thinking about things I shouldn't...

[mskittylovesyou]

I thought about posting on the suicide topic, but I'd rather get more information on my medication.
I just joined so fogive me if I don't sound up to parr. My name is ashley, and I'm 18.
Currently I'm on the medication EffexorXR 75mg. I've been on this medication for about 3 years now. Before, I was taking PaxilCR. I had been on paxil since the age of 13, after my Grandmother had passed away. I knew nothing about anti-depressant medications at the time, and neither did my parents. And the doctor I was seeing (in my opinion) did not know what he was doing. Well I went on like this for 3 years, getting worse depression and anxiety. Getting different doses of paxil, until I was told that it can stop working after a long period of time. So I was switched to Effexor. I've been suffering from severe headaches for 2 years, and I want to be finished with my medication. It has compleatly taken over my life, and made me into a person I hate. I've been to different doctors, and psychatrists. And they've all tried putting me on more medications to "make my problems" go away. I want to go through my problems, problems of everyday life. It's normal. Well, in my opinion, I was fine before I started taking medication. Medication is wrong. It screws with your mind. Why would I want more medications, when medication is the reason for how I am? After prolong use, and searching, reading, talking. I've found that medication is to blame. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it gives you more problems than what you started with. Which is helped with "I'll prescribe you this to take away this". When all you need to do is STOP taking everything. The reason for all you problems, medication. I don't mean to be so rude. I ran out of my prescribed Effexor of 75mg 4 days ago. I am severly depressed, and having fits of rage. Even on the people I love the most. I've never had such terrible withdrawls. The vertigo is out of control. I am seriously suggeting something to myself that I don't want..
I called my psychatrist the day before I ran out, he's 70 some years old. I asked him if it would be all right if he prescribed about 8 pills just to get me to my next appointment, and he told me no. He said he was worried, and for me to wait till my next appointment. I said ok. Even though Effexor has THE MOST DANGEROUS withdrawl effects, he said no. He tried to put me on all these other meds, when I made it clear to him, to PLEASE  HELP me get off compleatly. Now I'm sitting here, contimplating everything I should do to myself to make everything stop... Someone shead light.. I'm afraid it's too late.

[xinn]

No one is supposed to go without an antidepressant with out a taper. Your Doc is OFF HIS ROCKER. TIME FOR A NEW DOC. Either find a new one a get an appointment within the next 24 hours or go to the ER and wxplain the problem and that your feeling suicidal.

[ParamedFlorena]

Hi Ashley,

Thanks for getting in here and posting and pondering your options. I'm glad you ranted about your meds. It is many effects and many side effects and running out of medications is just plain horrible. The medications I have used weren't so nasty if I forgot a week, but scary enough (smart me took off on vacation once and left the meds at home, consider mistake a great lesson).
All synthetics do something with your body, and I guess that is obvious. Hang in there. I don't know much about this topic at all but I thought I'd give you a thumbs up for thinking rational through this. You're quite strong.

Now I hope for some others to give you some more information... The first things my head pops up with is of course to check with someone in the Addiction, Substance abuse forum, about withdrawals? There are resourceful members in here too so don't give up waiting for a good response.

Please do check back!
~Florena