Is there anyone else up? I really need to talk to someone

[April2]

I've had the worst night ever. I just committed my 15 year old daughter into a mental hospital for a mandatory 72 hours and I don't know if I made the right decision. That was the hardest thing I've ever done. She's been cutting herself for almost 2 years. I thought she hadn't done it in a long time but she had, I guess. She just hid it from me. I really thought we were through all that.Tonight she blew up over something so small. She does that sometimes but hasn't done it in a long time. She has a trouble controlling her emotions sometimes.She wound up cutting herself and I was afraid she'd do something so I made her show me. I couldn't understand and asked her why? She told me she's been trying to tell me for a long time that she's depressed and needs help. I took her to the ER and they told me she needed to be watched for 72 hours and had her taken to the mental health hospital. I didn't know they'd make her stay that long. I feel so out of control. I'm her parent and I just left her with strangers for 3 days! I really didn't think she was a suicide threat, although she wrote some stuff on her myspace that sounded suicidal. When I asked her about it, she said she just said that to get attention from her friends. She wanted to see if anybody cared. I never know what to believe anymore with her. She's lied before. But tonight she was crying and asking me to not let her go there. I know she was scared. This is my baby!
Did I make the right decision? Has anybody gone through something like this? I can't even see her but an hour in the evening each day. I can't believe this. I just left my baby with strangers! And she was crying but trying to not show it. I couldn't hold back the tears either. I love her so much. I don't know how much is normal teen hormones anymore and what's normal or not normal. The cutting, I never did like or understand.
I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. I just don't understand why! She has a good family! She's not been abused or neglected. She has nice clothes and most things that she wants that we can afford. She told me tonight that she hates her family and she hates her life. The only one she doesn't hate is her baby brother. That hurt. I love her so much and I don't understand why she'd hate me when I've tried so hard to do the right thing and be a good parent. Sometimes I look at her and I don't even know her. I wonder what happened to my sweet, happy little girl. I don't understand any of this! And now I just left her with strangers and I have to trust them that they will diagnose her correctly and won't hurt her. A part of me wants to snatch her back and run away and hide her away from everything and protect her. But I can't protect her. All I can do is pray and ask God to be with her because I can't right now. This is the worst feeling in the world.

[April2]

Hey Medfree! Thanks for writing back! You know what? My daughter's actually been doing great over the last couple of months! She was grounded for a month and that's what started it. But that was a month ago and she's still acting great! She's not talking back, argueing, slamming doors, any of that! And she's been more helpful with her little brother. Just down right pleasant! I've almost been holding my breath because it's been so peaceful! Part of that I think is she's got a new boyfriend that she's totally in love with right now. The good thing is he seems to be a good Christian kid. He's rather quiet and shy so it's hard to talk to him sometimes but we had him over for awhile tonight and I met his mom yesterday. She seems real nice.
I don't know. I think it's a combination of she's happy with this boy and she's tired of getting into trouble. She has had trouble being a follower before so now it seems she wants to be good because this boy doesn't get into trouble, I guess. He doesn't drink, smoke, do drugs and she says he's even a virgin. Hey, that's perfectly ok with me!
I don't know how much the Zoloft may play into stabilizing her moods too. Right now, that's all we've got her on. We took her off the Neurontin because we felt it was making her sleepy in school.
She's even trying harder in school! I've even noticed that when she does get upset about something she seems more controlled. Like tonight, she was upset that her dad said something embaressing to her boyfriend. She used to stomp off, yell and slam the doors or slam out of the house. She hasn't done that in a long time. She did talk to me and told me why she was upset and I told her she needed to talk to her dad. She did want to just go off in her room but I made her wait awhile. She's definately showing some improvement! Maybe she's finally growing up and gaining some maturity? I sure hope so.

She turned "Sweet 16" today! She had a really nice day and a nice party tonight. She's acting much happier.
Thank you all so much for the support, advice and prayers. It means so much to me!
I hope you are doing well. Be blessed!

