Still doing about the same. I've had a recent huge trigger of a loss of all support. I'm a veteran (100% disability) and therefore must use a VA hospital. I just had to change tdocs. My former tdoc I was seeing for 5 years and she allowed me to e-mail her between appts when I was in crisis as she knew that's the best way I communicate. New tdoc won't allow it at all! Even when former tdoc told her how important it was.
New tdoc wants me to go over all of my history with her again in person as she said she doesn't like reading it off of the computer notes.
I have severe PTSD from several traumas and she wants me to re-open all of that. I can't switch providers....that VA isn't like that; once you have a provider...that's who you have. Too many big changes all at once...there's more she is changing, but too much to get into here. I can't handle it. And I'm not allowed to contact my former tdoc as she has been promoted to a new job (she is just upstairs but said that I can't contact her).
Sorry to be so long-winded. I just feel like I've been thrown to the proverbial lions.
Thanks for caring.
I read your posts and then went away for a think to see if I could offer any kind of useful advice.
I completely understand where you are coming from and your new tdoc is not being very supportive or professional for a start.
I don't know if this will help, but here goes:
Could you write to her and explain (yes i know it will be again) that you are not in a position to be able to talk through all the trauma you have experienced without it having a direct impact on your state of mind. Explain that the stress of change is already sending you into a spiral. Tell her that you would appreciate it if she could read through the notes but that if there are any queries then you will do your best to try and answer those.
Start with that before going on to try and persuade her to let you e-mail her between appointments.
Keep a copy of any communication you have had with her and if she remains inflexible then contact someone higher up than her and express your concerns. I know your previous tdoc has said that you are no longer able to communicate with her, however, it won't hurt to drop her a short note asking her if there is any advice she can give you with regards to dealing with the situation as you are finding it very difficult to the point of having suicidal thoughts.
I know what you mean about not wanting/being able to contact hot-lines - I am the same, I also find it easier to communicate in words on paper than verbally and the fact that the Samaritans let you down is something that you should bring to their attention - they cannot start to make it right if they are unaware of their failings - although you probably don't feel strong enough to do this right now or ever, which is fine.
If you ever need to "talk" then drop me a note and I shall respond as I'm sure others on here will do.
You are reallly having a bad time, and I wish you could find some relief. Have you heared of "Emotional Freedom Technique"? It has helped me a lot, and I was contemplating sucide. This technique is very helpful for vets,great for PTSD, which is what I had. No pills, and it's free. Look into emofree.com The great thing about it is that you can't loose. :) Arum
Thanks for your comments....sorry I've taken so long to reply. I live in central Ohio and we got hit with the severe wind storms from the remnants of "Ike" last week and didn't have power here for several days. Have some storm damage to the house, lost most of the privacy fence in the yard, all the cold food, and far too many very large tree limbs too count. Just more stress.
Then just this past Friday evening I was driving on a 2-lane road and this lady decided she couldn't wait any longer and turned left in front of me!! I was going 45mph...tried to stop; but she just kept turning and I hit her hard! So I spent the evening and night in the ER. I now have a very sore neck, back and head with dizzy spells. Yup, much more stress.
Also discovered a plumbing problem today that isn't good. Can I quit now?
As far as contacting former tdoc and telling her how I feel and the situation with new tdoc....I did that and she didn't respond. I don't even have her new phone # to be able to call her. New tdoc has been calling me to re-schedule my missed appt from last week.
I just feel like my entire life is falling apart around me. I don't see a whole lot of options.