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Help! 3 possible fathers.. yes I know what your thinking
Hi you all.. yes I know.. the title says it all! I am extremely ashamed about this situation I have put myself in but I SERIOUSLY need some guidance and advise from outsiders who have no connection to this situation... any honest input would be so greatly appreciated. The only "semi positive" thing about this situation is that 2 of the guys I have known for years. All 3 are wonderful people that come from great families as well.
Okay, I found out I am pregnant. The first day of my last period was on August 12, 2015. Here is out how it pans out :/
August 21st- Guy #1 (came inside me)
August 23rd- Guy #2 (came inside me)
August 28th- Guy #1 (PULLED OUT- DID NOT *** INSIDE ME)
August 28th- Guy #3 (came inside me)
August 29th- OVULATION!?!?!
I had EXTREME one sided pain (my doctor states that she is 99.999 percent sure this was ovulation, my periods were longer than 28 days) on August 29th...
From your opinions, any idea who the father COULD possibly be? I know this is a messy horrible situation, all completely self inflicted. All I am asking for is your input on who you think it could be. I have no one else to talk to about this and would sincerely appreciate any input on your thoughts.
Just an FYI I plan on getting a prenatal paternity test done through DDC at 9 weeks, but in the meantime I am just trying to figure this whole mess out.
Thank you for your time
Okay, I found out I am pregnant. The first day of my last period was on August 12, 2015. Here is out how it pans out :/
August 21st- Guy #1 (came inside me)
August 23rd- Guy #2 (came inside me)
August 28th- Guy #1 (PULLED OUT- DID NOT *** INSIDE ME)
August 28th- Guy #3 (came inside me)
August 29th- OVULATION!?!?!
I had EXTREME one sided pain (my doctor states that she is 99.999 percent sure this was ovulation, my periods were longer than 28 days) on August 29th...
From your opinions, any idea who the father COULD possibly be? I know this is a messy horrible situation, all completely self inflicted. All I am asking for is your input on who you think it could be. I have no one else to talk to about this and would sincerely appreciate any input on your thoughts.
Just an FYI I plan on getting a prenatal paternity test done through DDC at 9 weeks, but in the meantime I am just trying to figure this whole mess out.
Thank you for your time
Last question- theres no possible way they would show that someone is the father if they weren't right?!? Lol I know that sounds crazy but I need reassurance! 2 guys ruled out and tested the last guy last and showed he is the father- as my doctor said all along BC my cycles are longer and I ovulated CD 17 not CD 14 like someone would on a shorter cycle. My mind is playing tricks on me!
I'm back again- wow very impressed with how fast DDC was- guy #3 IS the father!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy. Good luck to all of you!
1 Comments
yey!!!!!!!!! I'm happy for you ! i tried responding on what the expect but i cant reply to anyone for some reason! did he say anything? hey im going to PM you with a request
Pleasee Pleasee updatee Im curious too see what DDC results are gonna be since they did just exclude the other 2 and so with this test has too be inclusion of course.
Awww thank you!!! We are going to do the prenatal test with DDC just so that we feel completely comfortable and see on paper that it is his! Idk why but I am SO nervous that the test was wrong for the first 2 guys but I highly doubt they would still be in business or even offer the test with such strong percentages (either 99% or 0) if they were inaccurate. I will definitely keep you all posted!!
Congrats hope yuh can Injoy yur pregnancy at last having some peace of mind knowing who's the dad
im happy it all worked out and the worry can at least be put too ease a little.
Thank you for the update.
You said your gonna be testing again are you gonna do the DDC non invasive again with the potential father ? Or do you mean after birth ..?
Thank you for the update.
You said your gonna be testing again are you gonna do the DDC non invasive again with the potential father ? Or do you mean after birth ..?
Hi guys! I feel like alot of people do not come on here and give an update... well the verdict is in! I tested guy #1 and guy #2 and BOTH were excluded as potential fathers. The people at the DDC said they would not exclude them if there was even a 1% chance of them possibly being the father. So that makes it guy #3... as i was wishing for. He still wants to get the test done so we are going to do that but atleast going into his test I can completely feel confident that it will show he is the father.
Just wanted to let you all know!!!
Just wanted to let you all know!!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Why is it time to tell him, when you can't test yet? Since the 29th or 30th does not rule out guy #1, I would not tell anyone weeks in advance, unless you like ruining people's peaceful night's sleep for weeks. There is nothing that can be done to know for sure until you are at the date where the DDC will do the test. You are ready to write off someone who had "pulled out," but like the poster above, I also know someone who got pregnant using that so-called method. Please test with guy 1 and guy 3, and especially please, if you care about them at all, don't tell them so far in advance.
Hi guys,
Just a quick update. I went to get my ultrasound today. My doctor measured in two different ways and is 95% confident that the date I ovulated on was the 29th or 30th. She strongly believes still (90% sure) that guy # 3 is the dad. I am 5 weeks 6 days by both of her measurements.
