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Avatar universal

31 Male severe depression and fear of med issues

Hello everyone. I'm 31, turning 32 in April, and had a fainting/seizure episode back in September of 2015. Before the episode I was a generally healthy, happy guy. I've been shaken up ever since. Fears of having a heart issue, mainly.

I became VERY depressed following the episode. I work from home as a graphic artist. Shortly after this happened, I stopped taking on new clients. I'm making myself much worse as my depression keeps me in bed most days. I live in a very isolated place, 45 minutes from the nearest city. Since about October, I've been in bed nearly every day all day except to get up to eat or use the bathroom. I barely eat. Eating seems to upset my stomach. I've lost almost 50lbs because of it. I cry almost every day. I've never been a weepy person. I've never had any worry about my health either until this happened. I'm becoming terribly deconditioned. I went to the grocery store with my wife yesterday and was only there for about an hour. By the end of the visit my heart was racing, I was sweating a little, and just felt tired. I had terrible heart palpitations as well. I've had them for about a year now on and off but they've been much more persistent recently.

I have visited my GP several times, and was referred to a cardiologist and a neurologist too. All of my tests have been normal other than mild left ventricular hypertrophy on my echocardiogram (presumably from unchecked high blood pressure which seems under control currently). I had a tilt table test that showed I have orthostatic hypotension, but I only became symptomatic after the staff administered nitroglycerine to try and recreate my fainting spell.

I'm also being seen by a psychiatrist and therapist for my depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and generalized anxiety disorder. SSRIs have been effective but my body doesn't tolerate the side effects. The only thing that I can tolerate has been Remeron. It helps, but minimally.

This has been the most trying time of my life and it's taking a huge toll on my body and mind. Has anyone else been so bad off they haven't been able to get out of bed for an extended period of time? What effects did it have on your body? I'm severely deconditioned and can't be on my feet long before having to rest, which is freaking me out that much more. I wasn't in great shape before this all happened. I was around 250, but never had a lack of energy or stamina like I do now. Has anyone here gone through a similar time and come out on the other side? I know that this is just a bump in the road and I'll hopefully pull through soon. I'm just looking for some support I guess. All anyone is doing on this forum I guess. Thanks so much in advance for the replies.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
Your situation is different from mine but you're not alone. The isolation, the health anxiety, the lethargy, many of us have felt it too. There just comes a point where you figure out the pattern because I honestly believe that there is a way out, although even I haven't found it yet. I isolated myself for a long time thinking it was what I needed. Before isolation I was depressed, but at least I had friends, socialized, had unpredictable days... Every human is the same in what it needs for optimal survival and socializing and being around other people is just a part of that nature. After isolation I came out of it literally shaking when I had to talk to people. Even if it was just a text, my teeth would start chattering, my body would go into shivers, and my heart rate would greatly increase. My thoughts were scattered and I ended up making my problems worse because since then I've developed severe social anxiety. And although casual conversations still make my heart race, I find myself getting better. I find myself looking for opportunities to try again. The only real suggestion I could give you is to train and condition yourself. People fall into habits, right? We run on routines. The morning routine (waking up, eating breakfast, showering, brushing our teeth), the night routine, the lunch routine, etc. What you need to do now is slowly break out of the routine and just add something new to your schedule until you make it a part of your routine. Whether its going for a walk even inside your house (walking up and down the stairs), or reading a chapter or two of something uplifting. Maybe you've been very depressed since the fainting/seizure episode because ever since then the fear you had from that experience altered what you believed you can/or cannot do. Honestly you brainwashed yourself into the fear, and now you need to at least to try to brainwash yourself to believing you are capable, you are strong, you are brave, you are healthy, you are active. The placebo effect will kick in and you'll become all of those. Good luck in your journey.
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