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Avatar universal

Feeling low - been prescribed mirtazepine

Hello I am 35 years old. I have been struggling with low mood since June 2020 and I have been prescribed mirtazepine. Here is my history below:

I was born, unplanned, into a family that consisted of my mum, grandparents and great-grandmother. My dad left my mum and I when I was a baby. I do not know anything about him apart from him being a known criminal. Growing up I had everything done for me by my family.

I was bullied all through school - girls would say I’m stupid or have no friends; boys would say I’m ugly, that I have fleas or germs and ask me out or kiss me for fun.

I was subjected to child sexual abuse at 15. I never sought help for it.

I was subjected to sexual abuse again at 30 by a client in his own home. My employer blamed me for it so I resigned from them.

With my current situation:
At work there is a man who wants to date me but he knows I’m married and I’m bound to my vows. Yet he’s been trying to touch me and trying to get me alone with him.

I haven’t seen him since Feb 2020 (before the pandemic) but my friends have told me he’s been asking them where I live, if I’m still working for the business, where I go during my spare time, when, how and who with.

We were evicted from our flat in Nov 2020 after our landlord could no longer afford the flat on rent alone. We now live with my grandmother which hasn’t been an easy transition.

I feel even more isolated in working in a small cold spare room upstairs and my grandmother doesn’t like the way we leave our washing up to air dry or that we only do our laundry on weekends and not throughout the week like she does.

I’ve been eating more fattening food over the past week and I’ve been drinking more wine too, more so after my grandmother complains about vacuuming my hair up because I lose so much of it due to my hypothyroidism.

I am also questioning leaving my job - when it wasn’t so busy I got on really well but then the company brought over 15 new clients in one go to our department and so the call queues built up due to higher demand, which meant more unhappy customers.

I’ve been off sick from work since the start of January because a customer made personal insults towards me. I’m worried I’m going to be sacked from my job.

My quality assurance coach who monitors and rates my calls says I’m good and really professional but when I get angry callers it knocks my confidence back down to zero again.

I have an appointment with a mental health professional on Monday and I’m just hoping it all goes ok. Just wondering...am I a lost cause? I certainly feel that way.

Thank you
1 Responses
Avatar universal
No.  You're not.  You enemy is the way you think.  If you can change that, life will go better.  Therapy will help.  Exercise can help.  Meditation can help.  Support from friends and family can help.  Finding the things you like can help.  Almost none of us were planned, really.  We all start out being taken care of by our family.  That's all just life.  When you go out on your own, life goes to a different place.  I don't know what your job is, but it sounds like you call people.  They probably don't necessarily want to be called, so there will be insults.  It goes with the territory.  It's not personal.  None of us like to be interrupted when we don't want to be.  It's not you, it's the situation, so you can't judge yourself by that.  If you don't like the job, find something else, do whatever it takes to do that.  If you like your job, accept the downs with the ups.  No job is all good.  Put your focus on overcoming the things in the past that haunt you and the thinking you're doing that puts unnecessary extra pressure on you.  It won't be easy, but it can be done.  Peace.
2 Comments
Thanks. Yes, I receive incoming  calls from customers. I am a customer service agent dealing with share holdings. I was aware it came with the territory at the time I accepted the job - I was in a similar role which was much worse in that I was treated like a scammer. So I figured this job would be better than that.

I am hoping the first appointment with my counsellor goes well tomorrow. I am sure what's happened is that as I haven't really been taught any life skills it's possible my mentality is stuck as an adolescent. I will come back on here and update on how it all goes tomorrow.

Take care
Well, that explains it.  I've yelled at my brokerage when their website broke down.  Nobody likes wasting time especially when it costs them money.  But it's not you they're really mad at, it's the world, it's your employer, it's the internet, it's life.  You're just in the way.  It's not personal.
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