I'm an 18 year old female and for the past at least 10 years of my life I remember being very sad a lot of the time. As I got older it started being ALL of the time. It's mainly when I'm alone, when I'm out with people and busy doing things I don't feel as bad.
Recently it's been a lot worse, I feel like crying all the time and even when I'm happy (in a good relationship, have plently of good friends) I feel like running a million miles away.
I think about dying a lot but I dont really think about the act of killing myself.
My father is an alcoholic and my mother is a drug addict. Growing up I've been abused (which I would rather not get into on a public forum) and when I was young I thought that was why I was sad a lot of the time.
As a teenager the abuse almost altogether stopped a few years ago and when I was sad after that, even until now, I thought it was teenage hormones and all that stuff. I'm tired ALL time and I always want to sleep. My whole life I've had bad headaches, and any doctor I've ever talked to told me my headaches were due to not eating properly/enough.
At this point in my life things are going pretty well, I have great friends and I'm trying to make up for doing bad in school in the past, and I've moved away from my parents.
My other friends complain they think they're depressed too, so I'm not sure what to think about my saddness.
Is this still teenage hormones or should I be more concerned? I don't want to go on medications or let anybody I know know what's going on, aside from the fact that I certainly can't afford to see somebody about this. I just want to be normal. Can I deal with myself quietly or hope it will eventually pass?