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Who’s my baby’s father? - ovulation help.
Just found out I am pregnant and I am going out of my mind with worry. The first day of my last period was 15th Dec 2020. My cycles vary from 27-31 days. Does that means I ovulated on the 29th Dec?
I made a mistake and slept with person A on the 1st Jan 21. i don’t know if this makes a difference but it was the first time I have slept with this person we both wasn’t really aroused at all, he wasn’t fully erect and could barely put it in as in it was dry and felt like it was only rubbing on the outside, the tip may have managed to go in only for a few thrusts. We stopped within a few minutes. He did not cum. So I’m thinking it would be difficult to get pregnant from this.
2nd of Jan 21 I had really bad bloating and Symptoms Of ovulation. Could I have been ovulating late?
I then had sex with my ex on the 3rd of Jan 21. We had a lot of foreplay, had sex for 5 minutes if that, he then pulled-out just before he cum. He got me pregnant very quickly when we were previously together around 4 years ago.
I noticed I was around a week late for my period on the 21st Jan 21 so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. The dates mark me 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant from my last period, and I must be either 3 weeks & 3 days / 3 weeks since conception. I have a scan on 28th Jan 21, will they be able to give me a conception date or anymore information?
Who’s the dad because neither of the dates match to my ovulation? Dates look more like the first but that’s such a slim chance, everything’s pointing to the second but the dates of my ovulation and periods. Please help I’m freaking out so much I can’t sleep.
I made a mistake and slept with person A on the 1st Jan 21. i don’t know if this makes a difference but it was the first time I have slept with this person we both wasn’t really aroused at all, he wasn’t fully erect and could barely put it in as in it was dry and felt like it was only rubbing on the outside, the tip may have managed to go in only for a few thrusts. We stopped within a few minutes. He did not cum. So I’m thinking it would be difficult to get pregnant from this.
2nd of Jan 21 I had really bad bloating and Symptoms Of ovulation. Could I have been ovulating late?
I then had sex with my ex on the 3rd of Jan 21. We had a lot of foreplay, had sex for 5 minutes if that, he then pulled-out just before he cum. He got me pregnant very quickly when we were previously together around 4 years ago.
I noticed I was around a week late for my period on the 21st Jan 21 so I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. The dates mark me 5 weeks and 5 days pregnant from my last period, and I must be either 3 weeks & 3 days / 3 weeks since conception. I have a scan on 28th Jan 21, will they be able to give me a conception date or anymore information?
Who’s the dad because neither of the dates match to my ovulation? Dates look more like the first but that’s such a slim chance, everything’s pointing to the second but the dates of my ovulation and periods. Please help I’m freaking out so much I can’t sleep.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi, did you read the FAQ's at the top of this community? They address the question of how reliable it is to try to guess when your next ovulation is based on your last period. (Not in fact very reliable for most women.) https://www.medhelp.org/posts/DNA---Paternity/FAQs----Who-is-my-babys-father/show/3035989 They also talk about the time order for doing things to try to tell who the dad is, and would be a helpful list for you because you're nice and early.
To do the best you can with period dates, you count backward from when the next period was due (if they are regular) rather than forward from when the last one came. (Ovulation happens 14-15 days *before* the next period, not any certain number of days after the last period.) The 27- to 31-day cycle length you mentioned suggests your period might have come on January 11, 12, 13, 14 or 15. Counting back from that suggests ovulation any day between the 27th of December through January 2. This span of time unfortunately includes both men. (Though you had sex with the second guy on January 3, an egg can last 24-36 hours in your body waiting to be fertilized.)
As the FAQs suggest, the next step would be to get an early ultrasound, which you're going to do next week. I caution, though, that with the sex being only two days apart, even an early ultrasound might not help you sort this out. If sperm was in your body from the first guy (and it could have been), it would have been still alive in your reproductive tract at the same time as sperm from the second guy. But it is still worth a try to get an early ultrasound, and it sounds like your ultrasound will be in your sixth week, a good early date.
