Your years of abuse and trauma are now catching up with you, so you must see a psychiatrist or other psychotherapist to work this out. The cure rate with psychotherapy is very high, you can get help, so you must go seek help. Your background in neuroscience can help you, but you can't do this alone.
Stress and depression are killing me. I have been seen by a psychiatrist and a councelor for over a year now steady. I've been in and out of counceling for eleven years. I see a councelor and get ideas on how I could make things better. When I see the doctor, I get 20 minutes of questioning and yet another prescription. It never feels like the goal of the medical staff is to actually help. They give you the amount of time you paid for and that is pretty much it. I reached out for help. I have kept every appointment. I take the pills they give me and I try to do the things they suggest.
I have tried to commit suicide twice ( the last time was eleven years ago). Last month the thought of ending my life was all I could think about. During the visit with my councelor, she suggested that I go to the hospital. She arranged for me to put my children in temporary foster care and I went to the emergency room and then to the Behavioral Medicine unit for five days. It felt more like punishment than anything else! Locked down. They took my stuff. Isolation. The "groups" were a joke. I got approximately 20 minutes per day with the doctor. She seemed to know what she was talking about but obviously had too many patients to be able to spend any amount of time on my problems. What do you do when the available help is not enough?
Have you tried group therapy. I had years of abuse it has really helped me. I am getting ready to enter another group, because one can need help again during very stressful times,