Defintely not happy..

[twotrees86]

This may come out as a garbled mess but please bear with me. I am frustrated and sad!

So, I have dealt with depression for 10+ years. I have been on one medication (wellbutrin, low dose) for 2 years now, but I feel like it isn't nearly as effective as it was. I got on this med after I decided that showering and not leaving my bed for days felt like a viable option. I am very hard on myself with guilt---am a huge people pleaser--- I am working on it, but it does all "get to me" still. I am feeling like what I was before I "went to hibernate" as  my brother coined it, and I like that phrasing since it was a very good description.

Other symptoms I have been dealing with:

Migraine level headaches---making me go to the ER and messing with my life---work/school/etc. I have had one doctor at a follow up appt from the ER visit say I do have Migraines and need to get those looked at, but I am having to fight for a referral....

All I do is worry, which I haven't ever done till now--I am usually the one to muscle through a situation or solve a tough problem, but that isn't happening much anymore.

I don't sleep well or very long.

My eating habits seem to swing all over the place.

I just want to stay home and read in my pj's.

Other stuff going on:

My work *****. Its stressing me out to the point I have to remind myself I am an adult, I have responsibilities, etc. I know a job wont be a walk in the park, but I do have a boss that would rather throw you under the bus then work, so I am having to deal with humans resources, my bosses boss, and the union with some situations that have come up---which isn't helping my depression and other symptoms. I dread work.

Most of the people I work with have said things along the line of " snap out of it" or "you just want a day off" . They don't think migraines or depression are real live problems. It is quite hard to take them seriously when they think I just need to "look at the positive side and it will be fine".

My grades with school have tanked big time and I have no motivation to do anything about it.


Recent Happenings:

My Mother thinks I should get tested/looked at for Fibromyalgia, Lupus, Anxiety,  etc since we have it in our family--- which I think if nothing else we need to rule stuff out if we don't know what it is---again fighting for referrals.

I have told my Internal Med. Doc. about the depression and he said he wouldn't adjust it, that I'd have to go to the Mental Health part of my health plan (KP Kaiser). I did the intake meeting and a follow-up I was given another med to take at night (nortriptyline? a starter pack that has doses increases over 5-weeks). I don't like how this med makes me feel so out of it---groggy and such. I will not continue to take this. I told this to both the therapist and my doc and wanted my wellbutrin to be upped--I have done well with it why not keep a good thing going right? I know I wont be able to take this forever but while it works lets use it. I haven't heard back from either. I am frustrated with the KP doctors. Its been an uphill battle to the point I am switch medical insurance at the new year. I have been dealing with other symptoms and  its take n me almost two years to get referrals of any sort.

In the mean time I am working on trying to find someone to talk to till my new insurance kicks in, am looking for other work, and trying to enjoy the holidays.

---------------------------------------------------------------


Does anyone have any suggestions on questions I should ask a health professional? What suggestions do you have for dealing with these developing  symptoms--any tips? I don't want my family and friends to think I am just a whiner so I need to look into any option out there .

[CRSeaside]

Hi. Just a short note to let you know goals can be met,no matter how severe the situation   Good news- I just made it up to my new house/art studio for the first time all year. Yippie. Pamela

[CRSeaside]

Hi. I suffer the same things you suffer,except my ins is better. I use a combo of Psychiatrist & talk therapy with a Psycologist.  There are also 2 great mental health groups, & they have local free support groups. N A M I. & D B S A.
    There is nothing worse than hearing " well,just snap out of it".
  Do these do gooders think we are depressed & stupid idiots? If a person could snap out of crippling depression & migraine headaches, why wouldn't they ?           Good idea to be tested for Lupus & other diseases.
Mental illness is a disease too. Thankfully it can be managed by the right meds
& healthful living.     Check into support groups in your area. You'll have someone to talk to that is experiencing the same thing as you are. Good luck with a change in your ins too. Pamela