Now its time to break the news to him. I am not sure how this is going to go. I think I am just going to test #3 first and then go from there.
This is so scary!!
Just a quick update. I went to get my ultrasound today. My doctor measured in two different ways and is 95% confident that the date I ovulated on was the 29th or 30th. She strongly believes still (90% sure) that guy # 3 is the dad. I am 5 weeks 6 days by both of her measurements.
Now its time to break the news to him. I am not sure how this is going to go. I think I am just going to test #3 first and then go from there.
This is so scary!!
COMMUNITY LEADER
Women post often on this community and say "What if the (fill in the blank -- doctor, ultrasound, lab) is WRONG!?!!?!" That is just generalized anxiety talking. You are doing your best to come up with a rational answer.
If it is wrong, and your life will still go on with your wonderful baby, and you will make decisions, and you will have a good life that you create, the way you have before. Test twice if you don't trust the DDC test when the results come, test one time with the DDC and another time with Ravgen, test when the baby comes, it is not like you only have this one shot to be sure. (This, by the way, is why I counseled you not to test with the two least likely candidates but to test with the two most likely ones. If you are at such a level of anxiety that you are using the word 'terrified,' a couple of negatives is not going to do anything for you. You'll start in with "what if the negative tests are WRONG?!?!?!" and will feel like you tested wrong.).
I think that right now you're just feeling fraught because of the uncertainty and the fact that the situation was caused by your choices (plus none of the men disagreeing) but terror really has no place in this mix, from where I sit you are in a pretty good place. Sure, maybe not married and no little house with a cat and white picket fence, but otherwise OK as these things go, and your choices are not terrifying.
If it is wrong, and your life will still go on with your wonderful baby, and you will make decisions, and you will have a good life that you create, the way you have before. Test twice if you don't trust the DDC test when the results come, test one time with the DDC and another time with Ravgen, test when the baby comes, it is not like you only have this one shot to be sure. (This, by the way, is why I counseled you not to test with the two least likely candidates but to test with the two most likely ones. If you are at such a level of anxiety that you are using the word 'terrified,' a couple of negatives is not going to do anything for you. You'll start in with "what if the negative tests are WRONG?!?!?!" and will feel like you tested wrong.).
I think that right now you're just feeling fraught because of the uncertainty and the fact that the situation was caused by your choices (plus none of the men disagreeing) but terror really has no place in this mix, from where I sit you are in a pretty good place. Sure, maybe not married and no little house with a cat and white picket fence, but otherwise OK as these things go, and your choices are not terrifying.
Thank you Annie. My ultrasound is next Friday so I will definitely keep you posted. As for the prenatatal testing- do you feel it is as accurate as the claim?
My biggest fear is that one guy is excluded then it ends up being his. This terrifies me.
My biggest fear is that one guy is excluded then it ends up being his. This terrifies me.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Write back when you get the ultrasound. Not to be repetitive, but ask them not to take your period into account when they give you the estimated due date. And don't let the "weeks" count confuse you, they add two weeks at the front end.
You were with guy #1 and #3 on 8-28-2015. One pulled out the other one did not. I just want to input that I got pregnant with precum from a guy that did not ejaculate. I was with a one night stand with a stranger who used a condom and the other one did too but before he did he did not use for like less than a minute i believe it was seconds...but now that I think of it maybe more but I do not remember...all I know is he got me pregnant and I am currently pregnant. So in my OPINION it could be either guy #1 or #3.
COMMUNITY LEADER
a week or just a few days *before* you would want to do the test
COMMUNITY LEADER
CVS can't be done early in the pregnancy, I don't think. If memory serves, it can't be done until the 4th or 5th month. But more important, it carries a slight risk to the pregnancy, and because of that, most doctors will not do it just to determine paternity. Women can get paternity information from it if they have to have the CVS procedure done for something else, but it is not recommended if a prenatal blood test is available for the same thing. Drawing blood from your arm for a test from Ravgen or the DDC does not risk miscarriage.
I don't guess that in your position I would tell any of the guys that there are three possible fathers, unless you already have. No matter how free and easy of a sex life a man has, he does not have the same reaction to hearing that a woman has one too, especially if a baby was the result. I would individually ask the first two guys to test and would leave it at that, no further explanation or comment. Of course they will understand that you had sex with someone other than them or they would not need to test, but they will also be somewhat shocked at the news (that they might be a dad -- Welcome to the Responsibility, Worry and Financial Obligation Club!). You don't need to give them something else (such as, "I slept with three men in short order") to transfer their shock and judgement to. That only works twenty years later when you all live in Greece and sing Abba songs. But you are not Meryl Streep. :)
My other suggestion would be to tell each of the first two guys you test with, only about a week or even just a few days less you would want to do the test. We get letters on the site from guys who have gotten vague "You might need to test with me" statements from women and then the women string it out or they have told the guy so early that there is no way to test yet, and the poor guys are pretty much wringing their hands and trying to do the math and freaking out. Please give them as little extra time as possible, enough to be able to schedule the test but not weeks, or their life will be pretty tough for that amount of time. I realize your life is tough right now, too, but two of them are not the dad, and it would be kind of you to give them that amount of restraint.
