How can I overcome my depression?

[antony10]

So it's been around 4 years and 2 years since I had sex with two female sex workers. Protected ofcourse both of them .But ever since my second and last exposure (2 years ago) I've been having anxiety and worried concerning HIV.I've visited doctors, nurses,therapists and psychologists even this forum on preventing the disease. All of them have told me that there was no risk at all and didn't need to test because I used a condom. Even the doctors told me that it was pointless to test for HIV and only tested me for gonorrhea and chlyamidia.The thing is sometimes I do feel like I dont have anything and I believe it, but when I get sick or see/feel something wrong on my body , I quickly associate it to HIV. I want to get pass it but it seems that I can never remove that fear because I always think of a "what if" I know for sure the condom never broke plus the last sex worker was straight foward that she was clean and recommended me a place if I ever needed to test for std , instructing me also to be careful with girls. I'm young and I have a girlfriend , I want to be a father and have a family.I do regret cheating on my girlfriend like that , but I never want to hurt with that disease also. Sometimes I think I'm to hard on myself even on exams , driving, taking a plane i feel nervous and thinking of the worst outcome that could happen feeding my self with anxiety ,depression and traumatizing myself when there is  nothing to be scared of. Anyways i would like to have an opinion on what you guys think about this thanks!!

[specialmom]

So, I'm going to stick to the topic of depression and anxiety.  That's what this is about since I see that you've asked about the risk associated with your activity and have been firmly answered that it was not a risk.  So, the mental health part of your issue. That's huge.  Irrational fear stems from anxiety.  Health anxiety is a real thing.  Yours is attached to these two sexual encounters but it is basically health anxiety.  Definition: Health anxiety is an obsessive and irrational worry about having a serious medical condition. It’s also called illness anxiety, and was formerly called hypochondria. This condition is marked by a person’s imagination of physical symptoms of illness.  This is what you need to talk to your doctor about.  A therapist may help you.  You have general anxiety as well also, it sounds.  Now, I think everyone has some bit of anxiety from time to time.  Few people love taking off in a plane and don't have a brief moment of 'what if'.  It's normal.  But does it impact you beyond that?  Do you feel sick because of it, avoid the trip because of it?  The extent to which it impacts you often dictates the level of care required.  Perhaps just talking to someone and working on some coping strategies would be enough.  Things like meditation, breathing exercises, visualization would help potentially if you are guided though doing them by an expert. Perhaps it would take more along the lines of medication.  That is between you and your doctor and therapist for what the best course of action is. But DO talk to your doctor to start that process.  

Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand. It can be a viscous cycle.  However, to be clinically depressed, it does need to meet a bit of a criteria. One of the things doctors often look for is duration. Does it last for two weeks straight, for example?  Again, how is it impacting your daily life?  That dictates your next steps or treatment requirements.

I would treat your mental health like other health ailments.  You view HIV as an illness, right? So is mental health issues. THAT is what you need to focus on to get better on a daily basis.  

[antony10]

Thank you for your comment and sorry for the late reply! You are right about the fact that what I have can be a vicious cycle of anxiety and depression because sometimes I am fine and dont think about it , but when I get sick or get a little cold I quickly associate it to HIV which I know its ridiculous because we all get sick . Like for example a week ago I had my right side tonsil swollen but got over it with medication after 3 days ,  4 days later I started to feel something else on my throat like small burn . There is a possibility that it could of been because of the A/C but my mind quickly goes to think that getting sick twice like that isn't nervous. So I'm stressed , nervous and depressed. Now these are the things that make me go crazy!

[specialmom]

So, what does get me when you discuss something like this with someone in the throes of anxiety disorder is that you completely ignored the information.  I do not want to talk about your never ending symptoms but rather, what you plan to do about anxiety and depression?  It's mental health. That is the disorder here. That is what you need to treat.