Coping skills

[PassionFlower09]

MY husband had an emotional affair with some B*************ch. He says he just "Helped a person in need". I say he lied to me, and hurt me. He says he doesn't  talk to her anymore.

But the bottom line is  I am very hurt and at times depressed. Like now, I am supposed to be preparing for work tomorrw, but I just don't feel like it, I can't concentrate,and I am very sad.  I look at him and get angry and depressed. I

I feel like I am the only one hurting.  He is at times my least liked person  in my life. It is so hard.

The more I envision him with that trollop the more angry and depressed I get.

How can I cope with this. I have been very hurt. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. I really want him to feel what I feel-. He doesn't know what has been lost.  

[mammo]

My husband had an affair when our first son was 6 months old, and it devestated me.  I remember thinking "but we took vows before God!"  I was the always giving, loving wife and mother and did nothing wrong. All of his family supported me thru this.  Although I feel all the blame should be on the spouse, I think it is very wrong for anyone to date a married person for any reason, excuse, whatever.  They need to think of who all is involved in this love triangle and will be hurt by it.  When I say all the blame should be on the spouse it is because if something is wrong in the marriage, don't turn to someone else, talk it over with your spouse, work together on it, or get out of the marriage and have your fling.  Don't disrespect your family this way.  None of us are perfect, but nor does anyone deserve to have this done to them, and certainly nobody should get involved with a married person.....period.

[lovemykids465]

I know, me either. ***** don't it. They screw up an we pay the price. I mean I am sure they are paying to but not like we are, now I am the one dealing with mental issues while he goes on with life, I hate it!  But At least he did not sleep with her, I do not think I could have stayed if he did,

[PassionFlower09]

Hey Love,

I will check it out thank you.

I never imagined myself in this position.

PassionFlower09

[lovemykids465]

Hi girl, I see you made it to this forum too. I was diagnosed with depression after my husbands emotional affair too. One doc even compared it to ptsd. I would not take it that far but some do suffer from this in these cases. I was put on lexapro for awhile and now on Effexor xr it will not solve your problem but helps you deal with the issues at hand.

[PassionFlower09]

Maybe  she is in need jactar09, but my husband abused me and hurt me. When I tried to talk to him about how I felt about this situtaiton, he lied  to me, insulted me, and pushed me away.

He behaved like a man who was having an affair. I am angry and hurt. Your cliched, "everybody is at fault"disposition is not applicable to this situation. I did nothing. I was honest, and giving, and kind.

I am angry, and I really hate my husband right now.  

I do love my husband, but I guess I am not ready to forgive him. He doesn't deserve it.  He is a traitor.  

I am not really through hurting. Because every day I hurts.  I guess I loved him more than he loved me. It is very sad. I am very very sad. So I don't care about her need.

[jacktar09]

Yes he does - but he needs to accept responsibility for his actions - determin what his actions did to the marriage  and why - then if you both need to determin what part you both had in the situation - this never happens because the other person was "a saint" - what you may think inconsequential may have damaged him  in someway - most times men dont talk "feelings" ( theirs) - keep your questions simple strightforward and hones but without the emotion. Yes it hurts you but healing only happens if you both want it... the other person is not the B you think perhaps she is truly someone with need - just like you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mammo]

You have symptoms of depression and who wouldn't after this!!  I would see a specialist for medication and/or therapy to help you get thru this period.  When you say an "emotional affair" do you feel this is all it was?  It's truly all about what you can live with, and I would be suspicious as well and hurt by this.  My first husband had an affair on me, and I thought I had forgiven and moved on, but after a few years, I realized I hadn't, and was no longer in love with him.  I don't know how someone who is supposed to love you can be with someone else.  If you want to save the marriage, then you both need to go to couples therapy.  This is a very difficult thing to get over, and the trust factor, well it just goes out the window!  You will always wonder, if he is still talking to her or someone else.  These are just my feelings having gone thru it.  There is no need to be angry at the other woman. With my current husband I have always had the attitude "if you can get him, you can have him."  Because the truth is, if he loves you and values what you have together, nobody could get him away, and if they can...see ya!  We have had a wonderful marriage for almost 20 years, and he has always been well aware of my attitude.  My children have the same attitude with their spouses.  This is not to say that we wouldn't be devestated,  extremely hurt and disappointed, we just wouldn't blame anyone but our spouse.  I am so sorry you are going thru this, and you are the only one suffering from his actions.  Just do what is best for you, and what will make and keep you happy. I think with proper therapy and both willing, you can get past this and have a happy life.  You have to decide if you can do this, only you know.  I couldn't again, but that me.  Big hugs to you, I know you're hurting.  Take care.