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471949 tn?1236904026

Can't Handle Everything

JKJ
It's these thoughts-the suicidal thoughts-that stare back at me in my mind when all this **** piles on me at once.  I can't stand my new tdoc; she doesn't get it.  But I have no choice with her because I'm a veteran stuck in the VA system where you don't have a choice in who you see.  She just nods her head and has this ****-eating grin on her face that I want to smack right off of her.

I just found out this week that I have a pretty serious neck injury from a recent car accident...I'll be in treatment for that for several months and it's very painful.  This will be something that will probably bother me the rest of my life.  I so despise stupid drivers.  There's just so much going on right now I can't deal with it all.  I'm beyond tired.  I'm tired of being tired.  Life is becoming ridiculous.
7 Responses
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603015 tn?1329862973
Hey

I would love to give you some positive feedback here but I am right where you are, hang in there all I can say is that you are not alone.
Helpful - 0
471949 tn?1236904026
JKJ
trying to hang in there....think i'd rather just hang. sorry, morbid i know, just how i feel.  had tdoc appt today with new tdoc.  only 4th time i've seen her so she is still "new" tdoc to me.  i still really don't like her to well...i had seen other person for almost 5 years.  this person is just very, very different.
when i would tell the other person about something really bothering me she would really listen and come up with an idea to help. not this person....she hears me but doesn't seem to "listen"....know what i mean?  and doesn't offer any help.  some tdoc.

i told her today that i stopped the wellbutrin because it was making me sick....she just said "oh".  still no mention of any appt with a pdoc type person and my head was so spinning at the time i forgot to ask about a pdoc type person...so now i have to call her and ask, or just wait until next week and see if i remember.

i'm still a wreck...nothing is right
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
vdp
Right there with you! Phone to ask about the pdoc. It's better to try to be proactive about getting more help and there are some great people on here all routing for you.
Helpful - 0
619963 tn?1325078323
hi there
i so sorry to read that you are so down , i am just coming out of four year depression, it does get better , my first doc was the same it was as if she thought i was wasting her time , then one meeting i just lost it told her how she made me feel, and she wasnt helping me , she couldnt aploigise enough , im not say go and flip like i did but tell her how you feel its your health at the end of the day she suppose to be there for you,
i also found it helped when i was at my lowest, to imagine how people would cope with out me, then i felt selfish for wanting to end it all and leave behind my family,i know it seems like no one understands how you feel , please take comfort that you arnt the only one and that you are just a normal person, with normal problems, i hope that this helps please dont give up , its hard and i not going to lie it probley get harder before it gets better BUT IT WILL GET BETTER promise
all the best, please contact me any time if you just want to vent
julie
Helpful - 0
471949 tn?1236904026
JKJ
thanks to everyone who has commented and for the supportive comments.

today has been a really, really bad day.  my pain level from my neck injury is a 10 on that 0-10 scale...had a chiropractor appt this morning...he had warned me that that also would get worse before getting better.  dizziness also and very, very bad headache.  it's times like this i want to sue that other drive for everything she has.....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

got some disturbing mail....bill-type stuff that i know is incorrect and now it will take tons of digging on my part to prove it.  time and effort i just don't have.

i got nothing accomplished today because i feel so bad...the days are just ticking away and nothing is getting done...the thoughts in my head are constant.  i'm tired of the emotional pain, tired of the physical pain...it's an exhausting, never-ending fight.
Helpful - 0
471949 tn?1236904026
JKJ
i just don't understand....my tdoc says that these constant suicidal thoughts that i have are "my normal".....like my "baseline"
this tdoc is new to me....she is going off of what my former tdoc (rn) is telling her.

is it really normal to have thoughts of wanting to kill yourself everyday?  having a plan?  i've attempted suicide about 5 times in the past so it's not like just fleeting thoughts or anything.

it's like i'm screaming at them to help me and they are ignoring me.  gotta love the VA.
Helpful - 0
471949 tn?1236904026
JKJ
there's no one to talk to about how i'm feeling.   i'm alone with all of this.  new tdoc keeps telling me to call the suicide hotline for veterans....she swears they don't use caller ID; i'm fairly certain she is lying about that based on some things i've read by other vets about it.

i really just want to talk to my former tdoc....but i'm not "allowed" to.  so much BS.  

i'm in constant pain from the car accident.  also having to deal with all this house insurance claim ****.  there's more i just won't go into it here...it's all up to me.  and i'm tired of being "it".  i feel trapped and overwhelmed.
Helpful - 0
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