i slept with two guys and need help on who the father is

[erikashae]

i had sex with guy #1 from feb 14- feb 17. he always pulled out and i was even on my period until the 15th of that month. i has been having sex with guy #2 for a year and i always let him finish in me. i conceived my child feb 19. i was with guy #2 feb 18-21 having unprotected sex. i need peace of mind on who the father is because i really hope it's guy #2. someone please help me

[AnnieBrooke]

Even by 9w2d there is a margin for error of +/- 3 days or so when using an ultrasound to try to determine who the dad is. And even if you could find out for sure you conceived on the 19th, sperm can live 4-6 days in your body. If your co-worker had sperm in his urethra when you had sex, it could have easily ridden in on his pre-ejaculatory fluid whether or not he ejaculated. This means you could have had viable sperm in your body from both guys from the 18-23rd and viable sperm from the co-worker before that and from the ex after that. Basically, pulling out before ejaculation isn't guaranteed to prevent pregnancy, and your conception date can't be pinpointed to the 19th (even though your due date is November 12 and was given to you by a somewhat early ultrasound.) This means, even with ultrasounds, you cannot know until you get a DNA test.

If you plan to keep the baby, you'll have to do a DNA test with both guys. There is a realistic overlap, and it is right around when you ovulated, and either of them could be the dad. Everyone involved -- you, the baby and the men -- has the right to know the truth.

When talking about the need for a test with your coworker, be sure he understands that it is possible for a woman to get pregnant even if "pulling out" is used. His chances might be less because he put less material in your body, but millions of sperm are produced at one ejaculation and they can live a surprisingly long time in the urethra. His chances are not zero. You might print out something from a medical site about whether "pulling out" is birth control (it's not), to show him if you don't think he'll believe it.

Does your ex know you had relations with someone so close in time to when you had sex with him? You are going to need to tell him that a test is necessary, no matter what. You can either just tell him straight up that you had sex before you two got together in February, or you could possibly try to gloss the situation by acting like you are simply being honorable in making it possible for him to be certain he is the dad. He will need to test, though. t's a lot simpler just to be honest.

Anyway, the goal with these communications is to tell both men that you expect them to do a DNA test. (You should also know your legal right to have a judge summon them to do it. Not to threaten them with it, but to help you be comfortable with your rights and your child's rights.) In the best of all possible worlds, both guys and you could divide the extremely high cost of prenatal DNA testing and you could get a test with both guys really soon, while you are still pregnant. Then you would know before the baby comes, which might make a difference to the guys. But if nobody can afford the prenatal test, you will absolutely need to test once the baby comes. The cost of a DNA test done after the baby comes is only about a tenth of the amount of a DNA test done before the baby comes. Again, test with both guys.

Good luck!

[AnnieBrooke]

[Note for other readers than the original poster: Some of the information referred to in this answer, such as the fact that the poster had an ultrasound at 9 weeks 2 days, was explained by the o.p. in a private message.]