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1680078 tn?1305020717

Help

I am so tired of the way my life has been going for the last year i have a good job and i it is on the line because of my severe depression, anxity and now im told that i am bipolar good lord what next. I have missed so much work and i feel ashamed of whats going on with me and i feel like everyone is looking at me when i miss a week of work if not more just about every month when my episods start up. I feel so afraid and alone i cant take this anymore i even have had thoughts of suicide i was crying in my bed one morning with a gun to my head and just wanting to end it all. I am on alot of medications which help but when all three symtoms hit me i dont eat or sleep i cant think straight i start seeing things that are not there and i get very paranoid and helpless and i am very antisocial under these conditons. This is so not how i am when i am my normal self i am very outgoing and a people person and love attention and being the center of attention as well. I have talk to shrinks and counsilers but these episods keep coming back and i dont know what triggers them. I am so tired of suffering from this and i would like to just be myself again please if there is anyone that can give me any advise i would love to hear from you.
9 Responses
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1680450 tn?1306254193
Hey there you. Stay strong through this, it will only get better with time. Although I can't sit here and tell you that I've been through the same things that you have -- I can tell you that I was engaged to someone who was going through a lot of the same things you were, and stood by his side until he left us way too early from medical malpractice.

Just know that we are all here for you! <3
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Do not read the first on it's a mistype
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dude I am going through the same thing i was hostipalized and it kept me safe i strongly reccomend it you have so mush to live for and you sound like a very nice guy hang in their things will get better you just have to reach the top your at the bottom and climbing do not go down to the level of death reach the top of nirvana (the most powerful state of happiness) you just got to take it step by step it's not going to be overnight but soon you have lots to live for your probaly much older than me this nay sound corny but it's why I didn't take my own life -from Jacob an 11 year old remember everyone is rooting for you:)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Dude I am going through the same thing i was hostipalized and it kept me safe i strongly reccomend it you have so mush to live for and you sound like a very nice guy hang in their things will get better you just have to reach the your at the bottom and climbing do not go down to the level of death reach the top of nirvana (the most powerful state of happiness) you just got to take it step by step it's not going to be overnight but soon you have lots to live for your pro sly much older than me this nay sound corny but it's why I didn't take my own life -from Jacob an 11 year old remember everyone is rooting for you:)
Helpful - 0
1671244 tn?1304790985
Sorry about the double entry... must have doubled itself when I edited it..???
No, you are certainly not alone! I am very glad I was able to help you. Honestly, you are the very first person I have replied to on here and I was afraid of saying something wrong. But then I remembered that we are all just human and we are all going through similar issues, so just talk. Talk when you write like you would with your voice. Just express yourself, say what you are feeling and the Lord will do the rest.
I really resorted to being "goofy" because I was tired of the labels.., "depressed" "manic" "bipolar" or "mental"... Well, I thought, if the docs and those around me who do not know me want to label me, then I will feed into it with my "natural craziness" Ha! I come from a long line of "jokesters" ...generations actually! I have learned to take it to a new step after researching for a paper on "laughter is medicine" So, if I am going to stand out in a crowd for being "mental" ... than I am going to stand while laughing at myself! I added some pictures in my profile just to show how much goofiness runs in my family! Ha ha ah! Wait until add some of the poor pooches and kitties!!
Again, I am glad I could help and now that we are connected, I hope we get to talk much more!!

Helpful - 0
1680078 tn?1305020717
Wow it is good to know im not alone on this and your words meant alot to me and i will play them over and over in my head when i am feeling down. I dont want to give up on life it is to presious to take for granted and im willing to do whatever it take to get over this bump in my life and hopefuly just put it behinde me and go on to help others like you helping me. Thank you for hearing what i had to say it feels good to talk to someone about it and not bottle it up because of the fear of being an outcast. Again i cant thank you enough you did put a smile on my face and that is priceless in my book.
Helpful - 0
1673169 tn?1316541930
Listen. You have a brain disorder. The disorder does NOT define you. It is ok to be sick right now. You can work through this. It sounds like you need to go to the hospital to have your medications fine tuned in a safe place. If you are in the USA you company legally cannot fire you for being in the hospital for a few days to get better.

