see and measure the embryo. (It's hard to even see an embryo early in the 4th week.) Even if they gave you that 9/17 due date that early, it seems like they would have the weeks and days match it.
Are your menstrual months unusually long, like 30 or 32 days between periods, or are they the average length (28 days)?
Are your menstrual months unusually long, like 30 or 32 days between periods, or are they the average length (28 days)?
My menstrual cycle is about 30 days
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