Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
Avatar universal

Who would be the father if I had sex with two guys a month apart?

So this happened a very long time ago, but I am contemplating going for child support for my child.

A very long time ago (2006 to be exact) I had sex with two guys a month apart. I had sex with a friend of mine a few times  in January of 2006 but I had gotten my period later that month.

A month later I thought my college boyfriend wanted to rekindle our relationship (we broke up October of 2005) so we were spending time together and having sex later that month my period was supposed to come on but it didn't. I found out I was pregnant knew it was my exes and decided to keep the baby. Since then he has never wanted to be apart and has never been.

Fast forward 13 years I decided to put him on child support because I was older and wiser and realized that her father (my ex) should be held accountable but there was always the what if in the back of mind that he wasn't the father due to having sex with someone else a month before.

Would my ex be the father since I didn't get my period the month I got pregnant?
2 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Here’s another way to look at it. If your child was born full term at the beginning of November, your ex is the father. How do you answer when she asks about paternity? Should you involve her in this dilemma?
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
My daughter was actually born a month early, and the doctors officially called her premature due to my body being under immense stress because my mom had passed away three days earlier. Her due date was November 6th. She was born October 6th.
Well that didn't help as much as I hoped. Sorry about your mom, too. Surely you had ultrasounds during the course of your pregnancy, which is where you got the November due date. An ultrasound might be off by some days, or even a week in later months, but not by a whole month. Based on the given due date I still think your ex is the winner!
134578 tn?1693250592
COMMUNITY LEADER
I can't tell for sure but it sounds like you are saying you had sex with the friend in January, got your period, and didn't have any more sex with the friend after your period came in January.  Then you began to have sex with your ex and by the time your February period was due, you had been having sex only with your ex since the time you had your period in January. And the first period that didn't come was the one in February.

If you're sure you were done having sex with the friend before your January period came, it doesn't sound like the friend is the dad. Also it sounds like you were pretty clear at that time that your child was from your ex -- probably that means the dates of sex with him corresponded to your child's birth date and not the sex with the earlier guy? I'd go with that as well. If the dates don't line up, it's a different question.

When you talk to your lawyer about child support, be ready to explain why you didn't attempt to get it sooner and why you want it now, so your lawyer will be ready to counter any argument by his lawyer that you have already waived it. (Which is B.S. anyway, because you can't waive your child's right to support, but he might try arguing it.) And also, be ready for your ex to require a DNA test. But in answer to your question, sex a month earlier doesn't affect when a child is conceived or who the father is, if the dates are that far apart.
Helpful - 0
11 Comments
Sorry I wasn't clear on my post but your first paragraph was what I was trying to say.

I am aware about the DNA test for child support and I am  more comfortable
About taking the DNA test because I know it's going to have to come sooner or later. I'm just a little paranoid because the friend that I was intimate with in January contacts me every couple of years asking am I sure that my ex boyfriend is the father, and I tell him every time yes I'm sure, but he has planted seeds of doubt in my mind because he has contacted me about it so often.
Well, at least he's being nice, and concerned, and didn't take a powder, like some of the girls on here have to cope with. One poor woman has two possible dads and they are both saying they cannot possibly be, and claiming they don't need to take a DNA test. (I mean, she can make them take the test with the help of the courts, but they are just being so rude. Evidently she was good enough to sleep with, but she's not good enough to give peace of mind?)

If you like, write the dates of the sex with the two guys and the birth date of your child (or, if she was premature or late, the estimated due date you were originally given), and we can go over it and confirm what we think. But if you had a menstrual period between the two guys, it's hard to believe there is much of a question.
My original due date was November 6th, but due to my mother passing away on October 3rd I went into premature labor. My daughter was born October 6th.
And you're satisfied from the ultrasounds as your pregnancy progressed and from your daughter's appearance when she was born (and the comments of your pediatrician) that she was indeed four+ weeks early? Did you have a lot of ultrasounds in pregnancy, or just one or two? And was your due date based on an ultrasound, or on the doc counting off the weeks on one of those little cardboard wheels where he puts in the date of your last period?
Yes I had more than two ultrasounds, one of them giving me the November 6th due date.  I also asked at the hospital if they were sure she was premature and they said yes. Idk maybe I'm being paranoid, but I just didn't want to put my daughter in a predicament where she would have to navigate through this later in life by herself.
Which ultrasound gave you the November 6 due date, was it the first one? How much did your daughter weigh when she was born?

If you and the first guy are still in touch, you could tell him that you intend to do a DNA test with for your daughter with the other guy, and ask him if he wants to also be tested. That would be the way to take this worry off your plate forever.
My daughter weighed 6lbs 12oz when she was born, that's what prompted me to ask if they were sure she was premature.
Hmm. Well, that's pretty big for a 35 1/2 week baby. As you give more details, it does suggest you have a reason to at least wonder. Did she have a lot of vernix when she was born, or was it all gone? Also, have you said above how early in the pregnancy you had your first ultrasound, and if that first ultrasound was the one that gave you the estimated due date?  

In your shoes, because you might wind up in court to get your ex to test, I'd get a DNA test with both men. I would want to be certain now that my recollection of what happened then is indeed exactly what happened. Presumably, at the time (when you were closer to events), you were able to remember for sure that you had sex only before the period with the first guy, and that you had sex with only the second guy after the period. And when your ultrasound said what, and when the doctor gave you that due date, and so forth. Presumably you did the right analysis at the time to figure out who is the dad, since events were fresh in your mind.  

That said, it would be confusing and difficult for your daughter some day if you in fact made a mistake either in your thinking now or even back then. And since it doesn't sound like the first guy would resist testing, sheez, go for it.

When you said above that your ex "has never wanted to be apart and has never been," I read that as, he has never wanted to be "a part" of your daughter's life, i.e., that he doesn't want anything to do with being your daughter's dad. If that's the case, it sounds like there is a chance he will only take the DNA test if the court orders it. If it's going to go to court, be totally certain to tell the other guy (that you are finally going to do a DNA test with your ex to put this question to rest), and to ask him to also get a DNA test at a lab whose tests are valid in court. Be sure your lawyer understands all this so he can do the best job of explaining things in court. You want to head off your ex trying to make a bombshell of the news that the dad might be a different guy by disclosing from the outset that you know that it is one guy or the other, nobody else. Maybe your lawyer could even find a way to explain to the court that the men were a month apart, but circumstances at the time (including you being told at the time by the hospital that your daughter was premature) made the issue a bit less clear.  
My first Ultrasound was pretty late in the game (5 months or more along) because I hadn't even told my family yet ( long story with that).

But you're right. I will just have a convo with my friend before going forward with the DNA test with my ex. Will just make things way easier.
Since he's being friendly, go for it. A fifth-month ultrasound isn't very useful for determining when you got pregnant. Ultrasounds are only useful for this purpose in the first few weeks of pregnancy. (Even by your 12th week, the doctor would say "give or take 7 days" if asked when you conceived based on your ultrasound, and that margin gets bigger the further along you are.) The more you explain about what happened, the more unsurprising it would be to find out that your daughter is from the first guy and not from your ex. Since this is beginning to sound more like it is a real possibility, make sure to do the DNA test at a lab certified by the courts, and find out from your lawyer what needs to happen so his name can be put into her records as her biological dad.
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the DNA / Paternity Community

Top Pregnancy Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
4769306 tn?1568490209
NC
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.