Cat, thanks for your thoughts. 14 is such a hard age, huh? That's the age my daughter really seemed to go off the deep end. It's been almost 2 years and I'm just now starting to see that light at the end of the tunnel. I'm having hope again. I know God will see us through this. I never doubted that. I always prayed Jeremiah 29:11 over her. I reminded God that I knew He had good plans for her life, even if I wasn't seeing it yet! I still believe He can use her mightly if she'll let Him. She still has a lot of growing and maturing to do but she'll get there. She's doing better every day. Thanks for writing and sharing! Take care & God bless!

[cat9841]

Yes, I had to do this too, with my son, several years ago at the age of 14, he was put in out of home placement for a year and a half, this after being in ward B  and charter and running up a lot of bills. I know what your going through, but hard as it is, it will be what is best for your family and her. one thing I did learn is that you cannot let one person destroy a whole family. hang in there and pray, God will see you and your daughter through.
CAT

[medfree]

Hi, honey!  It's been awhile since I've been on here but we moved to another area of the state and I've been really busy.  I wanted to touch base and see how your daughter is doing.  I actually had to smile when you said she was crabby and stomped off to her room.  You DO remember she's a 14 year old girl, right?  lol  Oh my gosh, I've raised two of them and I know just what you're going through.  May I give you some hard learned advice?  My daughter's father and I were separated when she became depressed and started cutting and burning herself.  As I've told you before, I went through the same things you are going through.  My gut instinct as a mom told me that after she had stabilized, I needed to still be her mom and not be afraid of disciplining her.  She still needed to learn the lessons of life and how to behave.  However, everytime I was strict with her, her father (who is a doctor) would call me and tell me that wasn't how to reach her and that I was alienating her.  Unfortunately, I listened to him too often and was way too guarded around her much of the time.  After a few years of that, she was so manipulative and difficult that it was really hard to be around her.  Finally, I had had enough of her running the household that I sat her down and told her things had to change.  I explained to her that she was no longer a victim, but she was putting herself in that role.  I had to use some tough love approaches, but she turned around and now is actually much closer to me than she has ever been.

You mentioned the difficulties your daughter is having socially.  Is there an alternative high school in your area?  We switched our daughter out of the regular high school and put her in the alternative school when she was a sophomore.  There were some down sides, unfortunately.  The majority of the kids there were troubled as well and there were a lot of drugs.  But the upside far outweighed the down.  She learned that she was a cherished member of the world, that she was indeed beautiful and smart, and that she was competent.  She blossomed there, learned motivation (the classes were self-directed), and became a delightful young woman.  Although now that she is 18, she DOES know everything!  lol  But she'll come around again and will indeed grow up.

I am so glad your daughter has a friend to talk with her about God.  My daughter was raised Jewish but now considers herself a Wiccan.  Go figure!  At this point, I am just greatful she is happy and healthy and loves life.  I became a Christian about 3 years ago.  She has asked me questions and I have answered them honestly.  I feel very strongly that by living a good life, being a positive role model, and exemplifying the tenets that Jesus taught, perhaps someday she will find Him as well.  She has certainly seen the changes He has brought into my life.

As for you, you need to take care of yourself, sweetie.  You cannot take care of others when you are so stressed out.  I know there are times when antidepressants are absolutely necessary, but there are alternatives that work well also.  Getting regular exercise, eating right, drink plenty of water, take your vitamins, and if you can afford it, get a massage or foot reflexology or just a manicure or pedicure once a month.  These little things will help remind you that you are a person too and your needs must be met so that you can meet the needs of others.

I know this was long, but I wanted to catch up with you.  You and your family are in my prayers!

[amanda77rainbow]

I was on Olanzapine briefly, and it started working within a day or two of starting. She should be noticing the effects by now. It made me sleepy enough that I didn't take it during the day, and then I found another medication entirely. My number one rule was that I needed to function. Ok; that was my number two rule. Number one was surviving, which is always the number one rule. Be aware that one side-effect of Zyprexa is weight gain, which could be especially difficult for a teenaged girl. If the side effects start bothering her, please take her concerns seriously. The last thing either of you needs is for her to stop taking something without telling anyone because of side-effects.
Also, I know the cutting is difficult to understand. Let her know that you wish she could find a more productive way of dealing with emotional pain. Please try not to show her that you find the self-mutilation disturbing. That will only increase her shame and force her to hide it from you again. Take heart in the fact that self-mutilation, while dangerous, is usually not evidence of suicidality and it's rarely life-threatening. The Sidran Institute's website has lots of information on trauma and PTSD-- www.sidran.org.