For the best information from your ultrasound, be sure to ask for the estimated due date of the baby based only the measurements of the baby, not on the first day of your last period. (Especially, don't just let them pat you on the head and look at a little cardboard wheel and just tell you a number of "weeks pregnant.") In fact, if you have not already told them when your last period was, tell them you can't remember for sure. That way, if they give you a due date, you can be confident that it will be only from the measurements and developmental markers of the baby, and not from them counting forward two weeks from your last period. If you have already told them when your last period was, tell them that your cycles are really irregular, and that you'd like the due date to be based only on the baby's measurements and not on when your period was.
The reason I don't think the first guy is ruled out is that his timing is good, and sometimes when a guy is barely able to keep an erection, it's because he has recently ejaculated (a wet dream, masturbation, or sex with someone else). If a man has had a relatively recent ejaculation, it leaves some sperm in his urethra, a nice, perfect-temperature and moist location that is not dangerous to sperm. The fluid from the Cowper's gland that lubricates the penis prior to sex ("pre-come") provides a very nice ride for any sperm waiting around in the urethra to go right into the lady's vagina or cervix. That's why "pulling out" does not work as a birth-control method, and why we get women writing in and saying they don't know how they got pregnant because the guy pulled out before ejaculating. The spermies took a ride on the pre-come bus and went right to the place whether he came with them or not.
Anyway, write back when you get an estimated due date from your ultrasound. Don't let them try to send you away with just a "weeks pregnant" count. (Especially since doctors often base those on when the woman's last period was, they aren't very helpful for what you need to know.) You can use the estimated due date to count back 266 days to the estimated conception date (on a calendar, or there are online calculators for this). At the best, maybe it will indicate that you conceived late enough to suggest the first guy is less likely. But I'm afraid it probably won't rule either guy out.
Given all of the above, you should also consider whether to do a prenatal DNA test from Ravgen or the DDC. They are expensive (ten times more costly than doing a DNA test after the baby comes), but at least then you will know. If you do it, please do it with both guys. One man's positive will rule out the other man's negative and vice versa, and you won't have to worry about the test being somehow mistaken.
Good luck, write back!
Annie
To do the best you can with period dates, you count backward from when the next period was due (if they are regular) rather than forward from when the last one came. (Ovulation happens 14-15 days *before* the next period, not any certain number of days after the last period.) The 27- to 31-day cycle length you mentioned suggests your period might have come on January 11, 12, 13, 14 or 15. Counting back from that suggests ovulation any day between the 27th of December through January 2. This span of time unfortunately includes both men. (Though you had sex with the second guy on January 3, an egg can last 24-36 hours in your body waiting to be fertilized.)
As the FAQs suggest, the next step would be to get an early ultrasound, which you're going to do next week. I caution, though, that with the sex being only two days apart, even an early ultrasound might not help you sort this out. If sperm was in your body from the first guy (and it could have been), it would have been still alive in your reproductive tract at the same time as sperm from the second guy. But it is still worth a try to get an early ultrasound, and it sounds like your ultrasound will be in your sixth week, a good early date.
For the best information from your ultrasound, be sure to ask for the estimated due date of the baby based only the measurements of the baby, not on the first day of your last period. (Especially, don't just let them pat you on the head and look at a little cardboard wheel and just tell you a number of "weeks pregnant.") In fact, if you have not already told them when your last period was, tell them you can't remember for sure. That way, if they give you a due date, you can be confident that it will be only from the measurements and developmental markers of the baby, and not from them counting forward two weeks from your last period. If you have already told them when your last period was, tell them that your cycles are really irregular, and that you'd like the due date to be based only on the baby's measurements and not on when your period was.
