A severe mental condition or just a phase?

[ellominero18]

If my problem had a definition, it would probably me Depersonalization/disassociation/ depression/empathetic disorder induced by solipsism syndrome due philosophy, and obsessive compulsive nervous tics where the individual feels like he’s trapped inside a maze of thoughts and cannot get out, because the answer he’s looking for simply is not there……
To start off, I am a normal person, even though what you’re about to read will get you to think otherwise. If you were to meet me you’d never think I had a problem unless I willingly expressed it ;) Ever since the age of 6. I always had some form of anxiety problem. I was an energetic kid. I found myself jumping up and down and counting ten in a repetitive manner, of form of a tic disorder. As the years passed I developed many form of tics, such as eye blinking, clenching my fist, tightening my abdominal muscles, breathing exercises, weird facial grimaces, clenching muscles in the throat. Concentration from me, but weirdly enough I appeared very normal in public. I could hide it very well, very few people noticed when I did them. certain foods seemed to aggravated them and certain acts like the mere act of eating really made me tic. As to this day I don’t know whether I have tourettes or not as I was never diagnosed with it. I had concentration problems however, but I never failed at school. I was a bright kid, but I found it unfair that I had to exert more of my brain power just to keep up with the rest of my class. I was never in any remedial classes. My problem was silent. I also asked a lot of questions. If it wasn’t questioning the stars, or how things work, it was questioning the behaviors of others. Trying to get into their minds, and trying to empathize with them. I valued justice as well as mercy, logical reasoning and I really hate corrupt authority. I eventually stumbled across several philosophical topics that question existence and whether anything is true. for example, (Solipcism) Knowing me I think stuff over and over again until it drives me insane. Philosophy did a good job at making me insane then sane. Or was I too sane for comfort??? I questioned whether I was real and whether or not you were all a figment of my imagination. Somehow my ocd, and tic disorder, combined with my confusion driven by philosophy, and created this problem in my mind where I felt disassociated in the world, I faced personality problems where I felt as if I had forgotten who I was. I was trying on different masks, imitating others, alternating my personality, just trying to cope with society…. It was and still is driving me insane. I think I developed multiple personalities, or somehow developed a very balanced personality, not too cold or warm and not too firm or soft. Not to nice or moon. I feel as if in me abides, a bird, a swan, a wolf and a lion. I always felt as if I was on a mission to understand myself. I took several online quizzes and joined several forums. The only few things I learned was that I was an E/INF/TP and a 461 or 4w5 6w7 and 1w9 in the enneagram. And I was a melancholic phlegmatic with a hint of sanguine  as well as blood type A rhesus negative.I find myself constantly placing myself in other peoples shoes trying to understand what they are feeling only to be hit with a wall that tells me (it is only a reflection your own thoughts). I would shoe shift constantly in an OCD manner convincing myself I could understand how others feels only to understand that I was only projecting how I would feel and react in the situation. I felt so limited in this body. Was anything real? Other mental disorders I faced were feeling as if I was the center of the world. I was the main character and this was my movie. I couldn’t get myself to understand that I was a nobody in the eyes of another person just as they were nobodies in mine. Just reading this you may imagine how insane I must appear in person, weird thing is, I appear more normal than normal itself with normal emotional responses, and behavior. I fear hurting others. I’m quite a loner sometimes as I require time alone to retreat from social interactions. Sometimes I feel as if I’m not from earth… an alien of some sort, an observer of the universe. What was I going through? I knew I had to find an answer, because I didn’t my brain would eat itself alive as it wouldn’t be able to take the stress. Constant headaches and a range of questions that cannot escape my mind. My brain feels like a maze right now. Maybe some psychiatric help would help. I took an EEG exam and everything came out normal. I cannot understand what is causing this problem in my body. My body on the exterior appears normal, but on the inside it looks like a thunder storm with earthquakes, tsunamis, and whirlwinds.  I’m having trouble coping with society, and life itself. I’m going through depression, I’m simply LOSING MYSELF  Can anyone help me understand and cope with my problem? Is anyone going through a similar situation? Sorry if the thoughts are all scattered and the story doesn’t flow.. I wrote it under stress.

[sara12345]

With the complicated symptoms that you have, I would think that you would be most helped by a psychiatrist.  Hope that you will see one.

[MYoungAtHeart]

You don't say if you are seeing a therapist, or in a group therapy.
I do hope you have seen a medical doctor who may point you in the direction that might give you more peace of mind.

M