I found this article very helpful-- it eased my mind a lot about creativity and meds:
http://bipolar.about.com/cs/myths/a/aa030911.htm
Good luck, from one artist to another. Hope things ended up going well for you, medication or not. xo
Week two of tapering down. Quit wellbutrin cold turkey about a week and a half ago. Am I being naive in thinking I didn't really notice a huge difference?
Dropped 25 mg off my daily dose of 150mg of Lamictal.
Feeling achey and really, really spaced out and dizzy.
But mood is not horrible. I am sinking into a bit of a depression and wanting to isolate.
Starting to think maybe I should just stick with the meds and find a way.
But the memory loss and lack of creativity - inability to feel that nostalgic, rich, colorful sense of emotion and sadness is so flat.. and boring ... sure, life is easier and more enjoyable... but
it just feels like it's floating by when I am on meds.
I am productive in life and work.... but not with creating.
I am pretty confused right now. I need some sound advice from a working artist, a writer or poet who has been on this stuff for years.. someone older than me.. but I don't know anybody.
Are there great writers, poets and musicians living and creating on these medications?
Yes it is tough, one day at a time hey, maybe the next day will be easier.
Depression started for us all at sometime, for you it may have been 26. I lived 42 years of my life without medication, though i think i had some severe small bouts in childhood, with hindsight.
Then i found myself became an adult, but it started at age 42. What can we do ?
i just dont feel like myself.
and when youre an artist
its tough
right?
I'm not sure if the lamictal is making me a bit dazed or if its the depression.
all i know is im getting so sick of all the confusion over it and stuff that this is when i want to come off of everything. i havent been diagnosed bipolar or anything.
i lived 26 years without meds just fine. i hit an awful depression a couple years ago i couldnt find my way out so they gave me meds. now i feel hooked. and im going thru another bout of depression now
I tried tapering off a little but have been hugely depressed and as those of us who have depression know. It's not just feeling sad or a bad mood. When it seeps into your psyche, sours the way you see the world and others. As well as yourself. Self loathing. Depression is scary only because when it's starting to feel chemical. As in, my brain chemicals are taking a nose dive and sucking me into a black hole a long with it. When you're depressed everything just seems darker, harder, more hopeless & I never feel good enough. My self esteem becomes nonexistent ...is that just the depression? because when im on meds most of the time things seem a lot better. am i just not dealing with or looking at underlying issues?
i journal a lot, i try to be concious .. im in therapy... what more can i do?
if it really is just brain chemistry... than i don't know.
the lamictal / wellbutrin combo i take isn't numbing...
just a bit spacey.
i guess its no worse than some of the drugs most of the great artists i admire take or took to be able to cope.
I paint, I make, I like to be creative with everything i do, I know what you are talking about. I had to take Xyprexa for a few months at my worst and while i wasn't actually drooling I wasn't far off it LOL (I know that isnt funny but hey )
Listen you cant do that, stop cold turkey, You need to speak to your Doc.
It might be a question of dosage, a slow reduction should tell you. You could see how low you can go now that you feel more stable. and yes you might be able to give up completely, but time will tell.
As an Artist the whole creative thing is a bit ,,well I know it is important,, but is it over rated, just a little?
Isnt work the Answer - I liked the previous suggestion of a Deadline, but could i suggest routine, and work practices, journal keeping etc.
Have you read ;the Artist way' I thought that was helpful. There are other ways to find motivation perhaps ?
i am an artist, to some degree. i write my own lyrics, music, and poetry. thats not to say i really do any of them well.....some people say i do, but i don't share any of it with people very often.
all i can say is that some of my darkest most artistic work has been while medicated. infact, not only medicated on anti-depressants, but also barbiturates. the problem is that the inspiration for my art is generally caused by severe emotional pain and self loathing or slight mania......so in that sense, perhaps the meds are not doing what they are intended to do in the first place. i do know i'm much better than i was before, so they must be doing something.
if edgar allen poe woke up one day suddenly happy and content with the world and spend the rest of his life a jovial outgoing person, what then would his art have looked like after this change? would he even have been capable of art? if given the choice, would he have actually chosen to become magically happy? well we all know he wasn't. he was 'tortured'.....just like many other artists. marilyn manson, fiona apple, janis joplin......these are just musicians. it doesn't matter if you like them or not...the point is they are artists and the fuel for their fire is pain. the question is, if they could get rid of that pain completely, would they? if so, could they still be an artist?
if i ever become 'normal'........which is what most of us spend so much time trying to be........then my artistry is gone, period. i think i'd prefer to be normal though. no one pays any attention to my art anyway....it wouldn't be a loss. i wouldn't be a loss. nothing about me would be a loss to the world. if i could be happy and normal, it wouldn't matter what the world thinks of me.....the only thing that would matter is that i would be living in it and i would be happy. thats what i would pick......i'd pick meds that work over not taking meds just to save me being an artist. the world doesn't care if i'm an artist...the only thing tha tmatters is how i view the world. unfortunately they haven't invented a pill that can change that for me yet.
Hello there,
I am a musician, composer and producer. Since I am on medication I am less productive but when I need to be creative I am... Deadlines are something that will put me to work and usually the work gets done.
I think the problem with me is not the creativeness issue but the lack of motivation.
Anyway if you want to hear my work here's my website http://jmiousse.webs.com/playlist.htm - It's mainly orchestral movie music you'll hear there.
All the work here was done without medication. If you want to hear work I did on medication and compare just contact me.
M4
Medication helps stabilize people. I know when I was manic I could not even begin to think of any creative work as I couldn't focus to begin with. Cognitive blunting and weight gain are side effects of some medications but you could speak to your psychiatrist about which medications would have less of that potential. This is a complete list of mood stabilizers:
http://www.psycheducation.org/depression/meds/moodstabilizers.htm
Many artists have actually been able to stabilize and recover with treatment and continue to create creative works but before that it was a "crash and burn" situation for them. I did a list of musicians with disabilities as one of my journal entries. There should be a similar list for artists as well online. I do collage work and medication has only improved my ability to focus concentrate and create. As well I've known artists who were successful who had talent and potential and were only able to sustain it with treatment. Whatever the medication was treating will start to return as it is discontinued and then it will emerge again full blown as happened to me years ago before my current recovery. Best to find out more about available options. An informed consumer gets the best response.