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Avatar universal

Depressed and cannot move on

Hi all! I’ve been going through a struggle during a relationship with a depressed boyfriend, then I've had trouble dealing with the breakup of that relationship and that leads me to where I am now. Four months post break up, still crying every day, and wanting to message him all the time. Sometimes I do and he'll sometimes talk to me for a bit but ultimately it ends the same and he tells me to leave him alone. Over the recent months I've noticed myself change. As I said, I cry all the time, cry myself to sleep, cry in the night, cry as soon as I wake up, cry at work. I've started to just want to be left alone by everyone because when I'm with people I'm just thinking about my ex all the time. If people let me I would happily talk about it for hours on end. I go over and over every part of our relationship – the breakup and the horrible things he's said to me since. I am shattered all of the time, I've started to eat loads which is so not like me as normally when I'm sad my appetite goes completely. I've tried to help myself, I've joined a new exercise group; started a language class; booked a few mini breaks;  bought new clothes etc but I'm still sad. I can't concentrate and every day is just a battle with myself not to message him. A month ago I started seeing a counselor twice a week and also have started taking an anti depressant called citalopram. Neither seem to be helping, I like talking to the counselor but I'm not finding out anything I didn't already know about myself or what I can do to help myself. The medication is also having a negative effect I think. I started on a small dosage (10mg per day) and immediately noticed bad side effects. If I take it in the morning I am shattered in the day. If I take it at night I am shattered in the morning. And i mean shattered to the point where I'm doing a constant yawn and my head is falling down at my desk at work. I also feel really nauseous for the first few hours of the day. I also don't feel any different mood wise, worse in fact as the tiredness is making me miserable. I'm at my wits end. I know it's normal to grieve after a relationship but it's not easing up at all. I miss talking to him, I hate thinking he's moved on, I hate it that he doesn't mean the things he said to me, I hate it that I'm missing out on his life. What can I do to make this easier? I can’t live like this anymore!
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Hi Rave!  First, I'm sorry your relationship ended.  It is hard to deal with, but you are doing all the right things to get past this.  

With that said, I would say you should ask your psych to perhaps change your antidepressant.  Next, those drugs will make you sleepy as you get used to them... and yet you seem to be missing out on really restful nighttime sleep!  Solid, dependable, evening sleep is what you need.  So, also ask your psych to give you a mild sleeping drug that won't interfere with your REM sleep, and maybe that will help.  So, I think you need a change with your meds.

As for your lost relationship, the grieving process can be long or short, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.  I'd say yours is long and you're in the middle.  You are beginning to realize it REALLY IS over, but you just have a little remaining trouble accepting it.  So, focus on ACCEPTANCE.  You need to get to the end of this thing.  He's probably found someone else by now, and if not, he's just not ready to be in a relationship... remember, he was depressed!  It may take him years to straighten out.  In the meantime, girl, you are FREE.  You can now make your life exactly as you want it to be.  You don't have to deal with that situation anymore if you don't want to!

But I would say of all these things, getting very good and restful sleep is your first priority.  Lack of sleep is making all this ten times harder to come to terms with.  Some sleeping pills work better than others, so ask your doc to give you two, so if one doesn't work, the other one will.  You could even buy Tylenol PM over the counter and that'll knock you out, but ask your doc first, before doing that.
Hope this helps.  GG
Avatar universal
What you just described was me to a T about 7 months ago until just recently.
I was in the same position as you and thought that there was no hope in sight.
People would say it'll take time and you'll heal, I would disagree to say the least.
My god it struck such a cord when I read your post.
Every day all day crying and not a second would pass without thinking about them.
it consumed my existence, I even considered going to a very dark place and not continue with this life.
I wished I could just get a hug so I knew I was still in their mind.
I have a girlfriend who is incredibly understanding and has unmatchable patience.
My old relationship was a constant threat to my new one.
You know what did it for me? I saw my x and her new bf in public when I was with my gf and saw them cuddling....I was so shocked with my reaction....I felt amazing, I felt reborn, I now could move on with my new life and amazing new partner.
I think it was the finality of seeing them that did it. It made me accept it and heal.
I know it may sound weird, I don't totally get it myself. But know that it does go away, you won't be depressed forever, you will meet an amazing person and you will be happy again. I was low, it wouldn't be possible to feel lower, and now I can say I am extremely happy. Please don't give up. If you have that much passion in you, it will show and you will meet mr./mrs./ right!
Take that negativity and channel it into physical activity, jiu jitsu is an amazing release and you will meet the most amazing ppl with no egos and are very kind.
I have been where you are, you will get through this, you just have to let go and heal. You will never heal if it consumes all of your life.
please hang in there
Avatar universal
You're right about the lack of sleep making things more harder for me. My doctor changed my meds from Celexa to Lexapro and prescribed some sleeping pills to help me sleep better. The sleeping pills worked but Lexapro makes me restless and anxious when I'm awake. The crying have lessened but I'm still not ready to face my ex without losing my composure. Maybe I'll take it one step at a time and don't rush things. Thanks for you advice!
Avatar universal
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'd like for that day to come when I can face my ex and his new girlfriend and will not be affected. Healing may take a long time but I'm hoping that I will get there in the end.
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