Are you a veteran? You mention the VA. How old are you? I ask because being gay and having HIV are not the only commonalities we have with others. I'm neither gay nor have HIV but that has never stopped me from knowing those who do. If you're a veteran, you have a veterans community, and I'm guessing in that community there are people who can help you both with your isolation and your protection. There are also religious communities and intellectual communities and video game playing communities etc. Isolating oneself is part of your anxiety disorder and depression, we all do it, not just those who are gay or have HIV. I can't tell you how to overcome this, I can only say, if you're good at joining the HIV and gay communities, then that skill will transfer.