Did I do the right thing?

[robyns303]

I’m 16 years old, and in the past few years have overcome a lot of obstacles in my life, particularly with my emotional and mental well-being. To give a very abridged version, in the beginning of high school a friend of mine died of cancer, throwing me into a really tough bout of depression in which I was cutting myself and suicidal. Now, eventually the school found out and I went about proper therapy and treatment, and though a lot of things have changed in my life, I’m able to say that I’ve overcome this hurdle. But this is only the prerequisite to my question. My best friend (also a 16 year old girl) stood by me through everything, and was probably a better listener then everyone put together during my tough times, which only makes me feel guiltier. Last year she dropped from a straight A grade point average to nearly being held back a grade, but that was only the beginning. She started to get angry, mostly with her family; and she started to shy away from things like the science team which she was a main component and the school newspaper in which she was the only photographer, she’s just not being herself. Then she started talking to me on the phone late at night and she began confiding in me about different things. She and I both knew that she’s depressed and she admits that she needs to get help, but lies to the therapist her parents are making her see (for the grades, not because they know she’s depressed) and she just outright refuses to talk to the school guidance consolers and teachers. She recently told me about how she was thinking about suicide a lot, not committing it, but more thinking about it. I finally worked up the guts to go to the school guidance consolers and told them most everything that I could. They’ve decided that they want me to be with them when they call her down in a few days to question her, not only because I know what she’s lying about, but also to show that I care about her. I’m definitely for their intervention, but I’m just really worried that my friend will cut ties with me, and it’s not losing her as a friend that I’m worried about (I’d rather her be alive and happy then dead) it’s what she might do while we’re not talking that worries me more. Everything is just getting to me: I feel guilty because I brought my friend’s problem’s to guidance, and I’m angry at myself because I couldn’t do it sooner, and occasionally I feel myself slipping up and really wanting to hurt myself again. I haven’t, well not cutting, I have been punching walls once or twice, but it’s more the fact that I can’t focus now because there’s this looming feeling of lies and broken friendships. I can’t sleep, and neither can she, and now I’m seriously questioning if I did the right thing. I know this is a lot, and that there’s too many missing gaps in this story for a real answer, but I really just need some validation, no one has told me if I did the right thing. I don’t know, it might not help at all, but I need to know if I screwed this up again.

[angelastevens02]

you definently did the right thing...i've been depressed for a long time and attempted suicide myself a few times. i'd be thankful for a friend like you. she might be upset at first but she will come around and realize that you are being a true friend and love her enough to seek out help. and if it turns out badly...at least you won't be upset with yourself because you didn't do something about it.

[robyns303]

Hi everyone, and thanks so much for replying to my original post. Incase any of you were interested, the school guidance consolers did set up everything and I got called down and so did my friend, but she outright refused to do the whole 'sit down and we'll all talk thing', she just talked to me in one of the offices for a little while, and I tried to explain myself and get her to understand but she's just too stubborn and she kinda laughed everything off. The consolers were disappointed, but they explained how they couldn’t force her to talk and that was pretty much the end of it. Now it's kind of just awkward and my friend's a little mad, she said that she regretted telling me so much and that she won't make that mistake again. I don't know, maybe in the long run things will work out better...

And just to answer your questions LeftCoastChick, I don't cut myself anymore, I haven't for almost two years, and I'm not on any meds. I was for a period of time, but I was 14 and they were just messing with me more then helping me. For the past few weeks I had been punching walls occasionally when I got really overwhelmed, but I haven't in about two weeks, which I guess is a step, I stumbled a little bit, but I didn't completely fall.

Thanks Again Everyone.

[one_sick_bear]

"some folks just aren't ready to listen, so half expect it."

LCC, you can't think like that-- in your situation or someone else's. You have to atleast give people the benefit of the doubt. Negative expectations yield negative results.

[LeftCoastChick]

Robyn, you sound like a very bright and aware person. I takes a lot of courage to get your friend help and go right to whomever you have to even if it means sitting there with her, that is a TRUE friend, even at the risk of losing your friendship.  Suicide is not joke, I serious attempted once, and lucky to be alive.  I bet because of the stress you are under, you are doing self-harm,  you have to release your stress and anger somehow right?

Are you on meds right now Robyn? You should really address that, because down the line, you are going to have to see those cut marks that never go away.I know a couple of people that a so ashamed of their cutting, they wear long sleeves in the summer.  Find another way to vent,  you are very self-aware, you can do it.Self-injuring is a method of self-control, but really the addiction to it controls you. Lastly, so I don't bore you to tears. As much as you want to help your friend, it may not work out,  some folks just aren't ready to listen, so half expect it. Know in your heart you did it for pure intentions, nothing further. Pat yourself on the back.

[one_sick_bear]

robyns, you seem like a really smart girl. I don't think that you should question if what you did is the "right thing" or not. You did what is in your heart and you want to help. That in itself is absolutely incredible. I'm sure that your friend will initially be mad at you-- who knows how she will react. But after she gets her issues sorted out, and starts to deal with them, I'm sure she will KNOW that you we're only doing what is in her best interest and see how much you really care. You're a good friend. Don't feel guilty.