What types of therapy do you use for your physical and emotional problems? Are you on medication for either?
It is ok and you can get better I proomise. Not only have I been to the bottom of the deepest depression but I know many many others who have and some have made it out. For everyone it is a personal journey but all of us have things in common that can be unlocked with the proper keys.
If you can, tell more about yourself like what was going on in a time of your life when you weren't depressed. I know there had to be a time when you weren't depressed or you couldn't be depressed now, that's how it works.
I am a 22 year old SAHM 2 kids 5 and 1. I used to be happy and very athletic. I have been diagnosed with EDS for 5 years. I have debilitating pain and am more often sick than not. My husband and family don't understand and show me they don't care. They tell me to just get over it or suck it up.....
I have seen all kinds of therapists also emotional and physical
I am on wellbutrin 150 mg twice daily Cymbalta 20mg once
And Percocet 20 mg 6 times a day
I also take NSAIDs
That ***** that your husband and family don't try to understand that its not just you choosing to feel down. My girlfriend always said I was just mentally weak when I would have depressive episodes, she doesn't believe that some people just don't have the right chemical balance in the brain. Her answer was "you just need God in your life"....
I am a recovering opiate addict and I see you take Perc's. Even though they tend to allow us not to care for awhile, it will take you down in the end. It stops our brains from naturally producing the feel good chemicals. Its not a good drug to take when you naturally battle depression anyways, at least it wasn't for me.
Yeah.... That's what the doc says.. Then says that I would be more depressed in all the pain it blocks
Have you tried to get off the percs and use something non-narcotic for the pain? You will get depressed during the withdrawals, but it might help in the long run. I am not sure if anti-depressants really do anything when you take opiates. I am on lexapro 25mg now but I was so used to pain pills supplying my brain with so much dopamine/serotonin that the anti-depressants aren't as effective as they were before I ever even touched pain meds.
Pain meds and depressive personalities do not mix, I know that all too well first hand. But at least off the pain meds the depression isn't as bad.
It seems a lot of people who are hard on people who live through terrible pain constantly, tell people in physical or mental pain to "suck it up," back off or they brush it off with I can't understand what you are going through; just can't admit that they just don't want to deal with it, feel helpless or overwhelmed, and just say it is that foreign to them. Silence, avoidance and no direct communication gives a misdirection, misunderstanding and vagueness that is so unnecessary. Especially, when they do that because they don't want to "hurt your feelings" or "be mean about it. What they do not do or can't do or say ends up doing exactly what they don't want to happen...hurting and being mean about it. A lot of times, it hurts everyone, including themselves, and make things even more miserable. Then, it just gets messy and even more complicated.
Everyone knows that a supportive, caring, honest and nurturing environment and people goes a long way to getting better. I would think anyone who experienced any level of pain would understand how bad it feels and how restrictive it is. I don't have to have EDS to understand you, even a little bit, or see, hear and hear you.
For myself, when I was in both terrible emotional, mental and physical pain, I tended to want to withdraw, but I did want people to know that I was in a really bad way. If their help was something I could tolerate, I allowed them that, only if they kept a little distance and be "soft, quiet and calm" about it. I didn't mind when people said they weren't up to helping me or didn't know what to do. Luckily, a few of them had enough sense, resourcefulness and wisdom to get someone who knew what to do or knew another who could help me. I appreciated the trying if nothing could be done or the company, if it was a wait and see what happens. The only thing At the basic level that I wanted most of the time was knowing I wasn't completely alone. More than experiencing pain, sickness or just a really bad situation of any kind, knowing there was someone else around to help me meant alot.
I know what you mean about isolating yourself yet still wanting some people to know what you are going through, as long as you know they aren't going to make you feel even lower. My mom always understood my depression because she actually suffers from it as well, but my GF could never understand and just said its in my head which just made me want to ignore her and withdraw even more.
Some people just don't understand why someone is always depressed, they take it personal like you aren't happy with them or something. Ever since I was a kid I was like this. I always thought it was low self esteem, i would mask that by working out and being in shape, but whenever I slacked in the gym I felt worthless again. I also have social anxiety and always feel like I have to fake my feelings when around people, which is stressful and its why I then tend to isolate myself.
