Dont want to die because I am broke with no insurance...

[cether01]

but it sure does look more and more grim each day.

Been searching for so so long for a person or place to offer decent and professional help for my many behavioral  issues but I just cant find one.  I am in Tennessee.  Anyone have any thoughts, because the best I have been able to come up with in the past 5 years is 1.) a funeral would be cheaper than treatment and 2.) who really cares anyways

Chris

[Jinx_777]

i think if i were you, the first thing i would do is go to an emergency room and tell them you are very depressed and feeling like life is not worth living.  maybe even say suicidal so they PAY ATTENTION to you.  by law they have to admit you if you are a harm to yourself or others, regardless of ability to pay.
i have done this because i was so depressed and also had no insurance.  there you will see a doctor every morning, be set up on meds and have therapy.  you will meet a lot of nice people just like you as well.
you seem to desperately be trying to self medicate and if you are clinically depressed you will not get better on your own.  you also should have all the tests other posters have suggested.
that would be a great start.  a chemical imbalance is NOT something you can fix on your own.  

[jackstanford]

I can totally appreciate all you say cether. It sounds like you have a multitude of issues and without adequate insurance it can seem as though you are helpless but believe me you are not helpless.
My advice:
First off, you are killing your liver. You must address this immediately. It's not uncommon at all that an unhealthy liver can be the cause of many of your depression. I would like for you to research that yourself so you can see exactly what I am saying and what you can do to fix it. Even without proper bloodwork and doctors you can still do many things to help yourself.

As for your addiction of food you must eat healthy, otherwise you are only hurting yourself more and more each day and this is something only YOU can control.

As for nicotine, save that for last to conquer. You have enough on your plate to deal with.

As for aspirin I'm not sure why you take it or the tramadol. What pain are you having and who prescribes you tramadol? Are you just addicted to tramadol as a narcotic?

You need to cut back on sugar. Not sure in what form you get too much of it; candy bars, ice cream, junk food etc.  Their are many fruits that have lots of sugar that you could substitute and that may be the lesser of two evils. Fruit yogurts are a good replacement too.

As for video games I too can appreciate their addiction. I believe it was the source of a lot of my anxieties and since I have been in my latest bout with depression I have been able to stop due to lack of interest in anything.

Cether, please try to see a doctor and get some blood work done unless you have already done this. Surely you can afford that. Tell him to check for hepatitis a, b and c.  in your blood work too. This is not something they normally check for but the Center for Disease Control has recommended that almost everyone should be screened.

I would also like for you to check out some vitamin supplements. There is one in particular;  5-htp. Do your research on it, read reviews and decide for yourself if you think this might help. Always go organic. I just ordered some for myself since I am currently in a state of depression but not nearly as severe as yours.

I wish you well my friend.
jack

[HeadMistress]

Hi Chris,

Finding the right help can be really difficult and often in the process it leads to thoughts of despair if you can't find anyone that really understands.

I am certain there are people that care, I do and so do several other posters as is evidenced in this thread.

I've been through absolute hell myself over the last 2 years and I want to share some things that helped me rid myself of an 'Iatrogenic/Accidental Addiction', that almost cost me my life.

Do you know that being Vitamin D deficient can lead to severe depression?   Any chance you can get your level tested?  

I was shocked to find out that my Vit D level was only at 20% of what it should be.  Once I started supplementing naturally, I was very pleased to see an immediate lift in mood and lessening of depression.

Likewise, once I forced myself to get out into the sun and really absorb some UV light, I also felt a lot better.  To reiterate a lot better!

I know this sounds very simplistic, but I personally found these two small daily tasks helped me so much.

Can you break down one addiction to work on at a time?  For instance can you make an agreement with yourself to cut down on the use of Aspirin?

Once you start to get a handle on one addiction, you will be far better prepared to deal with your other addictions.  

I believe the secret is to go slow, be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself.  

