Anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide

[sam_r]

Hello Doctors,
    I had an unfortunate sexual exposure- cunnulingus with a female csw 5 days back (no any other type of exposure; my clothes stayed on)
Even after assurance from several doctors that the chances of HIV risk is (very low, close to zero) I have developed a hypochondriac mentality about HIV.

Initially I thought HIV is not a possibility but other STDs are. But as Im gettin proof that I have no other STDs, I have begun to worry about HIV and have serious thoughts of suicide (I know Im stupid and Im just looking for a reason to worry but I dont know how to help it)

I have a history of anxiety and depression, especially in winters, which can even be triggered by pain killers (Hydrocodone) and even Mucinex (possibly because of ephedrin?)

I have to wait about 8 weeks for a hiv-antobody test which I forced my doc into prescribing one, while my docs and many docs on medhelp insisted that I dont even need it.
Im possibly going to request my doctor for a RNA test which can be done just 10 days after exposure.

The worst thing about this episode is I cant even talk about this with anyone in my family or friends.

Do you have any suggestions and can you please, please help?
I have been prescribed some medication whose name starts with a Z which I dont remember to take as needed (max 3 per day) but Im taking only 1/2 of the tablet twice a day.

I dont know how to help myself. Can someone please help?

[RainLover71]

Hiv is not transmitted via oral sex of any kind and under any circumstance.You can't infect your wife with a virus that you don,t have yourself,we all make mistakes,it's called being human,it's how you make up for it is what counts.All the best.

[nexus788]

I would suggest that you go back to your doctor and ask to be put on an ssri antidepressant like prozac or zoloft. Start of on a low dose though then ask your  doctor when you can start increasing it. SSRIs can cause erectile dysfunction in some people but usually the benefits outweigh the risks.

So you made a mistake and you feel guilty - that's entirely normal. That one mistake doesn't define you and you can still carry on with your life and be a good father and husband.

[sam_r]

Thank you nexus788. I have been prescribed Xanax. 0.25mg as needed (max 3 times a day)

I'm scared of taking too much Xanax as well so I have been taking just a 1/2 tablet 2 times a day (total 1 tablet per day)

What is complicating the situation is a.guilt/shame of cheating my wife and kid and b.the fear that I will cheat again in the future.

Me and many people in my family are worry-pods. I have a history of anxiety, nervousness and mild depression since I was a kid.

Once again thanks for the support and good luck to you too.

If you have more suggestions or words of support, that would be great as well.
Thanks

[nexus788]

The chance of you getting HIV from this encounter is incredibly low. Like probably less than one in a million.. Anyway the test should reassure you. I would say don't worry but i know it is difficult to do. Do you have ocd? If you have a look on the ocd forum you will see that lots of other people have a fear of getting hiv and it's a common ruminating thought.

Even if you did have hiv, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Don't get me wrong it's still a very serious disease but they have better treatments for it these days. That's beside the point though because it is very very unlikely that you have it. The problem is with you thinking about if you did have it.

Are you on an antidepressant? Sometimes an antidepressant can increase anxiety when you first go on it but in the long run (after a few weeks I think) will decrease your anxiety. This happened with me. I should have worked my way up to the high dose rather than go straight to the old high dose I used to take. I may need to change the medication I'm on but that is a different story.

You'll need to talk about to your doctor about when it's safe to start increasing the dose or if should increase it or not.