Best wishes.

When I was a teenager my family had me committed against my will. I'd been seeing a therapist for a year without improving. My mom wanted me on medication, but the truth is that I just didn't get along with the therapist my parents picked. I have heard that my mom still feels awful about the hospitalization more than a decade later. She's never told me that, though, and an apology would go a long way for me. If you feel bad about it, tell your daughter. If she's angry, she's probably feeling the right emotions. Even if it was for her own safety; even if she was in danger; even if it helped her; she was still forced into a situation against her will. Parents do lots of things for their children and some of them make the kids mad. Your daughter seems to be doing well, and she seems to be better for the hospital stay, but she still may have some anger over it. I hope she's seeing a therapist whom she likes and who listens to her.

When you described your daughter in your first post, I was thinking, "I hope her therapist is experienced in treating trauma." You later disclosed more of your daughter's history, and I'm still thinking that. The outlook isn't as bad as it seems. If your daughter has the proper treatment, she can recover and hardly look back. Things can get better from here. I still have bad periods in my life, but for the most part my struggle has been just like every single person's in the world. We're all just trying to figure out how to be happy, and some people have a more difficult time with that problem than others.

Your daughter is fortunate to have you standing beside her during this difficult time. I know it's difficult to see your young, talented, beautiful daughter suffering like this. Make sure she knows how much you love her and that you'll stick with her no matter what.

[tara79]

dear april,

i am glad to know that your daughter is better... you are a very strong woman. i dont know much abt the medication, but i'd like to say, please do try and see a therapist too, it will help you relax, and deal with the situaton better. god is with you always, at every step in your life, and is making you a stronger person. i truly, sincerely hope your daughter gets better, i am sure she will with time. please continue with her medication and counseling...you did the very right thing by committing her to the hospital. she needed to be there, and amsure she will be fine soon. as for people who say she is messed up, well i guess those people are the ones who are really messed up! because they have no comapssion or strength. your daughter am sure will be able to deal with this, and come out a stronger person. just hang on. take care love.

[Happy2girls]

I think it would do you well to talk with someone.  You are under tremendous stress.  I've leaned on therapists twice in my life during very difficult times.  Sometimes it's good to sit and unload and maybe learn a few things about yourself in the process.  You have no problem taking care of everyone else.  You need to take care of yourself as well.  Hang in there, April, you are a strong woman but everyone needs a little support every now and then.  I am sending my best to your daughter as well.  God bless.

[gwofthenortheast]

hi april maybe what would do you better is some relaxation thereapy like a massage or facial, reflexolgy or something more beneficial than pills hun. as for tablets i dont know jack about any of it except what my partner experiencing and how useless they are for her. good luck april and best wishes for you and your family

[mayflowers]

It takes a few weeks before the medication builds up in her system to be effective.  The thing that concerns me is that she is nodding off in class.  That plus the fact that she is crabbier sounds like she is sleepy but forcing herself to stay awake. The meds may be a mild sedative which is fine if you don't have to do much during the day but school requires a lot of interaction and paying attention.

I would watch the meds for the next 3 weeks and if you don't notice that she is better, get the meds or at least the dosages changed.

