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Crushing Apathy

Hello - first time I've decided to really try and get help for this issue. I seem to have a crushing case of apathy - I don't seem to care about anything at all, and as time goes on, I get so sick of work or school that I just can't do it anymore.

I'm 19, I just moved out of my mom's a few months ago with my girlfriend. Everything in that regard is fine - we can get bills paid and everything just fine, so I really wouldn't say it's job/bill related stress.
I have a work-at-home customer support job. It's nice to not have to leave, but working in the same place you sit all day can get kind of strange, especially in terms of knowing what day it is.
In high school, specifically senior year, I experienced very strong feelings akin to what I feel now - the lack of a will to care, or more accurately, a desire to not care. As days went on in senior year, I just got more and more sick of it. Eventually, I just felt what I can only describe as "really not feeling it" when I woke up in the morning, and rather than going to school I'd just go park my car in some random parking lot and hang out there instead of going to school. I ended up having to do summer school to catch up on all the classes I failed.
The big issue here is that I'm feeling those feelings again with my current job - which I really don't want (the feelings, not the job). I like this job, it pays well, has actual benefits and room to rise up in the ranks. I feel as though my apathy is halting me from performing well at my job, though - I take way too much time off and slack whenever I am working.
I want to get better to improve my performance at work so I can actually advance in the ranks and get better pay and such, to better support myself and my girlfriend.
I suppose my biggest question would be: would any sort of medication help out with this? I'd love to visit a doctor and get prescribed something that could help with this. Not too sure on the idea of visiting a therapist frequently, as I don't have a lot of time off and I like to spend what time off I do have playing video games.
I appreciate any and all advice, and thanks for reading.
2 Responses
Avatar universal
Ah, is there no way to edit a post? That's a shame - I just wanted to add that I really feel that I shouldn't feel this way at all - there's nothing really bad in my life, I just find myself to be very apathetic and don't want to feel this way anymore, as it is getting in the way of my work.
Avatar universal
Itsamiracleisntit - I can understand those feelings you are having, as I began to feel them around the same period of time in my life.  I had my mother pushing for me to get help from therapy, but I was both unwilling and did not understand what she was talking about.  Apathy is something that I dealt with for a long time before becoming medicated, and occasionally have bouts with at this time.  I ended up sleeping through and skipping classes my senior year too, leading me to fail a calculus class I had too low of a score to salvage for credit.  After that, I was kicked out of my parent's house and felt very alone.  I was really angry but mostly hurt.  I couldn't explain the feelings, which continued until I was in the process of failing out of my first college attempt within a year and a half of arriving.

To put it simply, you might be experiencing a very common symptom of depression and it is very often treatable from medication and/or therapy.  

I have bipolar and had previously been unwillingly forced to see a therapist.  It's true you get out what you put in.  I was diagnosed around 4 years ago in my mid-20's.  Before that, I had been diagnosed as chronically depressed.  I actually got sober around 2.5 years ago at the advising of my psychiatrist.  Learning about how my cannabis and alcohol habits had reduced the efficacy of my meds helped me be confident in that decision.  I know the feeling, though, and have experienced it multiple times through the treating of my bipolar depression.  There is not really any difference than the depression of bipolar disorder or classic depression, other than it comes on fast and often for no perceivable reason.

I feel as though the staying at home, working and video-gaming, might be worsening your symptoms.  I recommend trying something new or something you used to enjoy as a kid.  I took up skateboarding again around age 25 and it gave me a great deal of freedom to leave the apartment.  The problem with feeling stuck and numb is that it usually continues until medication or behavior change.  It's a common feeling, but by no means something you should have to deal with constantly.  If it feels that way, I recommend speaking with a psychologist- there truly are excellent ones out there who are super-down-to-earth.

Being willing to take the next step has enabled you to frame an experience that will mostly likely be a positive one.  You should be proud for reaching out and sound like an intelligent guy.  I hope you find some relief, in whatever healthy form you can.  Don't wait 6 years like I did.  Medicine often gets a bad rap, usually from people who are too scared to get help.  Don't leave it up to chance, try to get help.  You can always stop therapy after trying it a while or changing/reducing/discontinuing meds.  Be sure to do at the advising of your p-doc (psychiatrist).  Lots of people give anti-depressents a month (which can be kind of rough unfortunately) and then immediately stop taking them.  They affect your brain, so it is pretty dumb to just stop taking them outright (instead of titrating).  I have tried over 10 medications in my life, each getting better than the last.  It is very common for adjustments in dosages or types of medications to occur.  Psychiatric medicine can sometimes feel like throwing darts in the dark- the only medical practice that bases their treatment solely off of the patient's feedback.  People all react differently to different medicines, so give them a fair shot and be honest if you don't like something after giving it some time.  Also, congrats on being honest on here.  Best of luck and feel free to message me back here or in private.  - Brett
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