Hi there and welcome to MedHelp!!! My mother died at a younger age and I think it has impacted me creating a lot of worry and fear about death myself. I worry about tragedies with my loved ones and think about probably more than I should about my own demise. I have kids that I know would be holy devastated should something happen to me and that is wonderful, rigth? But also a lot of pressure. I know what it is like to worry about death and health. And to feel a little lost and like you can't move in any directions.
You're also 46 which means your hormones are starting to change a bit. You are probably still young for monopause but by your age, I've begun to have shifts in hormones. Sleep becomes harder, anxiety increases, you can get the blues. Sigh. When you take meds and do counseling, does anything feel any better?
Hi Sher, I felt this way. i have several medical issues and i had osteoporosis at age 26, I have hypopituitarism since age 4 and a half, and take several hormone medications for life, which cause osteoporosis (Cortef, Synthroid). This caused me to be depressed in childhood and all mylife. I sought out different things, Reiki, Qigong classes. I am not saying these will fix or cure your issues, but you might find community with others, versus feeling alone. I have also tried Overeaters Anonymous. If you can try a Pilates class, you might feel stronger and proud of yourself for what you can do. or try Contra dancing. I did this for awhile. Or creative writing or drawing or painting classes. I did these too. In addition to going to your doctor or a counselor for help. Or a nutritionist if you are vegan and not getting the right vitamins, like B12, vit D, calcium, magnesium, this can make you feel weak. Doing something physical like dancing or pilates or bike riding in the gym will make you feel proud of yourself for what you can do. or swimming can be relaxing.
How are you doing Sher13? How is the weekend? Are weekends or week days harder for you? I have always had melancholy on Sundays for some reason.
So sorry you have these feelings. As you've said you've done, I believe that counseling and medication would allow you, for the most part, to get out of this funk.
I'm a lot older than you (78); and I'm in my 23rd year of survival with Stage 4 cancer. My every-day focus is on my death.
Perhaps your therapist might suggest you concentrate on getting by one day at a time. But in case you die, it's part of the life cycle, the universal cycle, as you know.
Try not to be afraid of it. Eternal peace with no worries is not a bad place to be, especially considering you will probably be with others you have loved.