Chris have you tried Holosync?  It is wonderful.  It's mediation with a twist, it's not your run of the mill guided mediation.  It works with binaural beats, taking you down into delta and alpha wave sleep and meditation.  The best bit is that you can make your own affirmations to help you deal directly with your OWN addictions.  The personalisation effect is great.

I swear by it in terms of relaxation and assisting in the general 'uncomfortable' feelings we experience when going through withdrawal.

You are lucky that you have your own business, but I wonder if you take any 'time out' for personal development or interests?  You know the old saying about all work and no play.  Find a hobby you love and ensure you spend a defined number of hours doing what you love.

In Australia we have a wonderful service called Reconnexion.  Information, booklets and resources can be mailed/emailed world wide.

Here's the link http://www.reconnexion.org.au/

I hope some of these tips might help you.  

[bbaggins]

They will evaluate you and prescribe medications. Most generic AD medications are fairly cheap, even without insurance.

[ILADVOCATE]

   There should be mental health clinics that have sliding scale fees.
The specific NAMI chapter in your area might have some information on
this or a number you could call to find this out.
   Also as regards medication coverage there is the Patient Assistance
Program where if a person cannot afford certain medications if eligible
the company will provide it without cost. However it depends on the specific medication and also there are certain eligibility factors
but you could look this up as well and discuss this with any psychiatrist
whom you would see. There should be other options also. Also as health coverage regulations are changing further options may become available
in the near future.

[cether01]

Thanks for your response, but I am pretty sure all they will do is evaluate me and refer me to places I cant afford.  Been through this before.

[bbaggins]

Go to any ER and ask for a psych evaluation. They have to accept you whether you have money or not.

[cether01]

Sorry to be so vague in my post, my mind had better intentions than my mood.

A Little more about me and my issue(s). Depression isn't my only issue. I am a 34 year old male, single and a small business owner. I suffer from various addictions including food, nicotine, large amounts of aspirin, sugar, tramadol, video games and technology (yes that is a real addiction). Sorry, I know that does not paint a pretty picture of me. Looking at this I am sure I sound like a lazy slob but oddly I am high functioning and.... Oh wait  who am I fooling? I am a lazy slob. But still, I seek help.

I have battled with depression for 18 years now and the others for roughly 10 years. I guess it has just been a slow roll down a long, dark and sad hill and I feel I am at the bottom.

My two biggest concerns that I want to address are depression and my addiction to aspirin, or any OTC pain reliever really. And yes I do mentally take them for pain even though my doctor tells me that the type of pain I have, it dont help. Oh the ugly face of addiction.

Some might say (and have) that I am not addicted and that it is all in my head. Well I don't know the medical definition of addiction but I would think that something you have tried to quit over and over again with decent effort and come up short, is an addiction.

My depression seems to be getting darker and more grim as each episode passes. Really scared of some thoughts I have. (not on medication currently, can't afford it).

Every thing that I listed above are serious problems for me no matter how cynical I make it sound. We all have our ways of getting through things I guess.  And no matter how many times I try I just can't seem to make any progress. It's almost like I feel overwhelmed with multiple issues I just don't know where to start and each time I do and fail I tell myself that I started trying to fix it the wrong way and must start over.

I live in a small town and not really close to a big city with multiple options and my business is my lifeblood even though I live day to day financially, I love it to much and have been doing it for too long to consider other options. And because I am a business owner I really find it shameful (my fault and I need to swallow the pride) to try to go to some sort of face to face support group. In  2009 I commited myself to a mental intake at an ER under the strong arm of a friend when I tried to commit suicide but insurance was poor and I was poor and that was a short lived 48 hours with no results that seemed to help.

The way I been feeling for the past couple of months really closely remind me of the time leading up to that last time before I went to into the hospital.

Does anyone know of any cheap resources. I don't have a close support circle of family and friends so here I am. I just really want to give this one more fighting effort so people can't say "I didn't know, I wish he would have reached out for help"   well, this is me reaching out to strangers, I guess it's better than sitting here spinning my wheels in the mud for months all to myself.

Apologies for any typos. Tired and on my phone.