why am i crying?

[mandy876]

i just wrote you a note on feeling so good i have been crying.  i dont unfderstand am i lying to myaelf.  or what.  I dont understand much in my life.  but the ups and downs.  now i feel so sad and i dont know why.  any ideas?

[mandy876]

this is my third try.  went to 4 placesredo my niees drver license, security and JPS hops.dicount.  all had realy long lines.  it was exhausting we had to 2 times for the hospital.  all the people behind my  niece they told them to o back tomorrow.  we barely made that one. we got it all done yesterday we went to the grocry store that was really taxing .  but we got food.  on the way back from the day before when we got on I35  i asked tammy did you see those two white cars thy nearly hit.  then i asked is there 2 fedx trucks she loked at me like i was stupid,  i saidd i guess not ne ofthem just went head on into on coming traffic.  this is the firstt tie it has happened.  w have been going someplace nearly every day.  ger had a wheel chair i used it. i ned a mio i got up too fast and i could not see clear,   if i ha another soe going to have an cat scan or an mri,  this is scaring me my headaches are worse,  mandy876       any ideas  hmy youge niece boyfriend said he did not feel li paying me back beecause they were havng problems,  e spenit all.   i don want to see himle forever.  shehas a real loser.  mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

I agree that it's a good idea to get it checked out.  I wonder if it could have been anxiety related, especially because you state it doesn't happen at home?  I know you've had some trouble in the past with anxiety and panic when you've been out and about, especially in stressful situations.  Were you feeling anxious or agitated at all?

[4Maddie44]

Go to doctors or optician.  When I got double vision doctor and optician checked, but it did not come back again.  Just a one off.  If you get it again then have it checked out.  Nothing to worry yourself about.  

[mandy876]

  yesterday we had a lot of errands and all was waiting in lines.  social security,  my niece lost her card.  that was a long line.  then to the hospital to fill out more forms and wait in line.  i found a chair there. JPS   discount is not an insurance the president is going to fine everyone who does not have insurance.  waited in line a long time the woman went to my niece told her to come back at 200  4every one bhind they eoldd them to go some and comeback the nextt day and try again.so we left and got her s/s/ card and then got to eat. on the eay home i did not feel right i kept seeing 2 of everything. the cars on tthee freewway were showing two of everything.  it gave me such a bad head ache.  what would cause this?  tthat night i felt chest pains i think i pulled a muscle it finally slowed done so i could get some water to take a  pain  pill.  what could cause double vision.  it does not do it here at home. mandy876

[mandy876]

  i have always put everyon elsefirst i havee been that way since i was a little girl.  i guess i thought everyone else mattered morr than me.  my doctor calleed me a worry wart.  thank you.  i am  trying to improve y thoughts and  think about myself.  your friend  mandy876    xoxo

[nursegirl6572]

You sound a little better today Mandy, I'm glad to see it.  Just remember that it does no good to worry ourselves over things that are out of our control, and another person's troubles certainly would fit in that category.  You have a big heart and often care a lot more about others than you do yourself.  I have hope that ONE day, you'll put yourself a little higher on that priority list.

XOXO

[mandy876]

my niece tried to kill herself several tmes nearly did itt a couple times.  her effexor keeps her from having those thoughts.  her mom was usually drunk.  threy cant find bi polar meds for her that does not have side effectss worse than the meds.  ever time we go in once a month she gives her some new meds.  last ones made her hair fall ou and broke put in splotches.  i know i can make it.  i know we will always have ups and downs but i know when ot comes down to it we will be there for each other. her daughter we dontt know what she is doing was at the hospital last night.  she just had surgery for her endometrriosis.  the doctor that did her surgery said that only one spot and it was not that bad.  and she had some blood clots.  we could not get in touch with her until a little while.  her baby is in the hospital. he was running a fever and she is calling when she getts home.  they are talking that is good.  tammy and i talked to him and lett him know it was not all his fault .  but he said some of it was. so with the baby  this should bring them bacck closer.  i hope.  she is good to me and makes me eat.  she cares more for me..  her mom the bi polar is all that want let her get better.  i can work this out.  i have to be more patient and learn to keep my mouth shut.   i will be fine.  i am nott leaving here.  mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

I'm not sure how you interpreted my last post to mean that you can't be helped and are a hopeless case.  Never did I say anything remotely like that.  I talked about negative self talk and some places you can start to change that, even if a little bit.

You cannot let other people's lives and drama affect you so much dear lady.  Of course you will be there to emotionally support your niece, but YOU cannot do anything to change her situation, and YOU getting yourself into a terrible emotional state over her predicament isn't helping anyone.  Just like we always tell you you have to help yourself to a degree, the same applies to everyone else, including your niece.  All you can do is tell her you're there for her if she needs to talk.  Taking her and her kids in isn't a wise idea, just my opinion.

Hopefully things will get better for her and for you.  It sounds like you both have some things in common, in that you've both "settled" for not so great treatment in your homes for far too long.  I know things have been better in that regard for you, but hopefully you can see the parallel.  She's allowing herself to be treated poorly, and sadly, she should have put her foot down a long time ago.  It sounds like she also has a drug problem from what you've said before?  If I remembered that correctly, then they ALL need help to work on themselves, they need professional help, and I sure hope they get it so that the kids have a chance at a normal and stable life.  Even if she is not also an addict, she's been enabling one and is most definitely co-dependent, which can be just as destructive as an addiction.

