General support and rant

[TraceyB80]

Hi
I'm new to this forum and I'm really glad I was told about it.

I've had depression and anxiety for many years, I'm not sure exactly when it started, I had it as a teenager but I'm not sure when it developed.
It was only diagnosed a few years ago and I'm on medication. I'm currently taking four different types of medication for depression and anxiety and one for hypothyroidism.
My psychiatrist has to change my meds every few months because they work for a couple of months and then stop. Lately my anxiety has been pretty bad on a couple of occasions which is a new experience for me. Its always been there but twice lately, I thought I might have a panic attack I was so anxious.

I've gotten tired of just using meds to help my depression and decided to try to find a counselor. The counseling opportunities I'd investigated aren't available for me for various reasons. I'm waiting to hear from two different places to see if they offer counseling but if they don't, then I don't know of any others.
In the meantime I've decided to try to help myself which will be really hard because, when I'm depressed I can't help myself and I may give up on it.

It feels like I can't be honest with my friends who know I have depression, it feels like I have to wear a mask and pretend that everything's okay because they'd rather hear that I'm fine than that I'm depressed.

I'm supposed to be studying but depression affects my concentration and I've been struggling to stay focused and I'm falling further behind in my studies.

Sorry for the long post but I need to let it out somehow.

[TraceyB80]

Thanks so much to everybody for your encouragement and support.
Last night I was really depressed and couldn't study but this morning I could think about what had made me depressed and work out what to do next time so the same situation won't lead to depression again. I was studying a subject I had battled with previously and failed and I had answered a few questions and my answers weren't anything like how I should have done them. It made me feel like I was never going to get to grips with this subject and I felt desperate and hopeless.
This morning I realised that, instead of feeling like that, I can learn how to answer those questions correctly by looking at what my answers should have been.

I'm studying through correspondence so I study on my own and I'm working full time. We have some assignments that we need to hand in and exams to write. I think I'm fairly good at self-discipline but there are times when I know I need a break from studying which I take because, on those days, I wouldn't be able to take anything in.

[mammo]

Hi, the best advice I ever received after several psychiatrists, and psychologists was from a Social Worker, so I'm happy you have found someone.  As for studying, it is difficult to concentrate and I'm not sure how to advise you on that.  Just do your best until you get back to your doctor and then when feeling better speak to your professor(s) and see about make-up work to get your grades up.  They are usually good about this under your circumstances.

[4Maddie44]

Hi Tracey, Depression is so very difficult to deal with and people who have not suffered from it have no idea how it affects our lives in so many areas.  Like kway above says, our concentration goes completely.  We hide ourselves away, won't talk to anyone, feel unsafe in crowds, etc,  We have all been there and understand.  You have come to the right place.  I was in a very low place when I joined a couple of months ago, and people here have really helped me.  Everyone is so kind and caring.  Keep on posting here, we listen to each other, and will help all we can.

You obviously need to keep in close contact with your doctor.  Only they can advise on medication.  I do hope you find a counsellor who can help you.

Take care

[kway347]

"I'm supposed to be studying but depression affects my concentration and I've been struggling to stay focused and I'm falling further behind in my studies. "

How does one prevent this?

[TraceyB80]

Hi

Thanks so much for your understanding and support, I already feel at home here.
I will be seeing my psychiatrist this week some time, I was waiting until I had nearly finished my meds before I made another appointment.
I know that I do need medication to improve my quality of life and I will definitely not be going off it unless my doctor tells me to and even then I'd be reluctant to :)
Today I heard from a social worker who will be able to see me and she works from a church that is close to  my work which is really convenient. I am so grateful to God for opening this door for me.

[mammo]

Unfortunately, having to go from one medication to another is the norm for many people.  But I agree, you need to combine this with therapy to find out why you are feeling as you are, sometimes we just don't know until we get into therapy.  It also teaches you ways to think differently, and cope better.  So, I hope you are able to find a therapist and start to feel better.  It sounds like you still need an antidepressant for now, so I would contact your doctor about how you are feeling with the anxiety and all.  Therapy can take time and you want to be able to function in the meantime.  We're glad you're here and know you're not alone, we've all dealt with this and do understand.    As for your friends, I think we all tend to put on a happy face when with them.  I've always been very private witrh my depression except for family members.  I'm sure someone will have some advice for you on how to deal with your friends, for now you have us.
Take care....