am i to blame is it my fault?!?! i feel im being punished

[staceys821]

I had a ectopic with twins about 8-9 weeks ago they were 7-8 weeks when they were taken from me. Then this week i found out i was yet again pregnant. I was filled with joy thought maybe just maybe we will have our second bundle of joy. But no god took it from me 4-5 weeks along and misscarried yet again :'(
I have been taking preg vitimins and have been eating healthy and not eating abything not ment to eat :( im starting to think im not built for having babys this is my 3rd misscarrage and my first ectopic that hurt the most knowing i didnt loose the one i lost 2 and had no choice in the matter then to say goodbye to my beating heart babys :'( i try to stay strong but im hurting and crying so much :'(

The reason i ask if this is my punishment is because when i was 16 i fell pregnant and have aborted people say im wrong but the reason behind my doing is more then understandable i reakon as i fell pregnant to rape. And it was only rape it was rape by a family member.

I still get s*** from my family every day they say that its because of the abortion and that i shouldnt of done it i should of put it up for adopition or something but not abord it.

Is it crazy for me to feel like i have dine the right thing yet still getting punished ??

Please be honest.

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!

I'm sorry you've been through so much!

I agree completely with the above reply.  This isn't "punishment" in any way.  If you're a believer in God, you surely understand that he is not a vengeful God, he is forgiving.  That's not even an option that God is taking away your unborn children as "revenge".

Pregnancy loss certainly is VERY hard to deal with.  I myself had a late term miscarriage at 19 weeks, it was devastating.  As for your past history and your abortion, that's the decision you made at the time, because it was right for you considering the situation.  Everyone has an opinion of course and everyone thinks THEIR opinion is the only one that matters.  That's one topic that's NEVER good to get into with others, because it's very controversial, and most people are very passionate about their positions on termination.

I would make it very clear to your family that the topic of your abortion is not open for discussion ANY more, in ANY way, it's frankly none of anyone's business, and if people dare throw your history in your face during a very difficult time like a pregnancy loss, I would recommend very calmly, yet very sternly express that that is completely unacceptable, and you won't tolerate it one bit.  Don't let people treat you like that.  That should have never been allowed to happen.  I think it's unconscionable that someone would say that to you.  I know I wouldn't put up with that for a millisecond.

And just an FYI, any people who come into your life that don't know your past don't need all the intimate details.  Don't ever feel that you have to share that with people, it's YOUR business, and your business ALONE.

Pregnancy loss is difficult, and you've suffered more than one, so it's only natural that you would feel sad.  Have you ever sought any kind of therapy to help you deal with the assault?  Was the perpetrator prosecuted?  If you feel you're still struggling with the events of the past, then please seek out some help for yourself.  A therapist will help you work through both your past issues and the recent ones.

Very best to you, I hope that very soon you have a healthy and happy pregnancy!  It will happen!

[thatquietgirl]

No, this is not punishment.  People go on to have healthy pregnancies following abortions all the time.  The ectopic thing just happens sometimes.  Miscarriages often are caused by a chromosomal issues with the child.  Pregnancy will happen eventually.  Do not lose heart!  I would not tell your family about the next pregnancy until you are out of the first trimester if they are being so unsupportive when you have a miscarriage.