You're in my prayers mandy, as always.

[mandy876]

  never willisay goodby even when i get well i will behere.   mandy876

[4Maddie44]

Good I am glad you are staying here.  You are not hopeless.  Don't keep saying that.  Nobody in this world is hopeless.  Believe in yourself.  Please don't say goodbye.

[mandy876]

i dont think anyone can help me.  it has to come from me. i am not saying goodby.  i am going to stick around and check on others.  i am hopeless.  but i found some really good friends.  mandy876

[4Maddie44]

I just sent a message to you in response to the posting above.  I thought you were feeling stronger.  Circumstances always happen that pull you down, and I am so sorry.  

We can never understand the motives of others.  We must focus on ourselves, and be strong for those that need us.  You are obviously needed a lot, and that takes broad shoulders.  Poor you, because I know you are not strong physically and mentally.  

I am sorry if you feel you do not get support from your friends on this site.  We have tried really hard to give good advice.  We have done our very best.  You are not a bother, that is what people here are for.  I myself feel I am not strong enough to support you, as I told you in a private message, because I have worried so much about you for so long.  I am focusing on "me" now as stopping my anti-depressant has made me quite emotional.  We may not help, but we listen, don't we?  We have supported you through so much.  We just want you to be really strong now.

Do you really want to say goodbye?  Don't you need to give vent to your feelings, instead of bottling things up?  I am sorry I was not much help.  I really tried, believe me.  I feel sad I was not more help to a dear lady who so badly needs friends to "talk" to.  

Think twice before leaving, because there are always new people on this site who may be able to give you new ways of dealing with your life.  I may not have helped, but I believe for a while I was a friend.  I never wanted to give up on you.  It is just I feel I have said all I can.  I think you should stay on this site because I truly believe you need it.

Please take care, and God bless you.  I hope things improve.

[mandy876]

i give up.  my young niece is leaving her boyfriend she cant take his brother living with them and he said he if anyone leftt it would be her but she cant take the baby.  she is packing as far as we can find out.  she is so unhappy.  we told her do not leave either child.  sh said he had hid the car seat and she cant bring him.  He called earlier a while ago and asked us what is going on.  i told him the problem is his brother,  he does not work and lays around the house all day.  he uses drugs. but he said he is my brother he stays.  and his brother laughs.  i askd him do you love jessie he said yes.  why would a man choose a half brother over his wife and kids. any way i am a hopeless case.  no one can help me.  this hasbeen the worst week of my life.  i am so tired.  i  can handle all of this.   i cant talk to my niece she says she does not want to talk about it until it happens.  that will be a little late.  she sounded suicidal.  she told her to always remember she loved us.  then to her friends on the internet she said the same thing.  iam so worried.  i want bother you guys anymore you are right i can not be helped.  god bless all of you.  i will always remember you. thank yu nursegirl.  you helped me alot.  mandy876

[mandy876]

thank you i have been a nefgative thinker my whole life.  when i found out i had cancer my mom me and my husand was sitting im the truck talking and i asked my husband if i dont make it will you take care of my mom make sure she has groceries and goes to her doctor.  he said of course.  my mom was crying i asked her what was wrong she said you have cancer and you are worried about me instead of yourself.  i always put everyone before me. my husband tried to be strong.  mom said when the doctor came out and said they had to do a total mascetomy.  mom said my husband disappeared.  she found him up on another floor he did not want anyone to see him cry.  my mom and my husband were so much alike.  very strong and said what they thought.  i very seldom said anything i just went along.  you were right about everything.  today was the worst day.  i cant talk about it and i cant or dont want to see my niece again.  i cant talk about it yet,  you all were so right.  i apologize.mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

Well put, I couldn't agree more!

Mandy....Think of your brain like a computer.  A computer has to have its data inputted and programmed, right?  Your brain is very much the same.  WE are the data entry programmers who feed our brains the info it needs.  If we consistently feed it negative thoughts, the outcome will be negative feelings, depression, anxiety, etc.  If we choose to try to feed it POSITIVE thoughts, then the outcome is an improvement in our moods, our self esteem, sense of self worth, and our outlook on life.

It's not easy to change that negative self talk, but it can be done.  If you don't want to go to a therapist to help you with that, then I recommend picking up a book or two that would help you change that thinking.  Here is some info on that, and some resources.  I hope you look into it:

http://www.takeasmartstep.com/stop-being-your-worst-enemy-change-negative-self-talk-to-positive-self-talk/

http://www.amazon.com/Blah-Changing-Your-Negative-Self-Talk/dp/1425102654

http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Negative-Self-Talk-Practical-Effective/dp/039370789X

The last two links are for self help books.  I really really recommend picking one of them up for yourself.  I think it would be a great step in the right direction for you!

Take care!

[mandy876]

  thankyou nursegirl. nice for you to care.  i gues was iga bad day.  i seem to have a few of those.  i did it to my self.  but that is life.  you very seldom get what you want or need.  just get used to it and the time will pass whe god will send for me.    mandy876

[nursegirl6572]

I'm sorry you're not feeling well today.  I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  Take care!

[mandy876]

sorry i wrote 2 times but i was so upset. and i dont know why. i am feeling sick now.  and have a headac he.  happiness does not last long.  mandy876