I don't guess that in your position I would tell any of the guys that there are three possible fathers, unless you already have. No matter how free and easy of a sex life a man has, he does not have the same reaction to hearing that a woman has one too, especially if a baby was the result. I would individually ask the first two guys to test and would leave it at that, no further explanation or comment. Of course they will understand that you had sex with someone other than them or they would not need to test, but they will also be somewhat shocked at the news (that they might be a dad -- Welcome to the Responsibility, Worry and Financial Obligation Club!). You don't need to give them something else (such as, "I slept with three men in short order") to transfer their shock and judgement to. That only works twenty years later when you all live in Greece and sing Abba songs. But you are not Meryl Streep. :)
My other suggestion would be to tell each of the first two guys you test with, only about a week or even just a few days less you would want to do the test. We get letters on the site from guys who have gotten vague "You might need to test with me" statements from women and then the women string it out or they have told the guy so early that there is no way to test yet, and the poor guys are pretty much wringing their hands and trying to do the math and freaking out. Please give them as little extra time as possible, enough to be able to schedule the test but not weeks, or their life will be pretty tough for that amount of time. I realize your life is tough right now, too, but two of them are not the dad, and it would be kind of you to give them that amount of restraint.
Luckily the kit I am doing is through bloodwork and they have to show a photo ID. Yes also in a very good place with each of them, yet not sure how to break to it all 3... However, the only thing in my favor is that I was clearly not monogomous with any of them so they should not be alarmed if in asking them to take a test, if I were them I would want to know ASAP!
Can CVS be done through DDC? Not many resources down here in my area to find out where to go to get it done. I am assuming a high risk place as they need an ultrasound to do the procedure.
Thank you Annie.
Can CVS be done through DDC? Not many resources down here in my area to find out where to go to get it done. I am assuming a high risk place as they need an ultrasound to do the procedure.
Thank you Annie.
COMMUNITY LEADER
If you want to know what I mean, imagine the difference between saying "I'm pregnant and I think you must be the dad because I tested everyone else and they are all negatives," and "I'm pregnant and the test came up positive for you being the dad."
If you are on good terms with all the guys, go to the lab with them when they do their swab to send in. We've heard on this forum a few stories that hint at a guy possibly faking the test.
If you are on good terms with all the guys, go to the lab with them when they do their swab to send in. We've heard on this forum a few stories that hint at a guy possibly faking the test.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I would test with #1 and #3. There is no point in testing with the two least likely candidates, you want to get a positive, not two negatives. "Positive by extrapolation" is neither as certain nor as reassuring as positive from a test.
The two places I recommend for prenatal paternity testing are Ravgen and the DDC.
The two places I recommend for prenatal paternity testing are Ravgen and the DDC.
Ive only slept with guy #3 since the 28th on.
Have you happen to have seen anything on here with the prenatal paternity testing? I cant seem to find much on it :( just with the accuracy. I was thinking of testing the LEAST likely (#1 & #2).
I spoke with my doctor this afternoon, she almost ruled out #1 because of him "pulling out". She said although you can get pregnant with pre ***, it is extremely rare. She said she has never had a case of that before.
Thank you Annie for being here for me. It means more than I can express on here. I am really distraught and sick over this.
I was wondering about CVS prenatal paternity testing too? Im sorry to keep bothering you but I literally have NO WHERE else to turn.
Have you happen to have seen anything on here with the prenatal paternity testing? I cant seem to find much on it :( just with the accuracy. I was thinking of testing the LEAST likely (#1 & #2).
I spoke with my doctor this afternoon, she almost ruled out #1 because of him "pulling out". She said although you can get pregnant with pre ***, it is extremely rare. She said she has never had a case of that before.
Thank you Annie for being here for me. It means more than I can express on here. I am really distraught and sick over this.
I was wondering about CVS prenatal paternity testing too? Im sorry to keep bothering you but I literally have NO WHERE else to turn.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ovulation doesn't happen every 14-15 days, you get a period after ovulating, and ovulation is not 14 or 15 from the last period, but 14 or 15 to the next period. In other words, ovulating leads, and a period follows (if you don't get pregnant from that ovulation) in a couple of weeks. Then you ovulate again whenever, and the period follows in about 2 weeks. Given your long cycles, I would test with anyone you had sex with from September 1-5 first, and then with the two guys from August 28. If August 28 was the last time you had sex, I would test with those two guys first.
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