Sorry. I realized after reviweing my response that it sounds like I am removing focus to me rather than to you, Squishy, when I was really telling you that I was empathizing and know how alone you feel. I do know that unless someone remembers the loneliness of going through something terrible or very changing. I had good people with kind hearts who cared about me, and that helped a lot, but it still had a feel of being alone, personal and unique in it that I don't think anyone else could understand, even if someone had the exact same thing happening to them. It also changed me, I'm not the person i was before, and I know I never will be going back to what I was. I like to think I got better and grew from it, but there were things I used to be able to do but can't anymore, and I'm okay about it now, because I got better at other things, I also think I am less of a jerk; although sometimes, I know I am being a jerk intentionally. Unfortunately, people will excuse it to depression or dismiss it to being "bipolar" when in fact, I am really being a jerk about things. Having a disorder can make things deceptive or mythful at times.
Yes. It is something how depression can misconstrue things, be so irrational and "sleight of hand"-ish and so many levels that boggles the mind. Taking some credence to your GF, it is possible that the depression is screwing up perception. It certainly did with me! I was incredibly hypersensitive and didn't know it because of the "dead inside" factor. However, I also know I didn't misread or misinterpret how people acted with me, especially people I knew. I used to get annoyed when my psychiatrist said to me that it was the depression talking ,after I said things like I was tired of living in a dead world and playacting that it was a "live" on. I just thought he didn't understand the tru natire of things or didn't get it yet, when , in fact and in hindsight, it really was the depression talking, I didn't get it then, but I get it now, and that was an eye opener.
Also, about that depression happens because you are "mentally weak" is such a prejudicial statement with no credence to it. That's an emotional response. I know I have a strong mind. In order to bear up and live every day with depression, pain or any kind of disorder or illness, it takes strength, an unusual amount of fortitude and courage to put up with it. It's like keeping up and putting up with being on a treadmill in hell.
I had to give up narcotic pain meds because they gave me a terrible reaction with psych drugs and my bipolar disorder, which was not well controlled with meds at the time. I had a bad injury, and even though the ER doc was very careful to research pain med reactions with psych drugs and other meds I was taking, I had a very bad depression and psychotic episode after take the pain med. When I spoke to my docs, including my psychiatrist, they all agreed I should go without pain meds, even though they knew I was in extreme pain, and I mean pain where I was in cold sweats, pee in the pants pain, couldn't move a millimeter and my blood pressure was 200/110 and heart rate 140. I usually have a heart rate in the 60's and a blood pressure of 90 to 100. I was mostly very zen and very fit and athletic, like you. I could only take something like aspirin or tylenol and use heat or cold treatments and a lot of mind diversion. I have to say, it was one of the few times, having a psychotic episode actually helped me. I went through excruciating pain for 3 days and the psychosis left and depression lessened. I had a breakthrough moment when I was stunned to find I could live with that pain. I couldn't move very well, and at times, it broke through and made me scream and be in shock and bite into a towel, but there was that awe that I found that I did put up with it. Then, I found, just by talking to a 35 year old woman who confided in me after I told her my experience, that she knew what I was talking about and was quietly living with incredible back pain since she badly injured her back when she was 8 years old. This woman has a very strenuous, physical job for years, I would have never guessed she was living with that pain going on.
Just to let you know, my doctors weren't cold, stone faced or icy rational with me when they said to do without the pain meds. It was a hard call for them to make and They knew i was in terrible distress. They treated me as I needed them to be, "calm, soft and quiet," and From how they advised the "no narcotic or controlled drug pain treatment," they were also not liking what they knew I was going through and what I was about to go through, AND it was a gamble. They didn't just abandoned me to suffer. I got checked on, and I gave them the required "call me in the morning and 5 p.m. phone call to let me know how you are doing." So, they gave me the distance I required while giving me attention,
Yikes! I left out an important piece to my first sentence about depression misconstruing things, etc. I also meant that it does so in ourselves but also with the people in our lives. That is what I mean by amazing, like depression has a life of it's own. Yes, I've had a few people who asked me if they have caused or influenced my depression. Some actually did help it along, and I did tell them the behavior that help it along, but there is that tedious brain chemistry component too. One could only wish it was that simple to be able to blame it on one person or one thing.
I am glad I am not the only one to deal with this..... I am sorry you all have as well