[April2]

Are any of you guys still out there?
I was just wondering how long it takes before we'd see results from the meds she's taking. At first, we thought we saw a difference the first day. She seemed calmer, more relaxed. Could it have been a placebo effect? And then, once she got home she was just so happy to be home, she was pleasant and agreeable. No problems! The day before we forgot one dosage because I had to pick her up from school and take her right to an appointment and forgot to bring her afternoon dosage. She did seem crabbier that day. Yesterday, she was crabby too. I had to mildly discipline her by taking the computer away because she wasn't supposed to be using the laptop. She got mad and slammed off to her room. I'm thinking, "Why bother medicating my kid if we don't notice much difference?" The only difference seems to be she's sleepier. Her 2nd period teacher called me yesterday and said she only got 5 math problems done in an hour and a half and she kept nodding off. What do you guys think? Does this take more time? It's been a week. Or does she need something different? I just don't know what to think. Any advice would be great. Thanks, guys.

[April2]

Thanks guys. I actually did talk to my friend. I'm the type of person who likes to get things out in the open and deal with them. We've been friends for a long time. My friend said she thinks she was misunderstood. She said she loves our daughter and our family. She said she was just cautioning her son to be careful not to give her the wrong impression, to be a good friend but to not lead her on. She said she knew how vulnerable my daughter was right now and she didn't want to see her hurt. I don't want to see her hurt either.

I know I've been overly sensitive and touchy lately with all the stress I've been under. My husband actually just told me last night he's concerned about me and all the crying I've been doing and how I'm feeling. He thinks I should consider taking something myself. I've actually thought about that. Maybe just temporarily. All this stress has taken a toll on me. I'm tired and touchy. My stomach's always in knots. I'm distracted and unmotivated in some ways. I don't know. We'll see.

Thanks, guys, for all the support. You guys are great. I hope you all are doing well. Take care & God bless you!

[gwofthenortheast]

sounds like your daughters got a good freind with this young man andi can understand why you both feel hurt by his parents comments its very unchristian to make such judgements. if they talk online how can they be stopped chatting if thats what they both want to do and it sounds like he has been of great support to you girl. i would personally review what info you share with this couple regarding your daughters mental health. im glad she is home and doing well. take care

[mayflowers]

Hang in there April.  People will judge you & your daughter but someday they will be judged for their actions too.  Your friends son sounds like a nice friend for your daughter.  Even if she only had a little time with him, at least she heard about Jesus and His Love for her.  Be thankful for that.  And as for the people that judge her and her struggles, let your daughter know that they are not any better than her.  You can't judge someone until you've been walking in their shoes.  They don't know what your daughter has been through.  

Remember too that Jesus had friends that turned on him too.  He knows what you're both feeling.  Turn into Him and yes, He is enough.  He will bring you friends that will be good for you.  Maybe your friend will have a change of heart and realize she is wrong to judge another person.  At least you and your daughter realize there is a problem and are working on it.  It's not as though you are avoiding anything.
  
God Bless April.  Hang in there.

[April2]

