I'm not depressed, I dont feel very often what's wrong?

[Zachster]

Is there anything to diagnose about me? It may just be my personality but my feelings are shaped to the environment of people I'm near, I have low energy, no happiness when I'm home and near my family. When I'm with my friends I'm happy all the time, and generally I can control my emotions entirely, the rare times I am sad I can snap out of it and feel normal again. I can induce excitement, happiness, fear, sadness, but if someone came up to me and said I bought you a ticket to a theme park or anything I'm not appreciative at all, the only way I can show a sign of appreciation is by applying a perspective that I should be thankful (but it's not entirely in my control if I dont want to do it in the first place). But I could do anything I'd want to do most that day and be satisfied. If no theme park then the beach. If no beach then my friends, of no friends then media. If no media then I can sit and do nothing and I would be fine with that. I am not depressed as far as I am aware, I dont have any insecurities, I dont think I am the best at everything I do because I am mostly a logical thinker, on the inside I love people with all my heart but I have no will or desire to express it on the outside. I'm a little bit selfish because I used to have emotional issues with myself and was able to fix them, and i have too much pride to commit suicide but for some reason even though i refuse to do anything like that. On rare occasions when my family hurts me, i still get thoughts of suicide conflicting with my immediate consciousness that completely rejects that, it's not like something is talking to me. I'm not sure what it is, I think whatever in the brain is the cause for being dramatic that's definitely where it's coming from. Another thing is I dont believe there are any other situations going on in my life that would be causing this currently, as most events in life I understand are completely out of control leaving me with no guilt or regret when it comes to relatives passing away, I usually only feel empathetic emotions spread in the room, and when it stinks in weeks later when you realize you wont see them again. I can provide more details on my characteristics but I think I provided everything necessary to start out. Apologies that everything is a little vague, I have not taken much time to think about all of this.

[specialmom]

I think any time you've had true, sincere thoughts of suicide, it is an issue of depression, most likely.  It's to be taken seriously.  And it is not a bad thing to have depression.  You'd be in good company.  :>)  If you are questioning whether or not you are, they use various ways but primarily, a doctor will question you, and your job is to be absolutely honest.  They use a questionnaire usually and your answers are telling.  I would call your doctor and begin this process.  good luck

[Zachster]

Unfortunately I dont have health insurance, and it's not serious thoughts, the point was more that it was not thoughts under my control, this thread wasnt intended to be about suicide, I could never, and refuse to take my own life, it was more if theres a problem with turning off my emotions in certain environments or with certain company, I was hoping for someone who can relate to maybe pass on wisdom of how they're been able to counter it, or anything I cant think of.

[Paxiled]

I'm getting more confused by your answers.  My own advice would not be to see a doctor, as they don't know much about emotional problems unless you see a psychiatrist, but you're not at a point and you're really too young for medication, which is what docs do.  A psychologist as more what I was referring to because you wouldn't have posted here if you thought things were going great, right?  Here's a major telltale sign -- "I am less attractive than the majority of my family..."  How do you know?  Attractiveness is told by how sexual partners react to you, not by looking in the mirror or comparing yourself to others.  People who do this are feeling insecure.  And sometimes they are feeling depressed.  Content people, secure people, don't think about things like having to practice not being yourself.  They just are.  Now, everyone runs into periods in their life when things just don't go very well -- and you sound like a young person because of the way you talk about your peers and your family, I'm guessing you're pretty young.  People can have some pretty bad years and still have a great life that rights itself.  I just have to repeat, your post asked if there was anything to diagnose about you, and nobody on here can tell you that based on what you've said --  you say you're content with yourself and not depressed and then you say you think things only depressed people think about much.  Maybe you're fine and just different than how you're perceiving other people, but if you want some wisdom, I've been alive too long and everyone is a lot different from everyone else in some ways, others just don't know it because they're not close enough to them to know.  Specialmom and I are married, and we can tell you a ton about what it's like to be married and go through time that close to someone and still not know as much about them as you'd think.  Life is just odd.  We're all odd.  The question you have to answer is, are you just discovering some things about yourself because, as your posts seem to indicate, you just happen to be a person who analyzes things more than most people do and therefore focus more on this kind of thing, or are you making your life harder?  It certainly appears you're at least more than a bit worried about yourself.  So talk to someone, even if it's a good friend, if you have one, and if you don't, think about that, too.  I'm at a loss because you're saying you're fine and you're not fine all at the same time, and I'm not there and can't know which is true or whether both are true.  I can only say again, the answer to your original question is, maybe.  If you want to find out, there are professionals out there who do that for a living.  There are friends who might tell you what they think.  Your parents are there to talk to if you want to do that, they've been around.  You have resources.  Use them.  Peace,    

[Paxiled]

Uh, we're not married to one another -- fortunately for specialmom.

[Paxiled]

If you think of suicide, you are depressed.  There are conditions considered disorders where people don't feel that much.  So yes, there is something to diagnose about you.  Again, if you think about suicide, you are depressed.  

[Zachster]

I implore for a second ruling, I do not think about suicide. It was not said in my controlled consciousness, I immediately contested that feeling with a that will never happen, and it was at the lowest point of how I was feeling during an argument. Arguments do happen lol, and responding emotionally in a negative way, also does happen, and at my lowest point I refused those thoughts, which I hadn't thought of in over 2 years. I have no insecurities because I refuse to believe in dramatic lies. Are you positive that I am depressed?

[Paxiled]

No, no, no, please, there are no experts on here especially me, just other depressed people.  You said above that when certain unpleasant things happen you think about suicide.  The fact you then reject the idea isn't my point, my point is that is a very extreme reaction to the unpleasantries of daily life.  It is something depressed people think -- having depression or anxiety is a matter of how and what you think.  That's why it sounded to me like you might indeed be depressed, but I also pointed out another possibility, which are disorders where people don't feel what "healthy" people are expected to feel.  An extreme example is sociopathy.  A less extreme example, exemplified by our current President of the US, is narcissism.  These are disorders that block feelings that cause things like guilt, shame, and regret, for example.  They can be pretty benign in some people but in others can lead to acting in ways that hurt other people without being all that aware of it or caring about it, but also can lead to not learning much as you go through life so you keep repeating the same mistakes.  I have no idea if you have any of this, only your brief description, but your question was, is there anything to diagnose, and the answer, only going on what you've said so far, is, maybe.

[Zachster]

Well I have a pretty wise outlook on life but maybe perhaps im overlooking the fact that those practices havent resonated with my mental state, I always say that I dont have any regrets because everything that happens in life makes you who you are, and I feel blessed to be who I am to have at least 'enough' in my life, I leave righteous pride to feel good about the positive qualities I have. But I just seem to always find myself in situations where my peers target me in a group as the one to make fun of and it just really makes me feel like a black sheep. I dont have a lot of charisma, I am less attractive than the majority of my family, and I come off too heavily as a high and mighty type because of my tone, I just want to be myself and not practice being someone I'm not. Anyways the thoughts of suicide is not a conscientious decision, like I've said. I immediately reject the thought as soon as I have it. Maybe I'll have to self reflect and un-numb myself from looking at the negatives and see if there are any issues with myself that I need to work on.