Suicide

[Terrificsweet]

I have always tendeny to commit suicide. I really hate this life. I cant seek anyones help. I swallow lots poison in many times. One of them is zinc phosphide.But it doesnt effect,only vomiting occured. What will i do?

[B23121]

As bad as you feel right now. Please don't do it. Your life is worth living. Even though you don't feel it is right now.

There is help out there. Depression is a treatable illness. There are numerous medications that can help you. Talking can help. I am here to talk to you if you want.

[Terrificsweet]

Thank you friend. My problems are not solvable for me or anyone else. I am a 24year gir had normal dreams. My society is so orthodox. But thats not a problem for me. I live in a joint family. More than my parents my uncles take care for me a lot. So i inspired them most. As usual i also fall in love, but never reveal to that person itself. Because we are of different religion. And i never wish society blame my family because of me. So i swallow my love inside my heart itself and infront of him i act as a good friend. No one know about this. At the same time my family arranged my marriage with one of my known friend. He is 3 year older than me. And also he is a ex-love of one of my friend. I am sure about failure of my love.so i moved on to this. But you know onething actually my mind cant moved on from my love. But i decide to sacrifice everything for my family. But there my faith again start burned. My wouldbe want me as a copy of my friend. My mind fully collapsed. . My marriage happened. i moved to accept my husband and Told everything to him. But actually he need me only to show a wife to the public, and he had a extra martial relationship with a married women. And also he need me as a friend forever.I totally depressed then. By the time his family noticed his feelings for me then he started blame everything in my head. And also said my love story to all.my family went and said everything to my love. You know, may be that moment only he understand my feeling towards him is love. Then i dont know what happened.That was a really shock for me and made me complete silent. All asked me about all these. But i couldnt explain even a word. I requested my husband so many times for family. Atlast he forced my family to admitted me in a famous mental health centre in our country. I had nothing since, but after saw there atmosphere i cant express what my mind felt. My mind really exploded. I start to hate everything, every moment. Then i discharged from there after a month. When i reached back my home everyone forced me to return back with my husband. I tried suicide attempts a lot.but any 1 never reached goal. At last the discussion with both family most of them understand him. But for my family without any interest also i said to continue this relation, but he reject. But his family again request me to go back. I dont know what purpose they calling me back as the time their son never had any interest. Divorce happened. But society starts to irritate me and my family. Because of that my family hate my presence. They also started to ignore me. They only wanted me to marry anyone else soon. For their happiness and peace i again get ready for a 2nd marriage on that year itself.It was my brother's friend. He had a critical family atmosphere, but this was his first marriage. So everyone fixed this. As knowing the crutial situation in his home i requested my brother to avoid this proposal, he got too temper and warned me that if this doesnt happen he cut relation from me. Then i again moved on. My second marriage happened. But that husband always had guilty feeling about this marriage decision. He always try to prove i am wrong. I never said any of my past to him because of fear. But my brother told most them before this proposal. Now he start troubling me with all these. He had aways a shouted conversation. Everyday he research a point for fight. How much we can colapse a person he do the same to me. But i adjusted everything, because one more problem my family cant handle. If anything happened to this relation too they all kill me. He know about my situation. He know i am helpless. So he doing such a rude things. His family atmosphere also too rude. That family always fight each other. But i never their situation to my family. I know if i revealed about this they ignore only. Because they have importance about pride in society. Now my husband is forcing me to divorce. And he want me to arrange this divorce infront of all. No one know about this still. Now also i requesting to avoid this divorce. What can i do?  I cant face the same situations again. I cant have a courage to see my family against me. I know if anyone know about this all kill me. My life fall down again. You know something, these all i faced within 1 and half years. I am not a bad girl. I never did anything wrong. I loved every1. But i cant prove my sincerety. My all power of confidence lost. I am totally lost. No one can help me.

[achillea]

Please give it a try.  You are not alone.

[Terrificsweet]

Thanks for your words. But i wont be a chance for try. Death is the only medicine for me. Thats my faith decide

[Terrificsweet]

Its the last day for me. And i thanking all of you who concerned me to alive. But the fact that i cant overcome to handle this situation. I am totally fail. I really want to live more to do something to this world. I feel guilty for myself to ending this valuable life. My last wish is to donate my valuable organs. But i dont know what happen. I always love the proverb; love what you do,  do what you love. So now onwards i love to die. But i never advice anyone to suicide. Your life is very valuable. Runaway from the society who forcing you suicide. A light is there anywhere in this world brighting for you. I am a courageless girl, so i cant follow me. Be strong. God bless you all. Bye

[natashasinetta]

Life can be miserable and at times things happen that don't make sense. It is up to us to find the courage to pull through the darkness and find the light. I went through a period of darkness, turned to drugs and self-harm, then suicide. Our bodies are worth more than money could perspire, please realize this. Also realize we are what we overcome. you are strong.

[Terrificsweet]

You know, if i see a single light anywhere i really love to live. But everywhere darkness. Every night i decide to end myself. But that moment i understand a fact that how much valuable a day is. Before all these happen to my life i advice and help all to escape from problems and make them smile. You know, i have plenty of friends. In their mind i am the most coolest friend and also a positive energy for them. They always see my pleasant face only. Actually my life faced problem before too. But i can handle all inside and be happy always. But these all defeat me completely. So i disappear from my all of friends. They all searching me still. But i wish i am always be a pleasant friend to them. They never know how i am now. Thats why i share all these towards you all. You all dont know who i am, and just know a girl with lost hope. I miss myself. May be i will alive if i die too. My friends surely dedicate something for me then after. And you friend, i really love and miss all of them. I cant express this to them.And thank you to see my words.