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Depressed about goals in life
I'm in college, but it always seems impossible and can barely make it through. I'm no lazy butt, my problem is…I have never been a good test taker or even a good writer. It's like test and essays are the only things that count, which stinks. I haven't been doing good with school because of it…and literally ALL confidence is down the drain. In HS, I used to get A and B's now I'm nearly failing. Sometimes I feel as though I'm never good enough, even resulting in not knowing what to pursue in life. Every time I think of a goal, I'm just discourage 'cause I believe I can never achieve it. I've always had an interest in 'medical' things such as, radiology. (Possibly a new major) But, I know deep down becoming a Radiologist is completely impossible for me. I'm not smart enough, I know…and why should I even try. I was thinking about taking a semester off, just to figure things out. Mostly about 'me' before even going back to school, but it's holding me completely back. I cry everyday, knowing I'll never succeed (lol I'm tearing right now). Getting a job as well to help my grandmother out, 'cause she needs help with the bills. Good or bad idea? PLEASE HELP…I feel useless, suicidal…unfortunately.
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if you advice, seriously it would mean the world to me…I'm lost, I have nobody to talk to about this. I've NEVER felt this way in my entire life. I no it's my life…but for once, I want someone to tell me the truth, or even a 'simply' guide in the right direction would be totally appreciated.
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Mental illness can make learning hard. There ARE things you can do to get help, however. For instance, each school has a DSPS (disabled services), which does not only refer to physical disabilities. Mental and learning disabilities also qualify. I have bipolar disorder, and through the DSPS I get time and a half on tests and a quiet, empty room to test in if I feel I need it on any given test date. You just have to provide paperwork saying you have whatever you have been diagnosed with. For me, just having an appointment reminder card for a "bipolar support group" was enough.
You might also consider figuring out what your learning style is. For instance, I know I learn best if there is a clear explanation AND a visual cue. Relating things to some other aspect of life or a mental image also helps. For instance, my physiology teacher a few semesters ago compared the different types of chemical bonds to different relationships, and she even had a tool to remember that chief cells secrete pepsinogen. She drew a Native American chief on the board, gave the "This is politically correct, buuuut..." disclaimer, and then drew a can of Pepsi in his hand. Worked like a charm. Use this information to see if any reviews on ratemyprofessor.com might help you figure out if a teacher is going to match your learning style. (Some are more helpful than "This teacher *****," if you dig far enough.)
Don't give up! You can do this, and remember, retaking a class almost always makes it easier. Just withdraw before the date and give it another go next semester if you need to. If you are finding that you need to take a leave of absence to take care of your mental health, go to your counseling office at the college to file a leave, and talk to your teachers about getting an Incomplete, which is a contract between you and them that you will finish next semester. Some will grant this and it will help you avoid getting too many Ws on your record.
Best wishes!