You're not the only one with these problems. I have them too. I was diagnosed four years ago. Please be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Helpful - 0
1671244 tn?1304790985
I can totally relate to what you are going through. one thing to know... truly just believe and know... you do not have to live like this; there are alternatives to the medications, there is hope and there is help out there. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic, bipolar and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This was about 5-6 years ago. Since then, I had been put on several medications. Every time I experienced something "new" the doctors would raise the medication. It came to a point that I was on so much medication that I could barely function. I, like you, knew this not "normal" for me. First of all, I prayed. Second of all, I started writing down what was going on around me, what happened when I felt a certain way, what time of day it was and anything to help me start identifying those triggers. I came to realize that even some of the television programs I watched would bring those unhealthy feelings. now, I am not a doctor, so this is just an opinion based on personal experience... both past and present, for I am still under care myself. I found that it was because of some of these medications that I was experiencing these things. Every chemical that goes into our body is going to have some kind of reaction; good or bad. This is why I feel it is very important to write down your feelings. Write the time and date down too, so then you are more easily able to recall that moment when you felt this way. Write down when you took your meds and which ones too. Make sure to relay this information to your healthcare providers... not just your "shrink" your physician too. Let them be aware of all your going through. I do not know what meds you are taking, but I have been on Seroquel, clonazepam, Zoloft, neurontin, Prozac, and wellbutrin in the past and currently. I am familiar with the side effects, both long term and short term, of these meds.
I do not know you, nor you me, but I would ask you to please call your doctor or a crisis hotline right away. Especially if you are having the suicidal thoughts. I would also advise you to take your guns and anything else you may think you would hurt yourself with and remove them from yourself. I would also suggest a warm bath and a huge laugh!! I cannot express how much laughter is good for the body and brain!! Seriously, LAUGH! It does wonders for your body. Look up a joke online, remember a funny moment. Think about my poor cat. He was just being a pest one day and I was bored.. so I stuck a piece of tape on his front right paw and his back left... Just imagine my poor silly cat standing on his two other legs and shaking each one with the tape on it!   If that didn't make ya laugh... here is another one... When I was younger I was the only girl in the neighborhood. One day I was out playing "cowboys & Indians" with my brothers and the neighbor boys. When one of the neighbor boys couldn't be found, we were standing in the woods asking each other, "Where's Kevin?" (Yes his name was Kevin.) Well just about then, I started hearing water flow as it is hitting my head! It was NOT WATER! Kevin was in the tree above where we were standing and was peeing! He did not know we were there... and it cam right on me! Yup, I can never say I ain't been peed on! NOW, doesn't it feel good to laugh!!!
Remember too, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Coming on here and asking for help or advice is a truly good step that says you are still thinking for yourself, you do not really want to harm yourself and you are not alone. I found this online community less than two weeks ago as I was going through horrible withdrawals from one med and side effects of another. Although I had become anti-social with those around me physically, being able to reach out to others online gave me a peace of mind, that I am not truly alone. If I can chat with my friends and family on Facebook and attend classes at an online university, than I could reach out from the safety of my house and still reach others going through similar situations as myself. If you know the Lord, even just know about Him, He truly is a safe place too and He Loves you no matter where you are. I cannot express that enough. I can tell you with all that I have in every fiber of my being .. there is hope and there is healing. You have taken a great step already. For this you should give your self credit. Convince yourself, " I have not been defeated because I have asked for help." "I am not alone because someone is talking to me right now." I am going to get through this." "I am worth it."  You are worth everything to God!!! Please do let me know how your are doing and please do not hurt yourself!!
Helpful - 0
1671244 tn?1304790985
I can totally relate to what you are going through. one thing to know... truly just believe and know... you do not have to live like this; there are alternatives to the medications, there is hope and there is help out there. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, panic, bipolar and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). This was about 5-6 years ago. Since then, I had been put on several medications. Every time I experienced something "new" the doctors would raise the medication. It came to a point that I was on so much medication that I could barely function. I, like you, knew this not "normal" for me. First of all, I prayed. Second of all, I started writing down what was going on around me, what happened when I felt a certain way, what time of day it was and anything to help me start identifying those triggers. i came to realize that even some of the television programs I watched would bring those unhealthy feelings. now, I am not a doctor, so this is just an opinion based on personal experience... both past and present, for I am still under care myself. I fund that it was because of some of these medications that I was experiencing these things. Every chemical that goes into our body is going to have some kind of reaction; good or bad. This is why I feel it is very important to write down your feelings. Write the time and date down too, so then you are more easily able to recall that moment when you felt this way. Write down when you took your meds and which ones too. Make sure to relay this information to your healthcare providers... not just your "shrink" your physician too. Let them be aware of all your going through. I do not know what meds you are taking, but I have been on Seroquel, clonazepam, Zoloft, neurontin, Prozac, and wellbutrin in the past and currently. I am familiar with the side effects, both long term and short term, of these meds.
I do not know you, nor you me, but I would ask you to please call your doctor or a crisis hotline right away. Especially if you are having the suicidal thoughts. I would also advise you to take your guns and anything else you may think you would hurt yourself with and remove them from yourself. I would also suggest a warm bath and a huge laugh!! I cannot express how much laughter is good for the body and brain!! Seriously, LAUGH! It does wonders for your body. Look up a joke online, remember a funny moment. Think about my poor cat. He was just being a pest one day and I was bored.. so I stuck a piece of tape on his front right paw and his back left... Just imagine my poor silly cat standing on his two other legs and shaking each one with the tape on it!   If that didn't make ya laugh... here is another one... When I was younger I was the only girl in the neighborhood. One day I was out playing "cowboys & Indians" with my brothers and the neighbor boys. When one of the neighbor boys could n;t be fund, we were standing in the woods asking each other, "Where's Kevin?" (Yes his name was Kevin.) Well just about then, I started hearing water flow as it is hitting my head! It was NOT WATER! Kevin was in the tree above where we were standing and was peeing! He did not know we were there... and it cam right on me! Yup, I can never say I ain't been peed on! NOW, doesn't it feel good to laugh!!!
Remember too, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! Coming on here and asking for help or advice is a truly good step that says you are still thinking for yourself, you do not really want to harm yourself and you are not alone. I found this online community less than two weeks ago as I was going through horrible withdrawals from one med and side effects of another. Although I had become anti-social with those around me physically, being able to reach out to others online gave me a peace of mind, that I am not truly alone. If I can chat with my friends and family on Facebook and attend classes at an online university, than I could reach out from the safety of my house and still reach others going through similar situations as myself. If you know the Lord, even just know about Him, He truly is a safe place too and He Loves you no matter where you are. I cannot express that enough. I can tell you with all that I have in every fiber of my being .. there is hope and there is healing. You have taken a great step already. For this you should give your self credit. Convince yourself, " I have not been defeated because I have asked for help." "I am not alone because someone is talking to me right now." I am going to get through this." "I am worth it."  You are worth everything to God!!! Please do let me know how your are doing and please do not hurt yourself!!
Helpful - 0
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