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How can I finish high school this year?

I am 17 years old and this is my last year of high school. I'm incredibly depressed and I also have social anxiety. The first half of the year was TERRIBLE. I was trying new antidepressants every week, while also trying to attend school as much as possible. Being in a class room triggers my anxiety and depression even more. I feel trapped and can't focus on anything the teacher is saying. I told my therapist and school psychologist that there really isn't a point to me going to class. I'm just suffering and I'm not getting any knowledge out of the lessons. I understand they want me to still try going to class because they said I should fight the anxiety/depression so that I don't get worse. But I have gotten worse. I only show up to school now to pick up material that I've missed and to hand in homework assignments. My guidance counselor is just trying to get me into school at this point so I don't get too many absences.
I'm really nervous about my future now because everyone is trying to get me into class and I simply cannot do it. Yesterday I felt completely trapped because all of a sudden my school psychologist, nurse, and guidance counselor were all forcing me to go to math. I started having a panic attack and there wasn't anyone I could go to because they were all telling me to go to class. I was on the verge of tears when someone finally gave in and I immediately called my father to pick me up. I'm so worried about what's happening to me because everytime a situation like this arises my depression and anxiety gets worse. They think by getting me to class I'll eventually get used to my surroundings, but I get even more upset because I feel so sick. My schedule is very short for the second half of the year and until I find the right medicine I want to be able to do my work independently. I understand it might be difficult teaching myself math, but even my mother suggested getting me a tutor.
I really want to be able to go to class, but everytime I do my depression increases. I'm worried about going to college now because everyone is pressuring me and telling me that I won't be able to unless I get to my classes in high school. I don't want to ruin my life, yet I think I need more time to find an antidepressant that works before I feel any better. Please is someone could just reassure me or give me advice I'd be very greatful. I feel so alone at this point because it seems like everyone is fighting against me and making me feel worse.
2 Responses
1551327 tn?1514045867
I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time.  I know you are worried about your future and I am about to tell you what it may look like.  Every time you have these anxiety attacks and walk away it reinforces the cycle of depression to anxiety to giving up.  I am not trying to hurt your feelings as I am sure they have already been stomped on enough but I have two neices who have developed very bad social anxiety to the point where one of them will not even leave the house without a blanket on her.
Don't do it for me, don't do it for the counselor, the psychiatrist, do not do it for anyone.  Do it for you....
What I mean by reinforcing the behavior is... well.... that is in our nature.  We are creatures of habit and I know how to break habits... it takes faith and strength.  I hope you just read my words and tell them to back off a little.  If you sit at your desk and start feeling anxious take a piece of paper out and doodle, take notes, whatever you have to do to ground yourself.  Slow down your breathing because short breaths only make the anxiety worse.  Medicine might help but some of this is cognitive and I want you to please understand the consequences of isolation.  It is a very lonely path.  Those students are human.  They are no better or worse than you... they are just different and so are you but that can be a beautiful thing.  Remember what is said about breathing.  Maybe clinch your muscles...make fists under your desk..... hold it for 5 seconds., then release.  I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can do this.
Avatar universal
I'm concerned you mention trying a new antidepressant every week.  They don't work that quickly -- it takes 4-6 weeks for them to kick in, though side effects start right away.  Switching rapidly from one to another can also overwhelm your neurotransmitters, causing you to get worse.  Did you really mean you've been doing this, or exaggerating?  Remember that stopping a med can be as hard on you as starting one if you've been on it for any length of time.  And are you depressed?  You sound like you've suffering from the onset of panic attack disorder, which can leave you depressed but isn't the same as having depression, while often anxious people are anxious as a result of depression.  It only matters. because some of the drugs used to treat depression can make anxiety worse, as they can be very stimulating.  As to your immediate problem, are you performing well when you do your school work?  Not how you feel about it, but objectively?  Are you getting the grades you're used to getting?  And did something happen that triggered this -- is this new and sudden or has it been around for a while and got worse lately?  Finally, your therapist knows you the best of this crowd of medical practitioners -- if he or she believes you're doing better than you think you are, you probably are.
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