The reason I don't think the first guy is ruled out is that his timing is good, and sometimes when a guy is barely able to keep an erection, it's because he has recently ejaculated (a wet dream, masturbation, or sex with someone else). If a man has had a relatively recent ejaculation, it leaves some sperm in his urethra, a nice, perfect-temperature and moist location that is not dangerous to sperm. The fluid from the Cowper's gland that lubricates the penis prior to sex ("pre-come") provides a very nice ride for any sperm waiting around in the urethra to go right into the lady's vagina or cervix. That's why "pulling out" does not work as a birth-control method, and why we get women writing in and saying they don't know how they got pregnant because the guy pulled out before ejaculating. The spermies took a ride on the pre-come bus and went right to the place whether he came with them or not.
Anyway, write back when you get an estimated due date from your ultrasound. Don't let them try to send you away with just a "weeks pregnant" count. (Especially since doctors often base those on when the woman's last period was, they aren't very helpful for what you need to know.) You can use the estimated due date to count back 266 days to the estimated conception date (on a calendar, or there are online calculators for this). At the best, maybe it will indicate that you conceived late enough to suggest the first guy is less likely. But I'm afraid it probably won't rule either guy out.
Given all of the above, you should also consider whether to do a prenatal DNA test from Ravgen or the DDC. They are expensive (ten times more costly than doing a DNA test after the baby comes), but at least then you will know. If you do it, please do it with both guys. One man's positive will rule out the other man's negative and vice versa, and you won't have to worry about the test being somehow mistaken.
Good luck, write back!
Annie
6 Comments
Thank you so much for your detailed and helpful response. I have been up for days researching & as suspected it looks neither can be ruled out. I have such a strong feeling it’s the second but obviously can not be sure with all the other factors.
With the prenatal DNA, it says from 7 weeks. do you know if that’s 7weeks since last period or 7 weeks since conception? & are you aware of anyone that’s had results that early on? It states if they don’t find enough fetal dna at 7 weeks they have to test again in another 2 weeks.
I will definitely come back with the estimated due date on Thursday.
Thank you, :)
With the prenatal DNA, it says from 7 weeks. do you know if that’s 7weeks since last period or 7 weeks since conception? & are you aware of anyone that’s had results that early on? It states if they don’t find enough fetal dna at 7 weeks they have to test again in another 2 weeks.
I will definitely come back with the estimated due date on Thursday.
Thank you, :)
Usually any kind of count of weeks of pregnancy is calibrated to the way doctors do the count, i.e., from the first day of the last period. It would be really surprising if DNA labs use a different kind of count, because it would lead to endless confusion with their clients who have gotten accustomed to how their doctor counts the weeks of pregnancy.
Occasionally someone will write in that she did a prenatal DNA test and will mention how far along she was when she did it (I remember someone mentioning that she had the test done at 8 weeks, for example.) But if the lab is telling you that the likelihood of capturing enough DNA is better at 9 weeks than at 7 weeks, , it seems like a good idea to do it at 9 weeks. This is especially true since you don't really know how late in your cycle you ovulated.
Occasionally someone will write in that she did a prenatal DNA test and will mention how far along she was when she did it (I remember someone mentioning that she had the test done at 8 weeks, for example.) But if the lab is telling you that the likelihood of capturing enough DNA is better at 9 weeks than at 7 weeks, , it seems like a good idea to do it at 9 weeks. This is especially true since you don't really know how late in your cycle you ovulated.
They put me at 5weeks and 5 days today (28th Jan) based on size, which doesn’t make any sense to me? I had a period 15th Dec - 19th Dec, & only had sex on 1st Jan & 3rd Jan.
Due date 25th September. Counting back 266 days from that is a conception date of 2nd Jan. does this completely cancel out the 2nd potential father?
Neither guy is out of the running from this January 2 date. Ultrasounds at such an early point in pregnancy are pretty precise, but you can't rule out sex on January 3 from an ultrasound measuring the baby as conceived January 2. It sounds like you need to make plans to do a DNA test.
Incidentally, 5 weeks 5 days is the gestational time period, or GA, which count begins two weeks before conception. This lines up exactly with what they told you when they gave you the due date of September 25. (The GA time period doesn't begin at conception, it begins at the assumed or calculated first day of the woman's last menstrual period.)
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