Aa
I'm feeling a tremendous amount of guilt
About my cat dying. It's not just because my cat died. But it's because I realized I didn't spend enough time with her as I should have. And I grew up with this cat. This isn't your ordinary cat, that all she does is eat and sleep and likes to be alone. This cat is people person cat. She doesn't think of herself as a cat, she thinks of herself as a human. And she personally loves me. I had this cat for 19 years. Toward the end of her life, I still pet her and stuff. But when I usually became a private person and I stopped having her in my room. When I grew up, I didn't have a door to my room. When I moved to another home, I still let her in my room and stuff, maybe as not as often. She would paw under the door to get in.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
Towards the last couple of years, she didn't try much to get my room that much. I still let her in once in a while if I recall. But she realized probably that I didn't want her in her room all that much. It's like when you grow older you get a bit colder, I guess?
Anyways, last week Wednesday, she cried at my door to get in. I let her in, and I had her on my bed. For only about 2 hours. Then I let her go, out of my room. Thursday came she cried at my door, but I was sleeping, so I wasn't in any mood to let her in. Anyways, Thursday afternoon I saw the her on the couch. Then later on at night, I still saw her at the couch. I noticed she wasn't moving.
And I thought it was because the other cat was groomed and she had a different smell. So I thought she was stressed because of that. Anyways, I went to check on her again, and she was hiding. I knew something maybe wrong and she might be sick, so I took her to her dish bowl to see if she would drink some water. She drank some water. She wouldn't eat any food. I thought the cat maybe stressed. The next day I still saw her hiding. That's when I knew she was sick, my father took her to the vet. And I couldn't go with him for some reason. I wanted to.
Anyways, I guess I didn't want to face reality, that she was probably dead. Yeah, she died. All her internal organs were failing, she was just dying. She weighed 5 pounds. They had to sedate her to end her suffering. She also had a tumor under her belly.
I feel tremendously horrible, that I didn't spend a lot more time with her than I should have, or at least had a time period with her before she died. I would have stayed longer with her on Wednesday (the whole day or as long as she wanted me to). I should have taken her to vet for check up. I mean this cat, she loved me. And cats don't care about possessions, they aren't judgmental like human beings are. They just want the basic essentials out of life, water, food. And your love. But I didn't show her enough of this back. I forget that my cat could die, because I had her so long, I was in denial even though I knew she was sick from time to time. And the thought never occurred to me I should spend more time with her.
She didn't want to be alone, and at the very least I should have spent time with her near the end of her 3 days of living. I don't know why my brain didn't form this thought. I could have had her on my bed. I was worried if I had her on my bed, then she couldn't go out of room to get her dish bowl. Maybe I didn't think she was dying. I don't know.
Not only that, I feel that I should have spent way more time with her in the past 3 years that I did. People keep telling me, she had a good life and she lived long as she did because she was so lucky to have me as a pet owner. But I failed her near the end. This guilt is killing me. I know she was waiting for me in heaven. But I have this tremendous amount of guilt. I can't shake it, and knowing what kind of a person I am. I won't get over this, because I don't want to get over it.
I still didn't ignore my cat, I still pet her, I know she loved me unconditionally. But I just did a horrible job at the end. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again, after her. And I even got a new kitten that almost looks like her. But I feel tremendous amount of guilt sharing with this new kitten that I didn't show near the end of my other cat's life.
I don't know what kind of advice I want, I don't think there is a fix for this my mind. Because I know cats can get depressed also. And I'm thinking I know she that loved me, and my family. But what if she thought that I lost interest in her near the end of her life? All these questions, and negative thoughts keep popping in my head.
Things like also, maybe I should die now, to be with my cat. Questions about death and stuff. I keep telling myself, I wasn't cold to my cat, I spent 2 hours with her on Wednesday when she was crying to come in. I let her in, I let her in. I should have taken her to a vet. A cat doesn't get caught up in obsessions such as playing video games all the time, etc. She wants love. And I know I could have done a better job. And don't say just because she is old, she wants to sleep all the time, so it's okay. The cat personally wanted to be with during the end of her life. And that scares me that I went cold.
Just to add... My cat was also the runt of the litter, and had a health problem from kittenhood.
So almost 20 years is pretty amazing really.
Sorry, but I'll never understand the mindset of trapping a cat indoors for it's whole life. I simply cannot see how anyone can justify imprisoning any living creature : We all love to feel the sun and breeze, to smell the flowers and grass. Even to take a walk in the rain on occasion, or play with snow... as my cat frequently did. I'd do the same again, even with the risk of something happening to them. A short life of freedom is better th
So almost 20 years is pretty amazing really.
Sorry, but I'll never understand the mindset of trapping a cat indoors for it's whole life. I simply cannot see how anyone can justify imprisoning any living creature : We all love to feel the sun and breeze, to smell the flowers and grass. Even to take a walk in the rain on occasion, or play with snow... as my cat frequently did. I'd do the same again, even with the risk of something happening to them. A short life of freedom is better th
Completel understand where you're coming from : Lost my almost 20 yr old cat 3 wks ago. Also have the 'I should have petted her then, let her have some of my chicken, known what was wrong and communicated it better to vet, etc, etc' guilty thoughts.
