Am I depressed again

[shannonf_bc]

I have been off medication for about 6 months now....

I don`t have strange thoughts of killing myself or feel useless or anything.

But I have been lazzzzzzy for the past 2.5 weeks.

I work from home... so i don`t need to get up and out anywhere.  But I have packing to do and well my house has gone to the *****.  This happened when my daughter and hubby went to Ontario (exactly 2.5 weeks ago) to get the new place etc set up..... I am finalizing things on this end.  I need to finish packing and go..... I keep leaving things to the last minute.  I really miss them terribly.... I sat down on the coach and bawled like they had died when they left.  

I do not leave the house at all except to open door check mail and return inside... I haven`t been able to motivate myself to get off the sofa I even sleep there.... wake up log on to pc (laptop) on the coach do a little work.... then just sit there.

I don;t feel like I am worthless and I do not think about suicide I just feel like I am never going to get there and be with them, I am delayed my another week or two cause my birth certificate hasn`t come yet and I need to get it to renew my license.

I am not sad I just feel like I am never going to get there... nothing`s going to work out right.... I will break down on the side of the road and be stranded or something..... I want to leave but I haven`t done anything towards that goal

What do you guys think does it sound like i could be depressed again or am i just being a lazy idiot and feeling the normal stresses of life

[Liz9]

Hi Shannon. ..  Good to hear from you. Have you given any more thought to getting back on meds? I wish I didn't have to be on this stuff, but I know that if I don't, it's really really awful and doesn't have to be. Why did you stop taking them?

[shannonf_bc]

Thanks Liz,

I have actually been getting stuff done bit by bit for the most part.... still feeling awful but just forcing my way through stuff.  I have made a check list of stuff to do and set a goal of checking off at least three tasks a day.  It seems to help.  I also put a time limit on them (which means even if I put it off I at least start when I should be finished by.

Right now I am just trying to stay positive or a least not let every set back destroy me.

[Liz9]

Shannon, I just reread your comments and I have been feeling exactly like you describe. My boyfriend works out of town on alternating weeks. It has been driving me crazy lately when he's gone. I feel very anxious and during the time that he's gone, I would usually get a lot of things done around the house, but these past few months, I can't get out of my own way. I love gardening and have a beautiful garden, but by the middle of the summer I just let it go and had no interest, when things are right, gardening is like oxygen for me. I'm telling you right now, get to your doctor and check into that. In the meantime, just do little things; tell yourself you're going to pack one box,not the whole house, just one box at a time. Hey, maybe by the time you're reading this, you're already in your newhouse, and if you getthe right med you can be off to a really great new beginning.

[Liz9]

I just spoke to my doctor today. I have been on Wellbutrin for about five years and it has been great; however, in the last couple of months, it hasn't seemed to have been working. He told me today that because I have been taking the generic of wellbutrin that may be the problem. . . he said that generics have the active ingredient but not always the same delivery system. Therefore, I may not have been getting consistant delivery of the active ingredient. Depending on the generic company who manufactures the med, I may need higher or lower doses. Or I can go on the brand name wellbutrin. It's goign to be more costly, but I am going to try because I know that I can feel better. I tried going of meds before, and I definitely know that, for me, that doesn't work. Wellbutrin has worked the best with little or no side effects. Hope this helps. If you ask me (just as a non-trained casual observer) you're not inherently lazy, you're depressed and need meds. I don't say that as a professional, but as someone who has felt like you do. On the right meds, you will feel better and have more energy. And don't stop trying till you find the right one for you. . . and the right one is the one that makes you feel like you know you should. YOu deserve to feel great and healthy and energetic and you can feel like that.  . . Take care, dawling