Aa
Dating
Hi there, I am a young woman age 26 and the man that I am currently dating is 35 and lives with Schizophrenia.
He was very open with me in the beginning about living with a mental illness and has actually created a career out of helping artists who live with mental illnesses. He has told me that he has had everything under control for several years now. Once I realized how little I knew about the illness, I started reading research papers and books to help me understand better, however non of the information seems to really help me understand what part of his personality is him and which part is the illness.
I am having problems understanding the following:
- He’s always tired from his medication (What can I do to support him to have more energy or be active? What would be considered active enough for someone on medication of the sorts?)
- Lack’s consistency…ughh…I have been extremely patient with him however I have just started to let him know how that affects me…I guess that's the journey of discovering someone
- His indecisiveness is almost hurtful sometimes. He wants to see me and he wants to sleep or wants to do other things at work that he doesn't end up doing, I find in the beginning of the relationship that two people would want to spend lots of time together however would that be different for someone living with Schizophrenia?
P.S. He’s also going through a divorce with a three year old son at the moment, they have been separated for a year and he is currently taking care of his son part time…however it sounds like his parents are highly involved with his son when he has him.
Thank you for your time.
He was very open with me in the beginning about living with a mental illness and has actually created a career out of helping artists who live with mental illnesses. He has told me that he has had everything under control for several years now. Once I realized how little I knew about the illness, I started reading research papers and books to help me understand better, however non of the information seems to really help me understand what part of his personality is him and which part is the illness.
I am having problems understanding the following:
- He’s always tired from his medication (What can I do to support him to have more energy or be active? What would be considered active enough for someone on medication of the sorts?)
- Lack’s consistency…ughh…I have been extremely patient with him however I have just started to let him know how that affects me…I guess that's the journey of discovering someone
- His indecisiveness is almost hurtful sometimes. He wants to see me and he wants to sleep or wants to do other things at work that he doesn't end up doing, I find in the beginning of the relationship that two people would want to spend lots of time together however would that be different for someone living with Schizophrenia?
P.S. He’s also going through a divorce with a three year old son at the moment, they have been separated for a year and he is currently taking care of his son part time…however it sounds like his parents are highly involved with his son when he has him.
Thank you for your time.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Schizophrenia is a label that covers a lot of different behaviors. As long as you and he think he is stable on his medications and in control, you will have to work on the specific behaviors rather than the illness per se. Jaquta started to give you some excellent suggestions, and you should seek more, but keep in mind that having an intimate trusting relationship is difficult for people with this diagnosis, but extremely helpful and therapeutic if it can be made to work.
I still find the issue of personality and illness very confusing.
I think sometimes it makes sense to differentiate aspects of an illness. I don't know if this negates responsibility but it absolves anyone of blame. People don't like to be blamed for things that seem beyond their control. It makes them feel powerless.
My perception is that this forum expert prefers us to look at symptoms as evidence that something isn't working in our lives and to make changes based on that.
Illness can affect thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
I was taught that illness can be a part of you or it can consume you. I was shown this by a diagram. If you take a sheet of paper and draw a circle on it, everything inside that circle represents you. If you draw a smaller circle inside the larger one, that represents illness. The affect illness has on any one person may be large or small and can vary over time.
I had no understanding of mental illness either until I was asked to take an anti-depressant. I guess from that that I assumed they thought I was depressed. Illness (and wellness) can take a while to grasp and understand.
If you have never personally experienced, or witnessed it, it can be extremely difficult.
I think being open-minded is the best way forward. Empathy also goes a long way.
You can offer suggestions but let him decide what is best for him (assuming that he is managing his condition well).
I find that when people qualify things they make more sense. It can also show that people are coming from a place of concern versus one of judgment.
I don't know about other people but I don't like people tip-toeing around me in fear that they may upset me, etc. Be sensitive but also be honest.
It's possible there're other issues going on. How committed is he to the relationship with you? Is it fear holding him back? ??
I think structure is something that works well for many people with mental illness (and also many without it).
Maybe finding a good time to talk to him when there are no distractions, etc could be helpful.
You have a right to express your own thoughts and feelings.
Maybe look at dealing with the consequences if and when they arise.
I understand that having that conversation now may be stressful (especially with the divorce and work) but I think that it isn't something that should be put off indefinitely. Maybe talking about the boundaries of your relationship would also enable you to be more supportive. ?? Just be open and honest with him. This affects you too.
Good luck!!
I think sometimes it makes sense to differentiate aspects of an illness. I don't know if this negates responsibility but it absolves anyone of blame. People don't like to be blamed for things that seem beyond their control. It makes them feel powerless.
My perception is that this forum expert prefers us to look at symptoms as evidence that something isn't working in our lives and to make changes based on that.