My daughter is home and has been doing really, really well. She's been more relaxed. I worry because she's going back to school this week and will be around the stress and bad influences again.
I just found out that my friend is, I guess, a little uncomfortable with all the time her son's been spending with my daughter. We've known this family for several years and kept in contact. They moved to another state. Their kids are our kids ages and chat online. Well, lately her son and my daughter have been chatting a lot more and talking on the phone. Her son has been witnessing to my daughter and trying to talk to her about God and Jesus and stuff, and she's been listening to him! You know how kids are. They'll listen to their friends more than their parents. He's been really good for her. She's been tentatively reaching out to God again and I owe a lot of it to him and I'm grateful to him. I've watched how they're chatting. He's a good kid. They're not talking like boyfriend, girlfriend but good friends. He's been the only one really who's been strong enough in his faith to share that with her (among her peers).
Since his mom is my friend, I shared a lot of what was going on with my daughter with her so she could be praying. My daughter told me last night that her son told her that his mom doesn't want him getting too close to her because "she's messed up". That really hurt my daughter. It really hurt me too. I've been crying all night last night. I can't believe she'd say that. I trusted her and shared with her and I feel betrayed. As a fellow Christian  I always believed that we're supposed to share each other's burdens. I needed people to talk to and share with because I was in such pain myself.
Will people always judge her? Will they always look at her scars and not her face? Will they judge her for making poor choices at the age of 14? No wonder my daughter's written poems saying why don't people look at the pain in her eyes, why don't they ask how she is, why don't they care?
I've never felt such pain in my life, hurting over my child and how she hurts and how she's been treated. Doesn't anybody care that she got to this point because of other's cruelties that crushed her sensiive spirit?
I feel like I've lost some friends by sharing with them. I've felt judged by some. It hurts real bad. I guess my daughter's not good enough for my friend's son. Well, you know what? My daughter's gained more wisdom and compassion because of what she's gone through. Most of her friends are shallow. She's not.
I'm tired of acting like everything's ok when it's not. Why can't we be real with people, with our friends? Why must we hide behind a mask and pretend that everythings' ok? Everything's not ok. This last year and a half has been the worst of my life. The pain has been incredible. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. Yet, God has given me little glimpses of light even in the darkness. Just when I think I can't go on anymore, He's given me a little more hope and grace to get through the day.
Sure, my friend wants her son to find a good Christian girl just like I'd like my daughter to find a good Christian boy someday. But I'm not even thinking that far. I've just been so grateful to him for helping my daughter and bringing her back to God. I don't want to see her fall again.
Maybe I've been too honest and shared too much. I tend to be too trusting and wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a hard time being fake. I'm just tired of it all. Why cant we all just be there for each other?
God has taught me so much the last couple of years. He's humbled me to the point of brokeness. I don't have any pride left. I see the hurting people and have more compassion. I even look for the hurting people sometimes because I know how it feels and want to help. We're all so busy in this world. Why can't we be there for each other? Life is too short, too precious.
I'm still hurting but I have God. The message our pastor gave this Sunday and last Sunday was directly for our family. It was such a God thing! The pastor said, if we lost everything, if we had nothing, would Jesus be enough? This week he asked what storm we've had to go through. He reminded us that God sees us in the darkness. He teaches us and tests us in the storms regarding who we are and who God is. But He's always there walking with us.
Thank you, friends, for listening. I know God will get us through all of this. God bless you al.

[medfree]

It's medfree at live dot com

[April2]

medfree, your email didn't show up. Medhelp blocks emails so I think you have to spell it out like medfree at yahoo dot com (just an example).

You can send and receive private messaging on this site too. You just have to update your profile. It's pretty easy.

I hope to hear from you soon.

[medfree]

I'm so glad I was able to help you.  I don't know that we can chat privately on here so I set up a special e-mail account to talk with you.  You can reach me at ***@****.  I look forward to talking with you.  I too was molested by not only a neighborhood boy, but also by my best friend's father so I believe I have a special insight into yor daughter's situation.  

Talk to you soon!

[Kande]

The last thing I want to do is bother you. I feel like I have rambled on so much to you at such a painful time in your life. But if will allow me one more time to ramble I will be good...unless ask for advise - promise! I just want to give you something to think about. I fully believe something of good will come from this painful time. I'll tell you why. A few years ago I was diagnosised with a serious liver disease...one that everyone assumed would end up in death. I was in shock as anyone would be. I was more in shock because I was a health nut...organic food, exercised everyday, never smoked, drank , you have the picture. My friends all went to their doctors after I got sick because they thought if I was sick...probably something must be wrong with them since the health nut was ill. Really scared everyone! So of course I cried, went over things in my mind, just couldn't figure out how/why this happened to me. Now I'll make a very long story short... but through out my journey I seen miracle after miracle. And most of the miracles I seen happened while in doctors offices, hospitals etc.. I now know I had to be sick to see how God works. I knew he was there(in my mind) I had always believed and served him. But to see him work in my life and others lives was to wonderful to describe. When we are at are weakest point- he is at his strongest! Trust him like you never have before. Wait for your miracle! Be patient...he may have many for you. I still see good that has come from my illness. One has happened again...I met you. That would not have been, except I had a liver transplant and since I 'am still healing I use my computer a lot now. I never did before except at work. Never would I have had time to come to a site like this. But God made me be still and showed me many things. There is no doubt that at this time I was to meet you and talk with you. Why? Lets wait and see what he has for us. One thing I know...to pray for you and your family, what an honor. Don't ever doubt, he will bring you a miracle! And if you feel like me look at all the wonderful people we have met here. His blessings go on and on. Take comfort tonight he is with you...always!  Kande

