Life feels Dreadful

[RT93]

Warning Long Post, Sorry!

25 year old Depressed Male. College drop out with over 100 credit hours completed. Lately, I been slipping into a more and more depressed state. Coming to work late everyday, not wanting to work, sleeping a lot and not wanting to ever wake up. The sight of people annoys me, being asked simple questions at work by both coworkers and customers annoys me, as does my own mind. Always feel irritated, annoyed, and questioning why Am I here. I'm not suicidal, but at the same time I just want to die already or sleep forever. I have no passion in life, and have 0 interest in any career fields. College seems like such a drag. Also not affordable at all since I'm out of aid. My hobbies are all dead to me as i no longer have interests in video gaming, collecting, or even working out anymore which used to be so big for me. Havent done any kind of lifting or cardio in half a year. Muscle is all gone and im just a blob again after years of lifting. I'm currently living with my other half. Love my partner very much, only thing that really makes me slightly happy. But, because of my issues, I feel bad because I'm not wanting to do much. I hate sex, loud music places, crowded places, hot weather, drinking is gross, and I don't enjoy dancing at bars.  So that limits our activities and things to do together in life. I'm such a loser and stuff I don't know how I haven't been dumped yet. We been together for almost 2 years. Wanting to find our own place. But we both work retail and money is tight! I don't know what to do anymore or with myself. Meds don't help and I really hate experimenting with new ones as they only make me feel worse and at the same time being off them is just as worse. Cant find a new psych and the one that I do have I can only see once every 2 months. Always says the same thing over and over again and that life will get better soon.
So, if you got this far id like to apologize for having to read my sad sob of a story of a sorry crap life.

Out of options and ideas on what to do from here.

[RT93]

So I'm a 28 year old male who dropped out of an elite university after years of substance abuse, major depression, and debilitating anxiety. Two years ago I was living at home with a torn ACL, drinking a fifth of vodka every night and snorting 100mg of adderall. I consider that my rock bottom, and you should consider your current state to be your rock bottom. You need to work your *** off to get into a better place, plain and simple. It will take a tremendous amount of discipline and effort on a daily basis, but you can do it. I did it. I am in a much better place now that I am exercising regularly, going to weekly individual and group therapy sessions, forcing myself to socialize, and eating/sleeping well. I also highly recommend you start daily meditation practice. I'll leave it at that for now. We have much more to discuss, so feel free to hit me up.

[RT93]

Darn, man that's tough. Elite school, must be very smart. I just went to an ordinary university.
That's great to hear your doing better!!
I wish I had motivation to workout again, but I just don't. I get to a gym and feel so sluggish, fat, and feel so weak, and can't believe I used to do it for 5yrs+ straight with no breaks. I would only have time to go for like 2 days a week. And they are pretty pricey where I'm at. I hate running, or that hiit few second sprint stuff.
But, Idk I'm interested though in trying meditation, yoga, and stretchs though since that is new to me. It's a shame to think I had such good eating discipline for years and now I have bad eating choices because I'm too lazy and don't have much cooking experience.
I don't know if I could do the group therapy though, I feel weird around people I don't know, usually creeps my mind into that weird DP/DR feeling. But, that's awesome that you can force yourself to socialize! I have always been quite type! I don't socialize at all with any of my departments coworkers and there's 20 of us. I'm weird I know ha.

[Plshelp81]

Hey. Sounds like you're just in a funk and need to find the things that make you happy again. Also, try to find solutions for all the problems that you have, ie. Money, school debt, whatever else. Try not to become introverted and spend time alone. Force yourself to eat more veggies, a paleo diet is actually really great for depression. I followed the 21 sugar free diet and used that cookbook and felt the best I had in years.

Regarding food, get this the best introduction cookbook. It's super healthy and has step by step photos and suggestions. https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/1554076021/ref=mp_s_a_1_17?ie=UTF8&qid=1523799315&sr=8-17&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=college+cookbook

You should also try meditation. There's some great meditations online or hypnotherapy on you tube that you can look up for depression. Like healing your inner child and your future self. One meditation that used to calm me down and put me in a good state of mind was this one. It's a chanting one, follow along with it top. It helps to regulate your breathing by chanting and calms the nervous system making you feel more positive. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YQrs9zlOW1U

Try looking up activities to do with www.meetup.com I found a spin cycle class that did spin while watching movies. It was really awesome. Plus I found the alchemy meditation studio thru that website. If I would have stuck with it, it would have saved my life. Stay away from psychiatrists! My life has been severely destroyed by going to them.

[Coopie41]

Wow! Such great advice! Def going start meditating and exercising more. Live in Midwest and we got 10 inches of snow again last night. Hard we you can’t be outside 6 months of year. I am actually a happy person. Have been on these so long just cannot kick them. Have started herbal antidepressants couple days ago bc realized I have a full anxiety disorder. It is genetic. All in my family. I literally don’t think I can do life without something to calm me down. Genetics always win. Thank u again

[Paxiled]

I would only caution that the Paleo diets are fad diets without long-term study behind them, and are based on false premises about how early peoples ate.  A basic balanced diet, which is often called the Mediterranean style of diet, still tests best in long-term studies.  These high protein diets can be good for bodybuilding and short-term benefit, but eating too much protein can present problems for some people.  Again, just cautioning here.  As for cooking ,though, healthy eating is a lot easier than unhealthy eating.  Cooking with a lot of fat and butter and sugar takes some training, but steaming veggies and boiling beans and stir-frying is about as easy as cooking gets.

[Paxiled]

You don't mention therapy, just a med doc.  If you haven't tried therapy you haven't taken the first step.  You are describing depression, but are also describing alongside it things that can happen to people who aren't depressed and just haven't found yet what they like in life and feel pressure to find it quickly.  Depression is a bear to deal with.  Medication for it can be difficult and can take some time to find the right one or the right combo.  Are you in therapy, trying to figure out why you've fallen into this malaise and how to think your way out of it?  Might not work, but it is another option.  Finishing college might also get you somewhere you prefer to be -- retail is definitely not for everyone and doesn't pay very well.  You have to either be aiming to own your own business or love helping people and the things you're selling to love it -- I know, I did it a long time.  But I only did it doing things I thought were important.  As for the things you mentioned you don't like doing, what about things you do like doing or might like doing but haven't tried?  A lot of us don't much care for the things you don't care for as we get older, but we find other things we do learn to like, such as traveling, camping, martial arts, whatever.  

[RT93]

Yeah I tried therapy, didn't help much. College is a headache at the moment as I still don't know what I want to do and will be hard just to afford a community college because I work retail, have college debt, and no Aid left. Not sure about new hobbies or things to try, as I'm very anti-social. My days consist of Work, laying in my bed destroying my mind, and doing basic life things with my partner.