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I have visions of a kid committing suicide

Last summer, I read a poem about a boy who grew up. Right at the end of the poem, he kills himself and for some reason, this really affected me. I started to have these visions of a boy cutting himself until he would die, there would be blood everywhere and his mum could come in to find him, and she'd start screaming. None of this is real but when the visions occurred, it would seem like this was happening in front of me, and I wouldn't be able to stop thinking about it. I would cry and scream and it wouldn't stop. It got to the point where I would think about it in school and I had to be taken out of one of my lessons because I was crying so hard. Thankfully, after some time and after my therapist's help, these visions stopped and I forgot about the imaginary boy. However, yesterday, nearly a year after the visions stopped, I read the poem again and it happened again. This time was worse, I broke down and actually cut myself in the process. I'm not sure whether this was because I couldn't stop the vision, but as I could see him cutting himself, I did it to myself too and now I have scars on my wrists. I am so scared and I don't know what to do. I am 15 years old and need advice.
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Avatar universal
*i meant forum, not website! Thankyou.
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Avatar universal
And also to Paxiled, thankyou to you for posting a comment. I will take everything on board and use it to help me to get better. It has been interesting to hear what you have had to say, and I will keep updating on my situation! :)
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Avatar universal
Thankyou so much for taking the time to answer my question. I was worried nobody would but I'm really grateful that you did. I will use your advice and also go onto that website. It looks very benefital. Thankyou for being so kind!
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Avatar universal
This is what literature does, when it is well written and reaches us.  Your reaction is not only completely normal but what makes us human.  This is how we learn, by feeling, not by pure logic alone.  It is the combination.  So your lesson is to reason out why this poem affected you so much.  There's a reason people are still reading Don Quixote centuries later -- it moved people that much.  Revel in your ability to be moved, don't let it oppress you.
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480448 tn?1426948538
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you've been affected so deeply by this.  I have a 15 year old daughter, and I can tell you that for some kids, it's a rough time emotionally, with LOTS of ups and downs.

I'm glad therapy helped, can I ask WHY you would read the poem again?  You clearly are sensitive to those kinds of things, so you must make an effort to try to avoid things that are dark, or that give you a disturbing mental image.

Try to put it out of your mind, remind yourself of the things your therapist taught you, and DEFINITELY no more reading of the poem!  Look at it like PTSD, like soldiers have after war?  It's a very similar reaction, the poem triggered those thoughts and emotions in you.

If you can't shake it off, then definitely get back into therapy.  And, keep talking to a trusted adult about how you're feeling.  Best to you, keep in touch okay?

We also have a teen depression forum that you may find beneficial:

http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Teen-Depression/show/185
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