What is wrong with me? I'm so lost.

[Cloudydaze27]

I don't know what's wrong with me. At the beginning of this year I wanted a future I wanted more kids.  
   Now? I don't want kids I can't picture the future I have this since of doom over coming me like my time is coming.   I've been having problems with my gallbladder, I have gallstones yet I can't find a doctor who will help me I'm supposed to find a family doctor which is BS schedule three months out and for what? So they can schedule me with a surgeon?

That whole thing has me all worked up and I only have insurance through the state for a year and if I don't get help soon I don't know what I'll do.  My father died 4 days after he had his gallbladder taken out. I have no idea why state of Iowa refused to preform an autopsy on him to determine cause of death. Said if we preform autopsy then you have to transport the body my family has no money for that kind of stuff.

With me facing the same issue my father did I'm afraid the same thing can happen to me. I don't feel alive like I'm rotting inside out. I'm always tired but when I try to sleep I can't I'm never hungry I haven't eaten in 3 days I'm never thirsty. I only drink maybe 3 bottles of water everyday. I'm over weight I'm not eating not losing weight. I'm lost I try to think but my mind is so clouded I don't feel pleasure happiness excitement I'm empty. All I feel is sadness, like I just want to die, but no one wants to help me... I have a therapist appointment July 12, but what if he doesn't help me what if it's to late what if I don't make it? What if my insurance runs out and I still need help?

I don't have friends. My family they are all busy. I'm a stay at home mom. My husband goes to school and college full time when I lay this on him I feel like he is just annoyed with me because he already has so much on his plate.

I can't live my life like this anymore. My husband and son deserve better but I'm so lost I don't know what I can do. I've lived my whole life like this off and on. Offs I'll be great happy ready to live but every time I fell back into the slump it's stronger more intense harder to pull myself back

Everyday I get worse. I'm a lost cause.   I need help but no one wants to or can.

[Paxiled]

You're letting this all get to you -- I think you know that.  If this is how you usually react to things, then you need to be in therapy a long time ago.  If this is new, then it might be the fear from your current problem.  My question is, if you haven't seen a doctor, how do you know you have gallstones?  Someone must have diagnosed you for you to know this, who was it?  Why didn't this person send you to a specialist?  I don't know what kind of insurance you have, some policies require a referral from a primary care physician to allow you to see a specialist.  Some don't.  If you don't need a referral in your insurance, then you are free to consult a specialist on your own as long as they take your insurance.  You need to find these things out, take it one step at a time.  Gallstones aren't gallbladder disease, it's a different and less serious problem.  It's often caused by eating the wrong kind of calcium.  But even if you have gallbladder disease of some kind, it doesn't mean you're going to have the same course someone else had.  And know that your therapist won't help you right away -- that takes time and success depends on how good the therapist is and how much you work to do what the therapist and you agree you should do.  In other words, and I think you know this, this is in your hands.  Take it one step at a time, follow the steps required.  Let your physician, assuming you actually need to see him per what I said above, know you are running against the clock.  Advocate for yourself.  Good luck.

[Paxiled]

And I should add, this problem is often caused by a poor diet.  Once you get this fixed, you should look into that.  The gallbladder is intimately connected to the liver, and there are many ways to lessen the risk of these becoming a problem.  One way is by eating the best quality and healthiest food, especially a lot of antioxidant rich colored veggies.  Another is to keep as many toxic chemicals out of your system as possible in our polluted world.  There are plants and other supplements that can help keep the liver and gallbladder healthy.  These are things to consider and learn about, but not now -- now, you have to deal with the immediate problem, then when that's done, move on.  Patience.