Does any have problems talking to their spouse?

[kimayahfull]

I am married and it is very hard to speak to my spouse about what I go through. I have had depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder since I was 25. I am now 44. He can't even tell if I am depressed or not, and when I inform him of it. I believe he just doesn't know what to do. I can be a little too forward with my speech at times and am concerned about hurting his feelings, but I need to take care of myself. What do I do, suggestions please?

[zx10zx10]

from a guys point of view, if there was something wrong with my wife I would want to know, there is no easy way to tell someone u need help, just say it. if he doesn't hold you or help u, and ur worried about if he can handle it, really.... god forbid if u passed away because of it. I don't think he would be able handle that..after  being together that long and he doesn't know, I find that hard to deal with, I know when my wife is in a bad mood, when she  is not doing so good, ect...my point is, if u cant tell the one u r with who can u tell, (ya I know your going to say a doctor) but when u walk out that doctors office, your alone and u don't want to be alone. So tell ur  partner, either he is there for u or he isn't. if he isn't then he was never there  to began with.

[water1959]

Hey..kimayallfull..I too have problems talking to my spouse.. For many reasons.it all comes down to my issues are way too overwhelming for him..he knows them all. I need him to be the balance for me..to maintain that balance I can't daily remind him what I'm dealing with. So I pick the days carefully when we do talk.  If everyday I told him how overwhelmed I was then its just too much. Pic your days carefully..practice telling yourself what you need him to hear. He's only going to remember parts so keep it short..

[Imagine13]

I understand your point, it was very well put. Not everyone responds to things the same way. Most people would rather ignore a problem than get it fixed and will continue to do things in an inefficient way. It's like Einstein once said 'you can't do the same thing over and over and expect different results' but we do it anyway. I assume it's because it's all we know or are exposed to but it varies depending on the person and the circomstances. If someone refuses to understand they wont! Others will try to understand but most don't unless they experience it themselves. It's a big world and everyone is different.

[Paxiled]

What's "supposed" to happen and how real people actually behave are two different things.  Some spouses are very good at helping and will move heaven and Earth to find a solution.  Some are supportive but don't have that desire to work to help.  Some leave.  Some are just apathetic.  Spouses come in every variety that humans come in.  And when chronic problems linger, support can become tiring.  It's wonderful to have someone to love and who loves you back without leaving, but for most of us our family, our friends and our spouses are much more apt to just tolerate our problems than work to make them go away.  It's just the nature of most people to do nothing about the things around them that aren't right -- which is also evident in politics and everything else in life.  If you have that spouse that actively helps you, consider yourself blessed; if you don't, you still have love, and that's not something to sneeze at just because the person you love and who loves you isn't the type to actively help.

[Imagine13]

Perhaps it's just my personal view (plus I'm a newly wed) but your spouse is suppose to be there for you through thick and thin. Your supposed to help each other grow and better each other no matter what the circumstances. Although if they fully don't understand and refuse I guess there is always therapy or other people going through the same thing.

If your spouse wants to understand sometimes you have yo break it down or have code words. I've had un diagnosed mild chronic migraines for so long I don't notice the pain unless it's bad. It effects several areas in my life. I may also have MS several symptoms ever lap but feel completely different. With those come anxiety and depression.

My husband knows how much I love him and how much I am trying to better myself not only for myself but for us! He doesn't fully understand what I'm going though but he's trying based off what I tell him which is difficult because both issues effect my ability to communicate! When I can talk fluently I tell him physical signs and we discuss code words so I don't feel embarrassed around other people!

I tell him what he can do to help like talk for me or say or do something to cheer me up or will remind me what I need to do! Sometimes he figures it out all on his own. It takes time but they need to know the signs and the signals first.

[Paxiled]

My wife has no interest at all in my problems, and especially hates the fact I go round and round with the same ones.  Your spouse doesn't want to help fix you, so he probably just wants to enjoy what he loves about you and ignore the rest.  In a way this is good, as he isn't leaving -- many do.  You probably are a bit lucky therefore but need to find someone else to talk to, as this is his way of dealing with it without it overwhelming him.

[kimayahfull]

Thank you imagine13 that was helpful. I'll give a try.

[Imagine13]

I would suggest meditating before having these discussions with him. But you should try to tell him how he can tell when you are in a bad state of mind and how he can help. I have several issues myself and that's how I've been dealing with it with my spouse and its been working so far. It's still hard on him but he's understanding and is able to receive the information better.
Give meditation a try! I'll calm your everything. Youtube meditation music for positive energy. Listen to it for at least an hour or as needed. To get comfortable just do something you enjoy. When your ready focus your mind on your breathing, in through your nose, out through your mouth. You'll only be able to focus on your breathing for a few breaths so don't stress out about. If it makes you cry, let it... you probably needed. Once done return to your breath. After a few breaths stay to yourself with confidence things you feel you are or need to hear and start it out with I AM... I AM CONFIDENT, I AM CALM,  I AM SMART, I AM CAPABLE, I AM LOVED... repeat the words of your choosing until you start to feel better. Tell yourself everything positive you need to hear. By doing this you are rewriting your brain to give you the confidence you need. If you are having difficulty sleeping change the wording to I AM SLEEPY, I AM PEACEFUL or something along those lines. I know it sounds odd but it helps more than you could ever imagine