Help with PPD daughter

[judithmhol]

My daughter is not the person I knew when she was younger.  Four months ago she came back into my life after about a 10 year estrangement.  She had been through a lot as a young girl, and she is 43 and I don’t see the funny , happy young woman she used to be.  She doesn’t trust anyone, including me.  She has always felt like she didn’t get enough love and her adoptive father and sister walked away from her about 5 years ago.  This info has a lot of gaps in it, but such a long story.  My concern for her is that I can’t even bring up the idea of therapy.  She believes that everyone else is the problem, and that she needs no help.  I understand that this is a primary problem with those suffering with PPD, they simply won’t except that they need any help.  Therefore treatment is usually not accepted.  By the way the PPD “diagnosis” is from me.  I’ve just read a lot about different disorders and this is the best I can come up with.  She is always paranoid, thinking that people are out to get her.  Any help out there , ANY would be so

Hi,
I think you mean BPD, which stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. My daughter has that and it sounds like that is the symptoms you are describing. Unfortunately, we cannot force others to get the help they need. You can find support (I find NAMI helpful- it is free and nation wide) or read about BPD and families with books like Stop Walking on Eggshells.
Sorry Hope it helps

[mammo]

I agree that there is not enough information for anyone to really know what her problem is, as a lot can happen in 10 years and it changes who and what we become.  I feel the most important thing is that the two of you have reunited and hopefully with time she will learn to trust you.  It sounds like she truly needs you so I wouldn't try to "fix" anything but keep the lines of communication open even if it's just idle chit chat.  Just let her know that you love her and she can talk to you about anything without judgement as you just want her to be happy.  This will take some time so just enjoy each day you have with her in hopes of gaining her trust again.  I do wish you all the best.

[specialmom]

I'm really sorry about your daughter.  So hard!  You two also had a very long estrangement.  I can tell you that in the last ten years I have been through a lot.  A lot that has given me joy and a lot that has stolen my joy.  Loving my kids more than anything in life but wow, much harder than I ever imagined.  The physical exhaustion is REAL being in the responsible position of caring for them (as I'm sure you remember) but even more exhausting is the emotional wear and tear.  There are days I am truly just getting through. And I have friends in the same boat.  Not everyone is super woman and I sure am not.  Add onto that all the under the roof things we don't talk that much about to people, money issues and trying to pay bills, have fun with what's left, prepare for disaster, etc.  Money matters can be difficult to navigate in today's society.  If she works, adding that into the mix is another layer of stress.  She may have issues with her partner, etc.  

So, in essence, I'm saying how much joy is she supposed to have?  LOL  Not really funny but life is hard.   And that may have nothing to do with PDD or any other mental health condition.  

Add to this the layer of family issues that have gone on.  No idea why the estrangement happened with you or with her other family members she is now having issues with.  But she may resent things, be bitter, and may not have put it all behind her. On some level.  

I personally think we all can use therapy.  You've told her what you think, it's not being met with agreement though.  So, nothing you can do.  I'd back off and just be there.  Tell her you are there to listen and be there for her any way she needs.  
It has to be really hard!  I hope this gets better for you all.  hugs

[Paxiled]

PPD is also a skin test for a whole other kettle of fish.  Are you meaning post partum depression?  Did she have a child recently?  If so, how is she treating that child?  Did you know her before she had the child if that's what you mean well enough to tell the difference now?  If she has that, it's not a mental illenss, it's a hormonal imbalance that usually goes away after a time but sometimes doesn't.  But you know, she's 43 now, she's going to be more jaded than she was at 33.  That's just life doing what it does to us and us recognizing it.  I'm not sure we have enough info, or that you have enough info, to tell if she's just a grumpy somewhat jaded person with some of life's scars, or just doesn't have an easy time when she's around you for reasons of your mutual history, or what's going on.  But if she doesn't feel she needs help, either she's right or she's wrong.  And if she's wrong and doesn't want to get help, you can't force it on her.  It's impossible for us to unravel a lifetime's web of a troubled relationship.  Here's what I'd look at -- if she has a job, does she go, is she doing well at it?  If she's married, how is the relationship going?  Does she have friends or is she isolated?  You can't diagnose someone you don't know very well, and is you've been apart for ten years, you don't know the person she is now very well at all.  You will in time if she sticks around with you.  But if she doesn't think she needs any help, she's not going to get any.  More info might be useful for more people on here to give insight.  I should add, when I google PPD, what comes up is a test for tuberculosis.  I'm guessing that's not what you mean, but the more info you provide here, the more we can look into what we've gone through and see if it matches.    

[AnxiousNoMore]

If she won't get help, and says everyone else is the problem, then you will not be able to convince her to go to therapy. There is no diagnosis, other than you are guessing PPD, so you won't ever know for sure what the problem is, other than the paranoid part where others are out to get her.
Unless you can find a way to incentivize her to go to therapy there isn't much that you can do to resolve any mental issues she has.