Who's the father

[Leannad]

Docs says I got pregnant between the 25th fe b and 1st of march had unprotected sex days leading up to that daysin between and after thats and unprotected sex the 8th with someone eles but was only a minute long realized it was a mistake and stoped I guess my question is is it possible the ultra sound was wrong and the person on the 8th us the father I don't think he ejaculated but guys lie soo!???

[AnnieBrooke]

I wouldn't let his fantasy of a big white wedding stop you from getting married, with two kids in existence who need certainty of their parents' status more than they need you two to blow a bunch of money. You can always have a big celebration in a year or two, there is no law against having big parties any time.  But there is nothing great about a big white wedding if a couple has other more serious places to put their money, like, a down payment on a house or getting the family on a firm financial footing.

The reason I said to do a DNA test with your first child when you do one with the second child is that you will need it in the (unexpected) event that the second child is not from him. If your boyfriend leaves due to a surprise in the paternity test of your second child, you *will* be in child-support territory and will need all the legal help you can get. The resemblance between father and son is not evidence that will matter to a judge. If you ever had to go to court to get child support for that child, you would need DNA evidence. You and your boyfriend need to get serious, either get married or you should get the legals in place in case he decides to take a hike.  Sorry to sound brusque, but you right now are in a position where you could be totally left holding the bag and you sound very vague for someone who is walking a tightrope over boiling lava.

[AnnieBrooke]

and ps -- it doesn't have to just be a big party later, you can even get married again in two years if you want (or in whatever time frame that you have the thousands of bucks to spend on the fantasy wedding). People have vow renewal ceremonies ALL THE TIME. It just seems more important for you to get this legal status nailed down as soon as possible. You will soon have two kids together. Their status as well as yours together is less shaky if the two of you get your act together.

[AnnieBrooke]

Do you live in the United States? Things are pretty cut-and-dried here regarding getting a DNA test done that is legally acceptable. Don't just go to the drugstore and get an off-the-shelf test ... if you ever had to prove he was the dad, the courts would not accept those results, and you don't save much money over doing it properly at the hospital when the baby is born, anyway.

[AnnieBrooke]

I really think, especially given that your guy is interested in doing a DNA test when the baby comes, that you have to handle this formally, ask your doctor how to do it. And test your other child also, and keep the paperwork together. That way if you ever do break up, or if you are not living together now but simply consider yourselves boyfriend and girlfriend but you are bearing all the costs of the kid(s), you have the legal proof you need for child support. If he balks at testing the first child, tell him it's important to get this legally squared away for both kids, and that testing with one child is only half the issue. Maybe it will wake him up to his responsibilities.

[Leannad]

We do live together and my son is deff his I would rather keep child support and all that out of our life even if  we do break up he only wants the DNA test to no For sure if she is his kid we no our son is he litterly is the spitin image of him the only problem we have here is not noing  For sure and if she's not his if what s gonna happen but what I do no is we are gonna try n come to an agreement with out courts and such

[AnnieBrooke]

What is keeping you from getting married?

[Leannad]

Well we are engaged but not noing forsure if this baby is his and the fact that we don't have the funds to have a wedding even tho I am not picky and would elope he wants to give me the big white wedding hopefully we will be soon he's a great guy and an amazing father but I really do think this baby girl is his  doing my last ultrasound today to see where she is in growth so that will help me more as well to

[AnnieBrooke]

I think the doctor is right and the ultrasounds are right and that you really don't have anything to worry about. It sounds like your two kids are from the same dad.

[Leannad]

That's what my best friend keeps telling me I guess this is just my way of punshing my self for what I did been with this same man for 6 years never once thought of any other guy like that this guy new we wear in a bad place in our relationship and took advantage of that noing I was also understand the influence as well
some menn suck he wants a DNA test but I don't have the funds for it before the baby comes so let's just hope the way she looks is enough for him until I get the money

[AnnieBrooke]

I assume your boyfriend is paying child support for your son? As part of getting a guy to pay  child support where I live, a DNA test is often done. Once the DNA test shows he is the dad, he is legally on the hook. Doing a DNA test after the baby comes is much less costly than before the baby comes, and the swabs can be done right at the hospital (this needs to be done with witnesses so your boyfriend can't send someone else in his place). Take care, and do this legally.

[Leannad]

No he's not pay child support we are together at the moment he said the only way we are gonna break up is if this baby is not his and we live together with our 2 year old

[AnnieBrooke]

If you would like, you could give the information like this (filling in the blanks with calendar dates, not "weeks" of pregnancy), and we could count it out just to reconfirm what the doctor said.

First day of last period: February ____
Sex with Guy 1:  February ___ through March ___
Sex with Guy 2:  February 8
First ultrasound: ___________________________

(Doctor said date of conception was Feb. 25-March 1)

[Leannad]

From what I remember first day of last peiriod was between the 15th and the 18th guy 1 I was with all the time he's my boyfriend and we never used protection but he did use the pull out method often that worked for a while but we got care less around the 20 of frb and so on then guy 2 I had a slip up with the 8th I t was literally only like 3 or 4 pumps and I had told him to stop because it was wrong I don't think he ejaculated and I had asked him and he said he definitely did not but guys lie also had continues unprotected sex with guy 1 after at 12 weeks I got ultrasound and they said my due date will be in between Nov 22 and Nov 26th I don't remember the exact date of my peiriod all I no is my peiriod is never on spot but it had been a lil early that month for some reason because it was usually started the 20 Thur the 25th but I told my doc to not just baise it off the first day of my last peiriod witch is why I did ultrasound and they said i concevied Feb 25th Thur March 1st witch makes sense to me I am just trying to figure out if there a possibility of it being guy 2 witch would be bad considering we already have a 2 year old together also did an ultrasound at 34 weeks and it said I was 34 weeks all  measurements pointed at the baby being 34 weeks and the ultrasound literally looks just like my son and guy 1 I no it's pointed at the father being guy 1 but I wanted to no how accurate early ultrasound  measurements are ,?

[Leannad]

This baby girl is due in 9 days I am having my c section done my boyfriend forgave me for what happened I told him everything the only thing that holding us both back is the fact that we don't no forsure who the father of this baby girl is he has and is Willing to work things out with me but not if it's not his kid he said it would hurt him to much to stay with me witch I understand but I messes our whole life up because we have a 2 year old son together and our whole life is together I am just broken hearted and hate my self for what I did this whole pregnancy I have been living with this I literally almost got an abortion I scheduled it and everything but I could not go Thur with it also looked in to adoption but again I can't give up my own baby girl for any man my kids come first I love my son more then anything I don't no how I could love my baby girl any less I am extremely excited but also nervous these 2 guys looked pretty similar too witch is crazy because he's a big native guy who not many look like him but guy 2 did look like him alot I just cant take this anymore it's killing me

[Leannad]

Just read my untrasound from 33 weeks and 5 days is what the baby measures at estimated due 11 25 2018

[AnnieBrooke]

If you spoke with your doctor explicitly about the need to know when you conceived (and didn't just say "How far along am I?"); in other words, if the doctor knew exactly what you were worried about and gave you that time range for conception, I'd trust the doctor's information.

[Leannad]

I did explain a lil bit and told her I don't no if the 15 of March was forsure the first day of my last peiriod and that I needed and ultrasound to tell and I also got in a car reck where they did an untrasound shortly after the first untrasound and told them I wasn't sure with the first day of my last peiriod was he the guys said it looks like ur due date is the 26th of Nov