Help.

[Rywol]

I don't know how much longer I can take this pain. I've had my fair share of ocd obsessive thoughts, low self esteem, and especially anxiety. I don't know what feeling normal is like anymore, because what most people consider normal I consider a blessing to feel. Let me cut to the chase when I say that I've always had some sort of obsessive thoughts. However I believe my low self esteem and anxiety started when I began high school. I'm now a senior and if anything it's like everything is worse, everyone is talking about college and what they're gonna do and I just sit here completely uninterested. I hate change. Senior year started off so well and so perfectly, I had a girlfriend who I thought was crazy about me, but then I came to realize that wasn't the case at all. You wouldn't believe it if I told you, but my friend in late October committed suicide and a couple of days later I found out my girlfriend cheated on me at some Halloween party. I've never felt so low and worthless in my life now that I think about it, but  worst part about it is that at the time I felt nothing. I couldn't cry and I couldn't even bear to think about what had happened. I had to be strong for my other friends and help them first, because I'll always put them before me. If they're not okay then neither am I. I'm tired of feeling like this and I'm tired of feeling worthless and like I'm not worth anything to anyone. Help me.

[Debcon627]

You've been through a lot the past few months, which of course will increase any anxiety and depression you are feeling anyways. Losing any type of social support is difficult, and you lost two within a short time period. As a therapist myself, please go talk to someone. Sometimes people feel better by just knowing they are trying to take control of their situation. I'm not sure if you're taking any medication, but maybe starting something or adjusting anything you're on is necessary too. Please just remember that you are worth something and that things will improve.

[Rywol]

I do have access to a therapist. Last year I finally had the guts to see one for my ocd. This is just so hard, so many sleepless nights

[Dreydog19]

Well it sounds your a very caring person. I'm like that too. But in order to maintain sometimes we need to get counseling or get meds. You might need that. Grief is so hard!

[purple1234567]

So sorry to hear about all the struggles that you have been facing this year!  It's never easy to lose a friend to suicide and then to have the betrayal on top of it- it's normal for you to feel sad- and it sounds like you may not have been able to grieve much as you were trying to be there for everyone else.  It's so very important to be able to hash out your feelings- being there for people isn't bad, it's great- but make sure that you take time to let yourself feel.  It's ok to not be ok all the time.  Do you have access to a counselor that you can talk to?  I know most people are very hesitant to start talking to someone like a counselor, but, you can't be there for everyone if you are slowly crumbling on the inside- it's very helpful to sort those things out with a third party.  So sorry for your loss!