But unlike some posters, I also have regrets of fussing over her TOO MUCH at times!! Her life had become frequent trips to the vet and alot of meds / grooming attention - which I know she didn't like being messed with too much.
She went up and down and seemed fed up/tired at times over the last year or so, and I can't help feeling I should have let her go earlier (or at least not had the opinion that her fed up/tired looking phases were just normal old cat behaviour). I did go on what the vet advised about her levels of comfort at every step of the way, so all I can do is hope I provided the correct information to support his professional opinion.
So, as you can see: You cannot win, whatever you do!
I wish so much that I could have just another few minutes with her, just to to adore, cuddle and spoil her as I wish I had
We'll always find regrets. Sadly, we couldn't discuss what they really wanted with them. And so we can't be sure we delivered it...
Just to dispell a seemingly American myth : My cat had a cat flap, and until the last 2 years (only allowed out when I was around as too old and vulnerable / didn't need the stress of chasing other cat visitors away anymore), she had the freedom of the great outdoors and lived to 19yrs and 10 months. This is one thing I will never regret, she had her freedom to go wherever she pleased, whenever it suited her. Mostly, she chose hanging around with us at home / in her garden :)
She was out in the garden when I made the decision to take her to vet as an emergency (a few issues),knowing what he was likely to advise :(
Albeit a stumbling, weak probably uncomfortable final roam: She had her freedom til her very last hour.
It's been some time, so I hope you're feeling better now. It is a good life lesson to learn though : We can only do what we think is ok at the time. Hindsight would be a wonderful thing, if only we could turn back time.
But unlike some posters, I also have regrets of fussing over her TOO MUCH at times!! Her life had become frequent trips to the vet and alot of meds / grooming attention - which I know she didn't like being messed with too much.
She went up and down and seemed fed up/tired at times over the last year or so, and I can't help feeling I should have let her go earlier (or at least not had the opinion that her fed up/tired looking phases were just normal old cat behaviour). I did go on what the vet advised about her levels of comfort at every step of the way, so all I can do is hope I provided the correct information to support his professional opinion.
So, as you can see: You cannot win, whatever you do!
I wish so much that I could have just another few minutes with her, just to to adore, cuddle and spoil her as I wish I had
We'll always find regrets. Sadly, we couldn't discuss what they really wanted with them. And so we can't be sure we delivered it...
Just to dispell a seemingly American myth : My cat had a cat flap, and until the last 2 years (only allowed out when I was around as too old and vulnerable / didn't need the stress of chasing other cat visitors away anymore), she had the freedom of the great outdoors and lived to 19yrs and 10 months. This is one thing I will never regret, she had her freedom to go wherever she pleased, whenever it suited her. Mostly, she chose hanging around with us at home / in her garden :)
She was out in the garden when I made the decision to take her to vet as an emergency (a few issues),knowing what he was likely to advise :(
Albeit a stumbling, weak probably uncomfortable final roam: She had her freedom til her very last hour.
It's been some time, so I hope you're feeling better now. It is a good life lesson to learn though : We can only do what we think is ok at the time. Hindsight would be a wonderful thing, if only we could turn back time.
"When your cat was in its final moments she wasn't thinking that you should've spent more time with her, she was thinking of all the good times you had together and that made her happy she had a good life and will be waiting for you. I learnt from my other cat, animals are not immortal and neither are we but either way they will always have a good life.
Sorry this was late, but at least it's something. " -ElliottCopter
I don't know what she was thinking before she died. I do know the cat would love me unconditionally. And she wanted to be by me when she was sick. God took care of Jesus when Jesus was suffering on the cross. And Jesus wasn't mad at us. I just don't know what a cat thinks. But when she sees me, she remembers me, and loves me. So I do know her mind remembers who I am. So she must remember incidents in the past like as you say. So it is definitely possible she thinks that. But I do wonder if we suffer, all we can think about is pain, because pain becomes a distraction. I heard of World War 2 prisoners being starved, and when you are starved all you can think about is food. The more pain and suffering the less happy thoughts.
"I am so sorry for you. I have a loving cat as well and spend a lot of time with her. Occasionally I think about her dying and actually hope that I die first.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.
So. learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.
And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten. " -MaryWilson001
I had trouble finding words to say when my grandpa died. Like 4 hours before he died. He was really struggling. I do think it's a lie when people say people or pets die peacefully (they said it in the obituary). It seems like they are suffering. Maybe there is peace knowing they had a full life and didn't suffer through their entire life, just near the end.
But I must love cats more (I was sadder about my cat dying than my grandpa), or maybe it's because I lived in the same house. If I live in the same house as the people or cats I live with, I will feel sad. I would feel 1,000 more times sad if my parents die.
Anyways an update. I'm not feeling as depressed or guilty as I was before. I suppose because of what nursegirl6572 said about the mind just burying it. Although sometimes if I do bring it up in my mind, and I focus on it and think about it deeply. I still go into that depressed state.
