A Mask

[Lephosto]

I feel in a sense that I have lost who I am. That for a long time I've put up a front for people to see and have become great at pretending. When others are around, I find myself conforming or putting on a mask that gives them what they need. I am by no means letting people walk over me or treat me badly... as far as I can tell. As long as others are around I seem fine but when I am left alone, I feel more complete and some what more peaceful. But at the same time I begin to dwell on ideas and thoughts that I have and can really bring me down. Throw in fits of euphoria and the occasional strong sense that this world is fake and I can be free from its hold on me by doing one thing or another and it starts to seem a little more awkward. I don't feel depressed alot, and I have friends and family that care. I just find it hard to connect to them on my level. I try not to share to much about my own personal ideas or feelings because I think it sounds crazy sometimes! I can't afford to go see someone about it becuase of my profession. I guess my question is why do I feel so empty?  

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

The feeling of "emptiness" or disconnectedness is a complex phenomenon in itself and there are many contributors, but for starters you should explore the strong possibility that the emptiness is really a very forceful suppression of very strong feelings...like pushing something done so far inside you it creates a psychological vacuum...=emptiness...If you can't explore this with a traditional therapist, maybe some form of exploratory meditation will be a way of getting there.

[gretch09]

Finally, I find someone who feels the same exact way as me. I feel a little less crazy right now. Like you, the emptiness inside is the most distressing feeling for me (if you can even call it a 'feeling'.. it's more of a void of feelings) I have friends and family around, who care for me, but there is a genuine void inside of me. The more I dwell on it, the more I question who I really am as a person and whether I even have a character inside. But on the other hand, I have moments of happiness and fulfillment.

I just want you to know that you are not alone in this struggle and I will wait for the doctor's response as well. Thanks for asking it!