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5969990 tn?1377577019

ANY help is appreciated

I am 15 years old, just began my sophomore year of high school.
As long as I can remember, I have had problems sleeping. When I was younger I would repeatedly walk around my house and lock all of the windows and doors, I would lock my bedroom door and my bathroom door and shove blankets under my curtains to prevent strangers from peering into my bedroom. I would have my parents sit outside of my room until I fell asleep. This was all when I was 5-10 years old. I would also hallucinate and see floating orbs of energy and ghostly figures around my house. Those have stopped, but I still stay up at night shaking and crying from the noises I hear around the house, I still methodically lock the windows and doors. I cant sleep in the dark. When I was in middle school I was bullied severely and my parents didn't believe me, I was alone. I became extremely depressed, I cut and attempted suicide a countless number of times. Whenever I told my parents about my feelings they would yell at me, call me a freak. So, I stopped telling them things. In 8th grade I stopped cutting because I had gotten arrested and when I showed my mom the 60+ cuts on my hips, she told me I was a disgrace. I have self-diagnosed myself with depression and I have been living with it for 4 years. The paranoia has not stopped, when I am awake, I am terrified. I shake and sweat and cry. When I am asleep, I have horrible nightmares. At this very moment I hear creaking noises and I am panicking. This is every night. I have begun drinking to help myself fall asleep at night. I cant tell my parents this, if I do they will realize that I am not their perfect child. They will ridicule me and degrade me. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I want to know. I need to know what the cause of this 15 year phobia is. Anything will help. Please. Thank you.
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Avatar universal
I'm so sorry your going thru such a bad time. I feel bad your parents aren't recognizing the pain you are in and your suffering. Maybe just maybe, they will come around.

May I suggest a few things. For sleeping try drinking some Chamomile tea before tea to help relax you. Try some peaceful, soothing music. Some people find comfort in writing their feelings, thoughts, emotions etc in a journal.

Exercise of any kind will help too. Dopamine releases "feel good" endorphins.

Since school has started I would strongly recommend you talk to your counselor. They will listen and try to help you. You can also go to your mental health clinic (if you have one in your area). The cost is so minimal to nothing. They have counselors there for you to talk to. Some of the clinics have doctors as well. And if you ever needed any med they would direct you to the free clinic if they didn't have it there. Can you talk to a close family member about what is happening? Please stay in touch and let us know how we can help you. My thoughts are with you, Crystal
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The computer posted before I was done.

There are many very bad things you can do to your mind and your body. Alcohol is one of them and can be so addicting and ruin your life. You do not want to go down that path. Please trust me on this. You might not think,  a little here, a little there but before you know it you could come dependent. Always remember, no one chooses to become an alcoholic. Please try some of my suggestions and maybe search the Internet for more on how to relax and help your insomnia too. Also, alcohol may make you drowsy but it does not allow your body to get good sleep (which your growing body needs). In some people it makes them more anxious and can make them feel more depressed.

Helpful - 0
5986700 tn?1380791380
Omgosh, you poor dear.
I agree totally with Crystal about the alcohol especially. I have been depressed all my life Kala and had to be on antidepressants at your exact age. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't an informed 15 yr. old (nice way of saying not too bright) and I didn't give them a chance, threw them away. That was 40 yrs. ago.  I do take medication now. I have to if I want to stay half way normal at least. lol But I am also a non practising  alcoholic. Started at 14.  Anyway the worst thing a depressive can do is drink. Alcohol is a depressive and will definitely make it worse. I had to learn the hard way. Also your little brain has quite a few more years to fully develope, I think like seven.  So you don't want to screw yourself up cerebrally believe me. I think that's what I did.  Anyway Kala sweetheart, you need support.  You have to go to someone other than your parents if you feel they absolutely won't support you.  School nurse, a friend's parent, hell just walk into a clinic on your own and beg them to listen to you. Gee I hope you live in Canada I didn't even look. I lived with panic disorder for 17 yrs. it was hell, I didn't understand that panic was a symptom of depression so it just got worse until I couldn't handle it was dibilitating. I just don't want that to be your life and it doesn't have to. I want to tell you the best thing for sleep for me is excersize.  Not right before bed either. Deep concentrated breathing in through your nose and forcingly out your mouth. Make sure you fill your lungs full and empty them full.  You can do this at anytime you are anxious but expecially in bed. God Bless young lady and do let us know how you are. Spider. :o}
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You need medical help.  Can you find a trusted relative to help you get help?

With the right help you can live a happy and fulfilled life, you do not need to suffer like this.  
Helpful - 0
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