Are you a veteran? You mention the VA. How old are you? I ask because being gay and having HIV are not the only commonalities we have with others. I'm neither gay nor have HIV but that has never stopped me from knowing those who do. If you're a veteran, you have a veterans community, and I'm guessing in that community there are people who can help you both with your isolation and your protection. There are also religious communities and intellectual communities and video game playing communities etc. Isolating oneself is part of your anxiety disorder and depression, we all do it, not just those who are gay or have HIV. I can't tell you how to overcome this, I can only say, if you're good at joining the HIV and gay communities, then that skill will transfer.
Wow, that's terrible. I feel for you! You must feel so isolated. This is semi extreme but if I had an ex that could pop up any time and has intentions of hurting me (and mental illness making it even more likely he would), eye sight that didn't allow me to see it coming, fear keeping me from getting the support in life one needs, and living my life to the fullest, I'd consider perhaps a new location to live. Lot of cities have gay communities. You could consider a new place t live? Is that an option at all??
Hi, I hope you come back and tell us how you are doing!
Could you get someone to come visit you? There are lonely people out there who would like to visit someone.
Do you have room for a roommate to move in?
If you can't go out, then maybe it can work the other way, where people come to you.
Schizophrenia is wicked. People suffering from that tend to be paranoid and afraid of everything and have weird thoughts that the world is against them (especially if they don't take their medication, and half of them think nothing is wrong with them and they don't need medication and refuse to take it.)
Maybe, here's a long shot, just an idea, get to know someone in a nearby town, far enough away you'll feel safe, close enough they can come visit, start a relationship with them, they'll want to move you to their town. I haven't thought this through. Dating websites are full of spambots now.