Illness can affect thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
I was taught that illness can be a part of you or it can consume you. I was shown this by a diagram. If you take a sheet of paper and draw a circle on it, everything inside that circle represents you. If you draw a smaller circle inside the larger one, that represents illness. The affect illness has on any one person may be large or small and can vary over time.
I had no understanding of mental illness either until I was asked to take an anti-depressant. I guess from that that I assumed they thought I was depressed. Illness (and wellness) can take a while to grasp and understand.
If you have never personally experienced, or witnessed it, it can be extremely difficult.
I think being open-minded is the best way forward. Empathy also goes a long way.
You can offer suggestions but let him decide what is best for him (assuming that he is managing his condition well).
I find that when people qualify things they make more sense. It can also show that people are coming from a place of concern versus one of judgment.
I don't know about other people but I don't like people tip-toeing around me in fear that they may upset me, etc. Be sensitive but also be honest.
It's possible there're other issues going on. How committed is he to the relationship with you? Is it fear holding him back? ??
I think structure is something that works well for many people with mental illness (and also many without it).
Maybe finding a good time to talk to him when there are no distractions, etc could be helpful.
You have a right to express your own thoughts and feelings.
Maybe look at dealing with the consequences if and when they arise.
I understand that having that conversation now may be stressful (especially with the divorce and work) but I think that it isn't something that should be put off indefinitely. Maybe talking about the boundaries of your relationship would also enable you to be more supportive. ?? Just be open and honest with him. This affects you too.
Good luck!!
Thank you for responding. I actually had a chance to talk to my boyfriend last night however not in much detail. I didn't realize that personality and the illness would be seperate, I thought the illness would affect the way someone wants to be, act, feel and do things...I'm still making sense of everything as I really have had no education on mental illness's. I have started to research Schizophrenia and mental illness's in general via internet and books...
As for the meds, that's a great suggestion, I havn't wanted to say too much as I didn't want to pressure him in fear that I would put him over the edge.
He seems to be indecisive when it comes to seeing me and he seems to find it difficult to find time for me.. maybe nothing to do with his illness and more just to do with a previous relationship...somthing I need to look at on a seperate level perhaps. He actually made a bit of a schedual last week and it worked great and then this week he's been all over the map (work has been busy recently as well).
I believe my biggest fear is speaking to him about how I feel and how that's going to affect him because I do feel that everything else in his life comes befor me and maybe it's just not a good time...
As for the meds, that's a great suggestion, I havn't wanted to say too much as I didn't want to pressure him in fear that I would put him over the edge.
He seems to be indecisive when it comes to seeing me and he seems to find it difficult to find time for me.. maybe nothing to do with his illness and more just to do with a previous relationship...somthing I need to look at on a seperate level perhaps. He actually made a bit of a schedual last week and it worked great and then this week he's been all over the map (work has been busy recently as well).
I believe my biggest fear is speaking to him about how I feel and how that's going to affect him because I do feel that everything else in his life comes befor me and maybe it's just not a good time...
Are they separate? (Personality and mental illness.)
I think that if a condition is sufficiently managed that a person wouldn't necessarily see any manifestations of the illness. The time one is most likely to observe signs of the illness is during times of stress.
I think that if your boyfriend started to exhibit any unusual behavior that you would know that he was unwell (and you could clearly identify them as being symptoms of his illness).
If he's always tired from his medication then it's possible the med could be reviewed.
This is something he could address with his psychiatrist.
I don't really understand what you mean when you speak of lack of consistency. In what ways does he lack consistency? In his responses to you? ??
People with emotional issues can be inconsistent and indecisive.
Medication may also affect a persons judgment.
Stress from the divorce may be affecting him. ??
Some parents can be over-protective of their children and it may be more this than him not being able to cope, etc.
Are you able to talk to your boyfriend some more about your concerns?
I think that there is also a schizophrenia forum here that you could access if you wanted more information. Many people with mental illness are open to discussing things with others.
I think that if a condition is sufficiently managed that a person wouldn't necessarily see any manifestations of the illness. The time one is most likely to observe signs of the illness is during times of stress.
I think that if your boyfriend started to exhibit any unusual behavior that you would know that he was unwell (and you could clearly identify them as being symptoms of his illness).
If he's always tired from his medication then it's possible the med could be reviewed.
This is something he could address with his psychiatrist.
I don't really understand what you mean when you speak of lack of consistency. In what ways does he lack consistency? In his responses to you? ??
People with emotional issues can be inconsistent and indecisive.
Medication may also affect a persons judgment.
Stress from the divorce may be affecting him. ??
Some parents can be over-protective of their children and it may be more this than him not being able to cope, etc.
Are you able to talk to your boyfriend some more about your concerns?
I think that there is also a schizophrenia forum here that you could access if you wanted more information. Many people with mental illness are open to discussing things with others.
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