I don't think it was a coincidence that God gave me a new cat, coincidentally 1 week after my cat died. There was a ad in the paper for the same looking Calico cat as my dead cat. And her personality is 100% identical. That's not a coincidence. That's God's way of saying love this new cat and don't worry I am taking care of your cat in heaven. She is waiting for you. And no, I don't believe I'm making this up in my head just to deal with grief. I don't like it when people say oh people just made up God/Heaven so they can deal with people/cats dying. If I didn't have the bible, I still would believe in God. But further belief in the bible, I understood what true love is. And you can't just make that stuff up. People's morals differ from God's. That's testament to what I believe. Of course there are those people that will just take the bible out of context and just make it look bad. That's another topic.
Thanks for your support so far, everyone.
Sorry this was late, but at least it's something. " -ElliottCopter
I don't know what she was thinking before she died. I do know the cat would love me unconditionally. And she wanted to be by me when she was sick. God took care of Jesus when Jesus was suffering on the cross. And Jesus wasn't mad at us. I just don't know what a cat thinks. But when she sees me, she remembers me, and loves me. So I do know her mind remembers who I am. So she must remember incidents in the past like as you say. So it is definitely possible she thinks that. But I do wonder if we suffer, all we can think about is pain, because pain becomes a distraction. I heard of World War 2 prisoners being starved, and when you are starved all you can think about is food. The more pain and suffering the less happy thoughts.
"I am so sorry for you. I have a loving cat as well and spend a lot of time with her. Occasionally I think about her dying and actually hope that I die first.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.
So. learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.
And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten. " -MaryWilson001
I had trouble finding words to say when my grandpa died. Like 4 hours before he died. He was really struggling. I do think it's a lie when people say people or pets die peacefully (they said it in the obituary). It seems like they are suffering. Maybe there is peace knowing they had a full life and didn't suffer through their entire life, just near the end.
But I must love cats more (I was sadder about my cat dying than my grandpa), or maybe it's because I lived in the same house. If I live in the same house as the people or cats I live with, I will feel sad. I would feel 1,000 more times sad if my parents die.
Anyways an update. I'm not feeling as depressed or guilty as I was before. I suppose because of what nursegirl6572 said about the mind just burying it. Although sometimes if I do bring it up in my mind, and I focus on it and think about it deeply. I still go into that depressed state.
I don't think it was a coincidence that God gave me a new cat, coincidentally 1 week after my cat died. There was a ad in the paper for the same looking Calico cat as my dead cat. And her personality is 100% identical. That's not a coincidence. That's God's way of saying love this new cat and don't worry I am taking care of your cat in heaven. She is waiting for you. And no, I don't believe I'm making this up in my head just to deal with grief. I don't like it when people say oh people just made up God/Heaven so they can deal with people/cats dying. If I didn't have the bible, I still would believe in God. But further belief in the bible, I understood what true love is. And you can't just make that stuff up. People's morals differ from God's. That's testament to what I believe. Of course there are those people that will just take the bible out of context and just make it look bad. That's another topic.
Thanks for your support so far, everyone.
I am so sorry for you. I have a loving cat as well and spend a lot of time with her. Occasionally I think about her dying and actually hope that I die first.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.
So. learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.
And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten.
There is a greater lesson to be learned from this. Don't make the same mistake with the humans in your life.
I have lost family members and am very blessed that I always took the time to be with them and love them. One day before my mother died, I placed my hands on her shoulders, looked at her lovingly, and said "You are the best person in the whole world." I think about that a lot. How happy I am that I told her when I still could.
So. learn a from your sorrow. Share your time and love with everything important in your life before it is too late.
And I agree. Find yourself a new kitten.
Sorry for the loss of your kitty. It really is so hard, isn't it? They become a member of the family. In time, maybe you can rescue a new kitten who needs a forever home.
1 Comments
Pets certainly can be members of one's family. I feel sorry for your loss. It was your cat's time. I suggest to try to remember the good times. I know personally when I was in my late teens when I lost my FoxterrierPoo. Sammy . Decades later I still miss him.
I feel your pain my cat had just passed away four days ago, and I never knew I loved her so much and how long I had her for I guess I fooled myself into thinking she would live forever and I took that for granted. My point is I never stopped to think that she could die and that means I started spending less time with her and not loving her as much as I used too. I grew up with pets I had 2 dogs and 2 cats, when my dogs died I didn't feel the pain I do now, it's maybe because I'm older and now know what death truly is. I thought of the future knowing my pets and some family members would be gone but it happened to soon for me to react, I never felt this pain since my grandad died, and I never thought I would cry over my pets. I learnt from this and now spend more time with my other cat.
When your cat was in its final moments she wasn't thinking that you should've spent more time with her, she was thinking of all the good times you had together and that made her happy she had a good life and will be waiting for you. I learnt from my other cat, animals are not immortal and neither are we but either way they will always have a good life.
Sorry this was late, but at least it's something.
When your cat was in its final moments she wasn't thinking that you should've spent more time with her, she was thinking of all the good times you had together and that made her happy she had a good life and will be waiting for you. I learnt from my other cat, animals are not immortal and neither are we but either way they will always have a good life.
Sorry this was late, but at least it's something.
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