5687220 tn?1372375315


I need help I am 22 years of age and have a three year old son four months ago I ended a six year relationship with my sons father. I ended it because it was an abusive relationship and wasn't fair on our son as I grew up in an environment just like it I didn't want the same for my son. I loved his dad so much and still do. two weeks after we split he got back with his ex from ten years ago which destroyed me. I then found out I was carrying his baby I new I couldn't keep it although I wanted to I had preasure off everyone and now I really regret having a termination. I regret ending the relationship if I new I was going to lose my job, lose a baby and lose my house I wouldn't of ended it. ive just found out there getting married in October its broke me im struggling not to reach for alcohol everytime  I get bad news. everyone says time Is a great healer but its been four months am im still pining for him every night. I have tried moving on with different men and non have worked out because im still inlove with my ex. please I need someone to talk to I cant carry on feeling so low and so desperate there is so much more what has gone on
3 Responses
Avatar universal
Wow, I am sorry you are going through this.  It sounds like a very difficult time and you must feel real confused and stressed.  Time is a great healer but time alone can heal or cure anything.  It will take a lot of work on your end, but it's completely doable.

First, you need to take a look at the reason you left that relationship.  It was abusive and you made the wisest decision you could to protect your child and yourself.  It took a lot of thought to make that call and it could not have been easy, but I feel that it was the right call.

As for the termination... I can't imagine making that call but I think that you felt that you were doing the most responsible thing.  I commend you for making that decision.  It had to be harder the decision to get out of that relationship.... (I don't want this to sound insensitive....) you have one less tie and one less reason to still be in that abusive relationship.  You would have done nobody any favors bringing another person into an abusive relationship.  Nobody.

Losing your job... that stinks.  But its a good starting point for moving on.  Same with your house.  Those things are replaceable.  Abuse is so damaging....

You need to spend some time healing yourself.  Are you seeing a therapist?  You should and your community probably has a program available.  You've been through a lot and you deserve to get well so you can give your child the best you there is.

Good luck.
Avatar universal

Hi there,
This must be a very hard time for you. However, you need to take care of
yourself and your young child. As far as deciding to not continue your latest pregnancy, I think it was the right thing to do. You also did the right
thing leaving your 6 year relationship with your abusive partner. You don't
deserve to be treated that way. You deserve to live a life where you're
not walking on egg shells never knowing when the next episode of abuse
might occur and what might trigger it. You're upset because your ex boyfriend is getting married. Don't forget though he is abusive. That hasn't
changed. You're young. You're only 22 years old. You have your whole
life ahead of you. You have a lovely little child to share that life with.
At those times you feel like reaching for a drink, think about your little
child and how important it is to remain sober so you can take care of
your child. You will recover. Things will get better. But the best thing to
do is move on. When you find yourself missing your ex boyfriend and
feeling sad because you still love him, ask yourself this; when you were
with your ex boyfriend did he treat you in a loving way, was he respectful
towards you ? Was he kind to you and your child? You need  to heal
before you can be with another man. You need to learn to love yourself
before you can love someone else. When a relationship breaks up it
often feels like a death and you often feel the same way you would
feel after the death of a loved one. It doesn't matter how long you've been
together. You need time to heal and recover and get healthy. Is there
any way you can go and get some counselling? I went through a separation
and a divorce many years ago now. After my divorce, I went through a painful time in my life but I reached out to my friends who gave me a lot
of support. I also started going to counselling for awhile which was really
helpful to help me heal. You will heal too, but it takes time. So instead of
wishing your ex boyfriend was back in your life, consider yourself lucky
because you escaped what would have been a life of living with an abusive
partner. If you want someone to talk to, leave me a message and we can
talk. You will be okay. Have faith in yourself and stay strong. Eve
5730636 tn?1384224896
Hey Cher,

If u need someone to talk to just message me.

Best Regards,

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