How should I handle depression and social anxiety?

[sean_njudi]

Hello, I am 15, a freshman in highschool, and a person heavily invested in technology. I was hesitant to write something here, but I even though on medication and seeing a professional physcaiatrist and physcologist am still feeling depressed and isolated. I was hoping some of you have ideas because I feel a lack of motivation for everything and feel like life is dull and unexciting. Everyday feels like another day of agony. Lack of motivation, friends, and happiness in general. I want and know I should do things but I don't. I talk to "friends" and feel like it's a one way relationship where I think they are my friend and I'm not theirs

[ltriach2]

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way! One thing I would suggest for the lack of motivation is to set /really/ small goals for yourself. This technique helped me so much when I was starting therapy, because often the trickiest part of doing something is just to start. So if I was feeling unmotivated to write a paper for a class, instead of trying to get myself to feel like writing the paper, I'd tell myself that all I had to do was go get my computer, open a document, and write one or two lines. Once I did that, I could stop and I'd have accomplished what I set out to. The thing is that once you have the document up and have written a couple lines you realize it's really not as bad as you were building it up to be in your head and feel like there's no point in stopping there, so keep going for longer and next thing you know you're a few pages in and this paper that you were putting off and stressing over is nearly behind you. Obviously writing a paper is just one example and you can apply this as needed to so many different things, and for me personally, it hasn't just helped with feeling motivated but just with feeling better overall - that dull and unexciting feeling is pretty common for me too and getting things done can help alleviate that.

You mention that you're into technology and if Paxiled is correct and this means you spend a lot of time alone at your computer for long periods, that can definitely make you feel pretty "blah". I have nothing against computer use since frankly when I was in high school and feeling anxious/lonely, being online was really, really helpful for me in feeling connected to people and having conversations, etc. It helped with the feelings of isolation you describe. But naturally, it also contributed to them at the same time (because nothing can just be simple can it? haha) because I was always cooped up in my room sitting around. One thing you might want to try is going out somewhere to use your computer, rather than just sitting in your room staring at a screen all day like I often did. Find a coffee shop nearby to take your laptop too, preferably at a place where you can sit outside when the weather is nice. Or if you don't have a laptop and are chained to a desktop, even just going to a library to use the computers there can be better than staying at home. It may seem like a small thing but seriously just switching up your environment can be a really positive change and make you feel less stuck, and even if you're still by yourself, the chatter and activity of other people can help with feeling less isolated. (Since you're 15 your travel options may be a little limited if you don't live in walking distance and your parents won't take you, so if these options aren't possible, I'm sure maybe even just going onto a back porch or hanging out in a busier area of the house could have some benefits - and make sure your room isn't super dark like mine always was; open a window!)

If you start to feel a little better and like you're up for it, you can also put your technology interest to good use and help a non-profit doing work on your computer - this way you'd be collaborating with people and channeling your skills towards something that would make you feel good. An example would be that some places need help with data entry or someone to keep their social media page updated with upcoming events, and when you're ready to connect with people in person you could try to find a way to help teach computing skills to people - there are places that do classes for seniors and/or unemployed people.

These are just a few suggestions and I know they won't solve everything, but I hope they help you a little! High school is such a rough time and I'm sorry that for you it's being made even more difficult. One last thing I'll add is that depression can often trick you into thinking that your friends aren't interested in you and that you're just a burden on them. It's awful to feel that way but I'm sure it's not true. I'd bet anything that the feeling that it's a "one way relationship" is just your head playing tricks on you and isn't an accurate picture of things. Maybe you could confide some of these insecurities in one of your friends and see if they have any thoughts - you may be surprised how quick they are to reassure you that's not the case. Good luck!

[specialmom]

Hi.  I'm sorry you are having a hard time.  I'm a mom of a middle school boy and it can definitely be a hard time, the jr high and early high school years.  You feel isolated but I promise you that you are NOT alone.  There are kids that feel the same as you around you.  One way to find them is to look for someone else that looks like they can use a friend.  I have told my kids this and it has always worked.  You look for someone that makes eye contact with you, that's sitting alone at lunch, doesn't have a partner in a project, etc.  Another thing you can do is to join a club.  There should be technical clubs at your school.  Our school has digital communications which is a cool club, music tech which is composing music (even if you are not musical) with online apps, graphic design club, our school even has a minecraft club.  So, check these out.  Also, and this is important, your counselor at school CAN help you .  They have resources and understand how you feel.  I'm here to listen and help if I can.  hugs

[Paxiled]

Ditto that.  I have always had a hard time making friends, but about your age I discovered a social group that turned out to be the most fun I've ever had in my life.  (Yeah, I know, I peaked early).  Those became my closest friends.  Some of us just aren't that great at connecting without some help.

[Paxiled]

And I should add, you say you're main passion in life is "technology."  Not sure which technology, everything is technology, but I'm assuming you spend a lot of time alone in front of a screen.  Pretty hard to connect when that's your norm.  You're young, not sure you should be on medication at that age, and if you still feel this lousy it isn't working.  Get outside and do stuff!

[Cmaccy]

Hi there- I hope you are ok, and please don't worry about posting on here people are here to support you. Well done for building the courage to write something, especially with it being so hard to feel motivated at the moment.

I am just wondering how long you have been visiting your psychologist for? Sometimes it can take some time to feel like things are getting better- and even things can feel like they get worse after starting therapy, I urge you to stick with it though! You are doing all the right things right now- it shows great strength and motivation to seek help.

Depression can suck you in to a cycle of not wanting to do anything which in turn can make you feel worse and even less motivated to do something- is there anyone you feel able to talk to about this? It might help if you could get someone to support you in doing something you aren't feeling able to do at the moment- they can be motivated for you.

You're not alone. Lots of people feel the way you describe, please don't think you will feel like this forever- it can get better.