[April2]

Ok, I agreed somewhat reluctantly to the Zoloft, for the depression, and Neurontin as a mood stablizer instead of the Olanzapine. The side effects don't seem to be as severe. Does anyone know anything about that drug? I'm still not crazy about all this. The doctor said she's suffering from PTSD from the trauma she suffered when she was younger. The meds are just supposed to help keep the mood swings leveled out but he wants her in counseling. She's had counseling for a year. That's how we found out she was molested, or touched inappropriately by a neighbor boy. She was also bullied a lot in middle school. I didn't realize how bad it was because she just didn't tell me. This is so hard for me. I'm her mother and I didn't protect her! I always tried to be so careful to know where my kids were and who they were with. Some of this apparently happened at sleepovers with her best friend (it was her older brother).
The doctor asked her if she was mad at God or blamed him for not being there for her and she said yes. Her faith has really struggled the last few years. I worry that she just won't or can't move past this. I hate being in this place. It's so painful! It isn't just my daughter hurting. I hurt too so badly. I just want to be able to get past this!

Medfree, thank you so much for sharing! You understand what we're going through! It helps to know that someone else has been there too and got through it. You've given me hope. Thank you! Do you mind talking to me so more if I need it? Are you able to send and receive private messages on here? I don't know why I crave knowing someone who's been there. Maybe so I don't feel so alone. You've given me a glimpse of hope though and I so appreciate it! More than you know.

Thank you to everyone who responded! You all are great! It's so nice to know there are people out there who care and understand what we're going through. I'll let you know more when I know more. And thanks for the prayers! I'll take all I can get! God bless you all!

[medfree]

It's been two years since my 15 year old was admitted to a mental health facility for cutting and depression.  She was such an angry but hurting puppy and I felt totally impotent.  Her father and I were in the process of divorcing and he was actively putting me down in front of her and it affected her terribly.  She was placed on Effexor for a few months and saw a wonderful psychologist who really helped her through the whole process.  She recently graduated from high school (early) and is now in college and doing great!  I thank God every day for her continued health.  Keep being loving and supportive, watch her closely on the meds, make sure she is hooked up ith a counselor she can truly relate to (my daughter responded much better to a younger female therapist than the older man she started with), and pray, pray, PRAY!  Someday, she will turn around and appreciate you for being there for her.  My daughter and I have a closer relationship now than we ever have.  You are in my prayers, dear!

[wifely]

Just a word about medications - there are lots of differnt kinds and some work for an individual and some don't.  Doctors tend to start with the meds that have the highest success rate but it may take some time.  If there is no improvement or there is the 'haziness' of meds, you may have to try something different.  You may have to monitor your daughter yourself and make sure she keeps getting help until she feels well.

[Happy2girls]

Oh April, Sweetheart, you and your daughter are in my prayers. I have a 14 year old daughter myself and my heart just aches for you and your little girl.  April, you did the right thing, I would have done the same.  You are trying to save your daughter's life and  that requires no apologies or second guesses.  Your daughter will some day come to understand your desperation and decision.  Again you are in my prayers.      

[gracey888]

I feel sorry about your daughter. You did the right thing. We will just pray for her fast recovery.

Try to let your family unwind...go to the beach, have a picnic and do soulsearching...

Let your daughter breathe fresh air, and comfort her. Talk to her, let her know that you really do care for her and she has no reason to hate the ppl around her.

Just talk to her, ask her what's really her problem and help her conquer the trials she's experiencing now. Don't quit, u can surpass this. Just believe in God.  

[Kande]

I'am glad you are here for all of us. We do need your advise. This case has all of us concerned and heartbroken. Just please keep helping everyone. Thanks!  Kande

[Kande]

I'am glad you are here for all of us. We do need your advise. This case has all of us concerned and heartbroken. Just please keep helping everyone. Thanks!  Kande